The Strangers Paid for My Pleasure

I wish I had a cute Lovense gift story to share. That I had seen the light in someone's eyes when opening a gift box to the hot pink Lovense color and understood the implication.

That's not the truth, though.

Most of my Lovense toys are gifts from me to me. I take my own pleasure very seriously, and I am always curious to see if there is more or different pleasure to be had. These are quality devices, though, with a matching price tag, so I've tried to utilize my least defining trait (patience) to keep my toy acquisition progress linear rather than exponential. I have, after all, gone from 2 to 10 toys in one month.

But two of those, I did not buy myself.I will admit that when I first noticed the "Wish List" tab on my page, I thought it was meant for personal use. I figured it would be a neat way for me to keep track of toys I wanted and the order I wanted to get them in. Of course, I quickly realized it was not personal at all, but rather public, and I left it alone.

At least until I made a post asking which of two toys I should prioritize and the recommendations were evenly split down the middle. As some of you know, I ended up making a poll and I jokingly included the option of "Both (but only choose this if you're gonna pay for one)." More than 40 people still voted for that option and I, frustrated that they weren't making the choice easier for me, set up that wish list and pasted the link in a pinned comment. Basically calling their bluff, but I assure you, I had no expectations of anything more.

And this is where the impatience plays a part again. Because this was a Sunday, and I remember thinking I wanted to get the order posted that night so it would be shipped the next day. This was a specific toy type missing from my collection and I was eager to try it out.

So, that Sunday night, I decided that it was my money and my pleasure, and so I ordered both toys myself.

Of course, the next day I found out that someone had decided to put their money where their mouth was and ordered one of the toys from my wish list.

My initial reaction was freaking out. I wish I still had my chat logs from those days because they show a clear progression of "Oh shit, I was just trying to be funny" to "What do I do? I have already ordered that toy myself??" and "Oh my God, someone bought me a toy" to "Oh my God, someone gifted me a toy, no strings attached, from just seeing my posts."

And that last one made my head spin for a full day. I've talked about this previously. I like attention, obviously, and I particularly love comments and compliments. And someone appreciating me enough to want that pleasure for me, without anything in return, was like the ultimate supernova of compliments.

Someone choosing to spend their own money on something purely because they wanted to make me happy made me feel absurdly appreciated.

I still went back and forth between which order I would cancel, mine or the gift giver's. I love compliments, but I'm not always good at receiving them. Apparently gifts are the same.

In the end, though, I decided I would appreciate this for what it was (a gift) and canceled my own order. Every time I use that toy, I get an extra little thrill from knowing this was bought for me purely because some generous soul wanted me to feel good.

I hadn't posted that many pictures by then. I didn't have anything close to the following I have now. I was just some girl they'd found on Bond, and somehow I'd made enough of an impression that they wanted to do something nice for me. The confidence boost is unrivaled.

And so is my ability to feel guilty about accepting something nice. Even after I decided to keep the gift, there was still that little nagging thought in the back of my head: This is too much. I don't deserve this. I shouldn't accept it.

I have said before, I wish I could put stickers on my wish list. Something small, something cute, something that is just a tiny token of affection. That someone could have the option of getting me a coffee (or a bottle of water, before you come at me for my caffeine headaches), instead of something so substantial and long-lasting as a quality sex toy.

Then, it happened again. This time, I had not linked the wish list. There was no poll, no joke, and no calling anyone's bluff. They had simply gone looking for it on their own, found it buried deep in my old comments, and decided to buy me something simply because they wanted to.

No strings attached. Nothing expected in return. Nothing gained from it except knowing they had made me happy.

Can you imagine how that felt to receive? I am so deeply humbled by receiving both of these toys as gifts.And yet, I have never posted my wish list link again. I do not think I will.And now, here is the vulnerable part:I still haven't deleted the link.

Why? It's so silly, really, but there is a traffic counter that I can see on my end showing how many people have used the link. And I get a little rush every time it goes up by one. The list is empty. There is no chance of actually buying me anything. But knowing someone went searching so far down the rabbit hole that they found and clicked that old link gives me almost the same rush as getting a gift.

I'm an overthinker by nature, but even I can't convince myself I've pressured anyone into doing anything when it takes that kind of effort.
Someone considered getting me a gift. And that is enough for me right now, to be honest 💕