Self Love and Orgasms – Learn the Only F*CK You’ll Want to Give

Orgasms are a natural part of sexual health. But what about our emotional health – our self love?

In this article we’re going to look at all the benefits that come with meaningful masturbation, working through possible emotional pitfalls, and many different ways you can integrate sexy personal time into your daily life.


During an orgasm, there’s a rush of endorphins, prolactin, oxytocin, DHEA. There’s also more blood flow, higher estrogen levels (that can increase collagen), and a reduction in cortisol (stress hormone).

All of this combines for a potent cocktail of better skin and hair, a major workout for the brain (in a great way), better sleep, helps immunity, an increased feeling of happiness, and a reduction in pain.


Many women note that healthy sex adventures lead to a boost in confidence. Also, there can be a stronger bond between your partner. However, not all ladies find this to be true.

There are some who might feel a rush of guilt or worthlessness afterward – like they’ve done something dirty. Or there’s the push to do it because of wanting to be sexual for another person. Others might do it out of boredom or function rather than enjoyment.

In the case of the first two examples, the only advice or words of support I would feel qualified to give would be, “YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS OR DIRTY! You deserve to feel pleasure.” Beyond that, it really is something people should talk to a professional about – if for no other reason than to have a set of ears that you know will have zero judgement. But, at best, someone with the experience to know how to help others maneuver their way through feelings of guilt or unease (at their own pace).

So if you’re reading this and have problems with masturbation or any form of self-intimacy, don’t feel pressure for anything written here to suddenly change anything. It can be simply educational or something to tuck in your back pocket for when you’re ready.


self care, self love, masturbation, benefits of orgasms

Just like any other form of self-care (like brushing your teeth, taking a bath, or going on a walk), you have to set a bit of time aside you want to dedicate to your orgasms journey.

Lots of people have different numbers, but the general idea is to start with 30 minutes. It hopefully gives you enough time to settle in, explore, play, and *fingers crossed* reach the big O. But that’s just a suggested time. If you need longer, go for it. Shorter sort of defeats the purpose of self love.

Pre-game Exploration

If you’re not familiar with your body (in a pleasure sense), it’s worth taking some time to explore your erogenous zones before jumping into a self care session.

Experiment with different kinds of masturbation techniques as well as positions or locations. Maybe you prefer the bathtub instead of the bedroom. Perhaps you like g-spot focus instead of clitoral. Then there’s on your back versus lying on your stomach. There’s no wrong way – only what’s right for you.

Oh, and don’t forget a nice, water-based lube! Nothing nice happens with things are dry.

The Warm-Up

When you’ve decided to dedicate your 30 minutes, spend the first 10 minutes or so (or however long you want/need) to getting comfortable and in the mood. You can…

  • Listen to your favorite sexy music
  • Read an erotic book or listen to an audio version
  • Have some mood lighting
  • Watch whatever porn your enjoy
  • Slowly and gently touch and caress yourself
  • Fantasize about whatever gets you going

The Event

Now is the time to start making yourself feel amazing through whatever masturbation techniques you like. You don’t have to jump into anything if you don’t want – you can ease in if that’s your preference.

Also, it’s important to remember that while orgasms are epic, they’re not the end-all-be-all of goals. I know it sounds like it goes against everything in this article, but the pressure to orgasm can often have the opposite effect.

So, instead, enjoy the time you have with yourself. Be present and savor the feelings you have and the sounds you make – the tingles and rushes. Connect with your body and if you end with a bang, great! If not, it’s NOT wasted time. You still felt great and dedicated time to self care. But definitely do NOT continue doing something that doesn’t feel good/right in the hopes of breaking through some barrier and feeling something positive on the other side.

That being said, if you find you usually have problems reaching your peak, it’s okay to get a bit of extra help from a sex toy. If you’re not sure what you would prefer, here is a general breakdown…

Try an app-controlled sex toy. You can set low/med/high vibration levels to whatever your body prefers!

The Cool Down

After it’s all said and done (or screamed and done), don’t be in a rush to go about your day. Take a few minutes to relax and enjoy. Maybe there are things you want to change for next time? Or perhaps there is something you want to desperately do again? Maybe sprinkle in some affirmations.


It might feel like a lot of pressure to complete every session with a toe-curling orgasm. However, it’s normal for that not to happen. They can be tiny ones, fleeting ones, non-existent ones, etc. The point is to learn a new kind of self care – a form of self-connection and love without the need to be validated by another body between the sheets.

So, go forth and be loving to yourself!

Lovense blog has one, passionate drive - to bring everyone valuable content revolving around sex toys, sex education, safe kink practices, and even a bit of entertainment just to make you smile.

It's this drive that proudly earned us the title "Best Sex Blog in the World" in 2020. But we haven't stopped there. We're always on the hunt for new material and ways to help you learn, grow, and stay safe in the world of sex.

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