In any relationship, communication is key.
But for all things in the circle of sex, talking about what you want/need/expect is vital. Here are some basic topics to get you started.
It might sound silly at first, but talking about any sexual habits is important.
Maybe you prefer it in the mornings. Maybe you have a high sex drive most of the time. Perhaps you got through ups and downs or are on some meds that screw with your libido.
Work and other life events need to be taken into account as well. Now, before you turn up your nose, hear me out. My ex loved 2 am romps, but I’m such a light sleeper (and it takes me forever to get to sleep in the first place) that going with his personal highs mixed with the hours he worked, really put a damper on things.
SEXUAL PAST AND FUTURE
This isn’t 50 years ago when sex lives were “secret” and never to be shared – or someone with just with a partner “forever.” Now, it’s vital to talk about your sexual past. There doesn’t have to be graphic details or anything but talk about any infections you’ve had/have. Or maybe there were some bad moments that need to be handled with care.
It might feel embarrassing, or there might be the fear that the person won’t want to be with you anymore, but honestly is 100% the best policy and will allow the other person to make an informed choice on their own actions.
The same goes for what you might want in the future. Do you want to start vanilla but eventually get into really kinky stuff? Are having kids on the menu? Things like that.
CONCEPTS OF COMMITMENT
Not everything is “church” concept of sexual commitment.
Granted, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to commit to one person for the rest of your life. However, not everyone functions that way. There are polyamorous lifestyles, open relationships, etc. Even the concept of “open” is different for each person. Maybe sexting with strangers is okay. Maybe not.
Get down to the nitty-gritty and discuss what you need from the other person.
This might seem out of know where, but yes, talk about masturbation too. Some people feel that it’s cheating. Some don’t. Some people need it in order to get sexual. Is your partner threatened by sex toys? If so, why? How can you put their mind at ease?
FANTASIES, FETISHES, AND DESIRES
Now it’s time to get into the fun, blush-inducing stuff.
You don’t have to get into your kinks immediately. But you need to talk about them as soon as you can.
Some people have fetishes or sexual needs that are very important to them. It would be really hard to find yourself a year into a relationship just to find out one partner NEEDS anal sex but the other doesn’t want anything to do with it.
It’s okay to start slow and eventually get into the wonderfully dirty stuff. Just make sure you get to it!
Anything else you want to add? Share in the comments!