If you’ve ever been in a long-distance relationship or are in one now, you know there are so many unique problems you have to deal with that traditional couples don’t. Or, maybe you’re about to get into an LDR and are trying to figure out all the ins and outs.
Either way, it’s safe to say one of those ins and outs (innuendo intended) is sex – or at least some kind of intimacy. Yeah, you’ll have your steaming connections when you see each other in person, but what about all that time you spend apart?
Well, that’s where sex toys come into play. But we’re not talking about any old sex toys. These fantastic beauties are tech-based miracles for long-distance relationships.
In this article, we’re going to look at:
- What Exactly Are Long-Distance Sex Toys?
- Choosing a Sex Toy for Your Long-Distance Relationship
- When to Change the Toy (and When Not To)
- How to Use Long-Distance Sex Toys in Your LDR
- LDR Sex Toy Extras to Build Intimacy and Have Fun
- Creating Intimacy Between Sessions (Not Just During Them)
- Using Control Dynamics to Build Trust (Not Just Arousal)
- Asynchronous Intimacy: Staying Connected Without Being Online Together
- Turning Teasing Into a Multi-Day Experience
- Creating Intimacy Between Sessions (Not Just During Them)
- How Sensation Changes Emotional Connection Over Distance
- Final Thoughts on LDR Intimacy and Adult Products
- Want More Reads?
What Exactly Are Long-Distance Sex Toys?
Sex toys have evolved far beyond basic silicone dildos or simple buzzing vibrators.
Modern long-distance sex toys are essentially internet-connected devices. Inside them are motors, sensors, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi modules, firmware, and proprietary apps that allow someone else to control sensations in real time—from across the room or across the world.
To qualify as a true long-distance toy, it needs one key feature:
Remote control via a smartphone app over the internet, not just Bluetooth.
That’s what allows control from anywhere in the world.
How Remote Control Actually Works
There are two main ways these toys operate:
1. App-Based Remote Control
Each partner downloads the brand’s app and pairs the toy. One person wears or uses the toy, while the other controls vibration strength, patterns, and intensity from their phone. This works whether you’re on the same couch or on different continents.
2. Haptic Feedback / Toy-to-Toy Sync
Some brands (Lovense is the best-known example) allow toys to react to each other. Movements, thrusts, or intensity changes in one toy trigger sensations in the other. This creates a feedback loop where both partners’ actions influence the experience.
This works across:
- Male/female
- Male/male
- Female/female
- Gender-neutral toy pairings
It’s not perfect replication—but it does create a shared physical rhythm instead of solo play.
“Smart sex toys, often referred to as teledildonics, are network-connected haptic devices that allow sexual or erotic stimulation through digital control, including over long distances.”
— Current Sexual Health Reports (Springer)
Choosing a Sex Toy for Your Long-Distance Relationship
Buying a sex toy for long-distance play isn’t about picking “the best” model—it’s about choosing the right tool for how you actually connect. Most disappointment comes from ignoring a few practical factors that matter far more than shape or brand hype.
Here’s how to make a smart choice the first time.
1️⃣ Start With Who Is Wearing It (Not the Toy Type)
Before you look at features, answer this honestly:
- Who will wear the toy most often?
- Who will control it more frequently?
- Is the wearer moving around—or lying still?
Why this matters: A wearable toy that shifts position constantly will kill the experience. A powerful wand is useless if the wearer needs hands free. Start with usage reality, not fantasy.
Practical matches:
- Moving around / daily wear → small, lightweight wearable vibrator
- Lying down / focused sessions → internal vibrator or masturbator
- External stimulation only → bullet or compact wand
- Anal or prostate play → flared-base plug with strong app control
2️⃣ App Stability Is More Important Than Power
For long-distance relationships, the app is the product, not the motor. Before buying, check recent app store reviews, not just star ratings. This includes complaints about disconnects mid-session, lag, or pairing failures.
3️⃣ Battery Life Needs to Match Your Session Style
Most product listings exaggerate battery life. What matters is runtime at medium-to-high intensity, not eco mode. If one person always forgets to charge things, look for faster charging over raw battery size.
Use this baseline:
- Under 60 minutes → not suitable for long-distance play
- 90–120 minutes → acceptable minimum
- 3+ hours → ideal for teasing, edging, or extended calls
4️⃣ Noise Level Is Not a Bonus Feature—It’s a Requirement
Many couples plan discreet play and abandon it because the toy is louder than expected.
- <45 dB for public or shared-space use
- Silicone casing with motor dampening
- Avoid toys described as “power-focused” without noise specs
Practical test: If reviewers say they can hear it through clothes or blankets, it’s not discreet—no matter what the product page claims.
5️⃣ Decide If You Need Toy-to-Toy Interaction
Not all long-distance toys interact with each other. Think about whether you both of you want to affect sensations (mirrored or reactive play) or if it’s just one controlling while the other is receiving? LDR options with toy-to-toy sync options, along with other control choices is the best of both worlds.
6️⃣ Don’t Overbuy on Day One
The biggest mistake couples make is buying too complex a toy first. Start with one wearable/internal toy and a simple way to control it, or at least a reasonable learning curve. After that, try a second toy, more complex ones, niche designs like thrusting, suction, clamps, etc.
Long-distance sex and intimacy are learned behaviors – not a one-purchase solution.
7️⃣ Set Boundaries Before You Sync
This isn’t about mood—it’s about safety and trust. A toy should never feel like loss of control unless that’s explicitly agreed upon. Before your first session, agree on:
- Max intensity levels
- Safe words or stop signals
- Whether surprise activation is allowed
- Public vs private use rules
- When control can be revoked instantly
Bottom Line
The best long-distance sex toy is the one that connects reliably, fits into routines, is comfortable, is easy to control, and doesn’t interrupt the moment. Start practical. Build from there. The goal isn’t tech—it’s staying connected when touch isn’t possible.
Recap: Use Case → What to Look For
| How You’ll Use the Toy | What to Prioritize | Why It Matters |
|---|---|---|
| Live video sessions | App stability + low latency | Lag kills rhythm and connection |
| Wearing it during the day | Quiet motor + secure fit | Noise or slipping ruins discretion |
| Long teasing sessions | 90–120+ min battery | Short battery = broken momentum |
| One partner controls most | Simple controls | Complexity frustrates the controller |
| Both partners interact | Toy-to-toy sync | Creates shared physical feedback |
| Public or shared spaces | <45 dB noise level | “Quiet” marketing isn’t enough |
| Time-zone mismatches | Pattern scheduling | Keeps intimacy asynchronous |
Learn More about Lovense LDR sex toys HERE!
When to Change the Toy (and When Not To)
We get it, there are so many options out there. It doesn’t matter if you’re just starting out or if you have an LDR adult toy already; it’s important to take a moment to think if it’s worth investing in a new way to connect.
| Don’t switch toys just because… | Do consider switching when… |
|---|---|
| You’re bored | The toy no longer fits how you actually use it |
| You feel like you “should upgrade” | Control or power dynamics feel stale |
| Someone online hyped a new release | The app limits what you want to explore |
| Fear of missing out | One partner’s role or needs have changed |
How to Use Long-Distance Sex Toys in Your LDR
Long-distance sex toys are clearly perfect for long-distance relationships. But there’s more than just connecting and reaching orgasms together.
Depending on what the brand offers, there are many possibilities. In the examples in this article, we’re obviously going to use Lovense examples – just keep in mind that not all brands have the same features.
- Use a video feature so you can see each other while you play.
- Try a wearable sex toy so your partner can tease you while you go about your day (before the main event). Or, they can just be naughty and tease you.
- Go the audio route instead of video and listen to their moans while you control their toy.
- Take turns controlling each other’s toys.
- Integrate fun sex games with your toys to keep things fun and spicy.
- Gift a new toy for important days (maybe something they really want to try).
- Send saucy photos of you with your toy (not connected) to make your partner desperate to hit the app button.
- Make them wear a toy to work or during errands and surprise them with vibrations.
The only real limit is your imagination.
And yes, these are not a perfect substitute for them being there in person and having their arms around you. However, it is a wonderful way to bridge the intimacy gap during those long stretches apart.
LDR Sex Toy Extras to Build Intimacy and Have Fun
There’s much more than just connecting and playing. Any good app worth its salt will have fun extras to play with on top of the long-distance feature.
- Set the app alarm to make your sex toy go off at a certain time. So you can wake up with your lover or at least with a smile on your face.
- Use the sound-sync option and have your lover choose music. The sounds of the song will activate the toy.
- If you both like porn, there are many sites that have clips that the toys will sync up with the action.
- Or, if you love erotic audiobooks, one company has partnered with Lovense so the spicy scenes are linked with the toy vibrations. Fun fact, the same company has the option for users to submit their own stories! If they’re good enough they’ll be put to voice and added to the library!
- Make your own free patterns and share them with your partner.
- Some adult games have the option to connect a sex toy. So any sex scenes will make the toy vibrate. There isn’t the option to have toys connected together. But you can play at the same time and talk about what’s going on or have a video call happening while you play.
Creating Intimacy Between Sessions (Not Just During Them)
Most couples only think about toys when they’re actively using them. The intimacy actually builds when the toy becomes a shared presence, even when it’s off.
- Talk about the toy casually during the day (“charge it,” “wear it later,” “don’t forget it”)
- Refer to it as shared (“our toy,” “the one you control”)
- Send screenshots of saved patterns or settings
- Leave a toy plugged in on video calls as a visual reminder
- Name specific modes or patterns so they become shorthand later
This turns the toy from an object into a symbol of connection, which deepens anticipation and emotional attachment tied to physical sensation.
Using Control Dynamics to Build Trust (Not Just Arousal)
Remote control isn’t only about stimulation — it’s about handing someone influence over your body. That’s intimacy when done intentionally.
Ways to use control to build connection:
- Agree on intensity ceilings rather than full freedom
- Use gradual build-up sessions instead of immediate max power
- Let the controlling partner respond to breathing, voice, or reactions
- Switch control mid-session to reinforce mutuality
- End sessions verbally, not abruptly disconnecting
Asynchronous Intimacy: Staying Connected Without Being Online Together
Long-distance intimacy doesn’t always happen live — and toys are especially powerful here.
Practical ways to use toys asynchronously:
- Pre-program patterns for specific times
- Leave a pattern “gift” your partner can activate later
- Assign a pattern to an emotion or situation
- Use short, intentional activations instead of full sessions
- Pair toy use with voice notes instead of video
This lets intimacy exist outside real-time schedules, which is critical for long-distance dynamics.
Turning Teasing Into a Multi-Day Experience
Remote toys don’t have to end in orgasm to feel intimate. You can keep sessions deliberately unfinished, run very low intensity for long stretches, or turn it on briefly and stop just to message instead. When you build patterns that almost get there—and save a real “finish” for a reunion or a planned moment—the connection comes from the waiting and the tension. Long-distance intimacy works best on anticipation, not just release.
Creating Intimacy Between Sessions (Not Just During Them)
Most couples only think about toys when they’re actively using them. The intimacy actually builds when the toy becomes a shared presence, even when it’s off.
Actionable ways to do this:
- Talk about the toy casually during the day (“charge it,” “wear it later,” “don’t forget it”)
- Refer to it as shared (“our toy,” “the one you control”)
- Send screenshots of saved patterns or settings
- Leave a toy plugged in on video calls as a visual reminder
- Name specific modes or patterns so they become shorthand later
This turns the toy from an object into a symbol of connection, which deepens anticipation and emotional attachment tied to physical sensation.
How Sensation Changes Emotional Connection Over Distance
Physical sensation feels different when it comes from someone far away. In long-distance play, touch isn’t automatic—it’s intentional. Every vibration, pause, or change in intensity is a choice made by a partner, which turns sensation into communication.
Many couples notice that hearing a partner react—through breath, voice, or small cues—can heighten arousal more than the sensation alone. Control also introduces vulnerability: letting someone guide your body from a distance requires trust, and that trust deepens emotional connection.
Over time, repeated patterns and familiar rhythms become emotionally charged. The sensations start to feel associated with the partner, not just the body. In that way, the toy becomes more than a device—it becomes a bridge, carrying presence and intention across distance.
“Digitally mediated touch can create a perceived sense of presence and emotional connection, even when physical contact is not possible.” ~ Frontiers in Psychology (NIH / PMC)
Final Thoughts on LDR Intimacy and Adult Products
Long-distance relationships already come with huge amounts of stress. But, by finding ways to be intimate, at least you can reduce one major stressor (and in a really fun way).
That being said, it’s not lost on anyone that people living apart have added expenses of traveling to meet each other. So, don’t feel pressure to break the bank and buy an expensive toy ASAP (because none of them are cheap). Instead, take your time and wait for a good deal that’s usually linked to a major holiday.
There are plenty of great ways to stay intimate until then!
Want More Reads?
- Keep the Spark Alive: Top Long-Distance Sex Toys for Gay Couples
- Long-Distance Relationship Gifts Guide: Sending Love From Afar
- 25 Common App-Controlled Vibrator Problems & Fixes