Up the bum without the OUCH – 20+ tips on how to have anal sex

 Presenting the posterior for penetration is downright terrifying for some – right up there with brown recluse spiders, heights, and holes (trypophobia – yeah, it’s a thing). 


But it do NOT have to be an crappy experience. All it takes is the right build up.


Get the back side warmed up and let's get started...



Anal sex, however, doesn't only exist in the realm of "lights, camera, action!"  


There are plenty of people who enjoy going in through the back door and aren't taking their clothes off for a living.  


If you're new to this kind of play, there are many things to be aware of before you even slip off you trousers.



1. First, and foremost ... Communication & Consent 


Be really sure you want to try it (or at least, be curious enough about it). Talk to your partner about the prospect. Whether bluntly or delicately depends on your relationship.


It's completely acceptable to ask.


It's completely acceptable to say no.


What is NEVER acceptable is pressuring someone into it if they aren't convinced. It's also not okay to ask them every god damn time you're naked.  


Also, the "accidentally-slipping-it-in" move is an asshole thing to do. You can cause serious damage by pulling a stunt like that.


But, if you decide to give it a whirl, there's lots more to learn....



2. Forget the Taboo 



Whether due to religious dogma or misconceptions spread around the societal water-cooler, anal sex has got a bum rap – the big one being that it’s FILTHY.


Considering the nightmare that can come out of there after a night at a Mexican buffet, I can see how people would think that.




The anal cavity is actually isn’t that dirty, with very little fecal matter left in there.



3. Use a Condom


When we say “very little”, there’s still a bit in there (especially if you’re near a poop). This is why it’s always a good idea to wrap up that willy.


It makes clean-up that much easier. There’s also the ever-present chance of STIs (remember, it’s saf-ER sex now, not just safe).


You also want to…



4. Avoid Cross Contamination


Once it’s stuck in the rear, it goes nowhere else – not in the vagoo or the mouth. And forget what you’ve seen off of porns! To prep for a scene, porn stars clean things better than most of us clean … well … anything.


If you want to start dipping your stick into other orifices...


switch condoms!



Remember, the vagina’s internal environment exists in a delicate balance. It doesn’t take much foreign matter to change things from hunky-dory to “JESUS CHRIST WHY WON’T THE BURNING STOP?!”


RANDOM FACT: Synonyms for anilingus (anal-oral sex) = rimjob, rimming, eating ass, salad tossing, 



5. Go to the bathroom beforehand 


Up the butt is not fun when you are on the verge of a bowel movement (THAT’S when things could get messy).


Make sure there’s nothing in there, and give things a good soapy wash. Antibacterial soap isn’t necessary but if you want to get into rim jobs (oral stimulation of the anus), going the extra mile won’t hurt.



6. Throw on an extra sheet 


This is mostly because of the lube you’ll be using, and that stuff can sometimes be a pain to get out of your blankets.




7. Use the right lube and use LOTS of it 


You can’t just grab anything off the shelf, pay for it with a blush, and then run out of the store hoping none of your friends or coworkers saw you.


There is a plethora of brands and styles out there, but you generally want to stick to ANAL lubes.




Because they are (or should be) formulated with a different PH to work with the PH of your anus. Whether it’s water based, silicone, or “other” is up to you.


What you should NOT do is keep using anything that STINGS!


That is NOT normal


= it doesn’t work for your body.


Oh, and stay the hell away from KY Jelly – that stuff is about a 4 where the average rectal PH is about a 6. It also has a 10,300mOsm/kg in osmolality … which is bad.


This hyper-osmotic nature of the lube can cause cell dehydration and cell death.


To learn more, check out this article.





You should be wearing so much of the slick stuff that your ass should look like it’s oozing something out of an Aliens movie.




Apply, slip your stick in, take it out, apply more, put it in … repeat. One applicant is NOT enough.



9. Try a lube injector 


These are good if you have trouble getting lube in with your fingers, toys, or tool. Easy to use and less mess.



10. Do NOT use warming, cooling, or DESENSITIZING lubes


They are evil, wretched liquids that should never go near the butt.


Whether we like it or not, pain is our friend. It tells us when shit *giggle* is going wrong.


Don’t dull your never endings with desensitizing lube. It can do more harm than good. Plus, the warming stuff often contains materials from things like chili peppers. Ouch.


NEWS FLASH if it’s being done right, it shouldn’t hurt. It might feel weird, but not painful. The first step is lube, the second is talking your way through it, and the third is relaxing. Tensing up will not help things. Keep breathing.



11. Calm the f*ck down


Try a glass of wine. If you are in charge of penetration, throw in a bit of a massage during things.


Anything to help get the blood and arousal pumping. I promise you, external stimulation goes a long way to making the process easier.



12. Disintegrating Sex Devices 


Speaking of sex toys...


Since you’re going to be all lubed up, using sex toys during your escapades is another great option.


Just be careful of what kind of lubricant you’re using with what material.


Example: Silicone is great for anal sex (it lasts a lot longer). But you can NOT use it with a silicone toy, because it will degrade the quality of the material and eventually cause tears and other problems.


Also, make sure the toy isn’t porous. If it is, throw a condom over it.


For more information, check out this article.



13. Slow the hell down 


Don’t follow what the porn stars do (things like rubbing the tip against the opening for a few seconds then shoving it inside).


They have FAR more experience and their asses have become accustomed to it.


And when I say slowly, we’re talking TURTLE pace.


No … scratch that.


Turtles will look like Formula One racers compared to how fast you should be moving. This also includes pulling out.


Image from Oh Joy Sex Toy - check out their stuff. It's AWESOME!



14. Graduate up in size


If things still aren’t working for you, or your partner has a dick the size of an elephant’s, consider Anal Trainers.


They look like butt plugs, but come in sets of 3 to five – most starting at the size of your finger and working their way up to something you can be proud of.




15. Find the right position 


And, for the love of god, do not start with missionary.


For beginners, it’s damn near impossible to find things and maneuver your way around to the sweet spot without looking like a fumbling idiot.


Cowgirl is a good one if the person on top wants to control the speed.


Doggy Style is another winner.



16. Have a sense of humor about things 


Be ready for giggles, laughs, and red cheeks.


It’s not like defusing a bomb, nor should there be the same level of seriousness attached to it.


Also, don’t freak out on your partner if something goes wrong.


When mortification rears its head, the only acceptable thing to say is, “It’s okay, honey. Don’t worry.”




17. Hit the head after 


Not only should you be going to the bathroom beforehand, you should also go after. Especially if you’re loosened up a lot.


The chances of you accidentally losing your bowels are next to none, but a seemingly innocent feeling of “gas” might not be.


Also, if you’re partner doesn’t wear a condom, and has ejaculated in you, things need to be cleared out.



18. Don’t melt down if you see blood


(While screaming to your partner that they’ve destroyed your ass).


The anal passage tissue is actually rather delicate – you can get small tears during a hard bowel movement. As long as it’s not a lot, you’ll be fine.




if you keep seeing blood, talk to your doctor.



19. Your sphincter will permanently stretch out = FALSE!


You will NOT end up like some over-pulled piece of play-doh.


Things will stretch out during sex, but, after a few minutes, things will go back to normal. We can have bowel movements the size of an average dick anyways. And as long as you’re being gentle and using lube, there should be no damage.



20. Taking it in the ass doesn’t mean you’re gay


It just means you like it in the ass.


There are TONS of nerve endings around the anus for both men and women. Gents also have the equivalent of a g-spot (the prostate).


It reacts to stimulation whether you’re gay, straight, bi, undecided, or a damn inflatable doll.




21. After giving it the good, old college try


If you still don’t like it, you don’t have to keep trying. Period.


22. More things people don’t tell you


  • Anal queefing is totally possible
  • The first time might just feel weird
  • Beginners might feel a bit sensitive in the anus afterward
  • A bit of smell is possible. Don’t worry
  • You don’t have to douche
  • There is an extremely small chance you might poop during
  • When a woman wears a strap-on on a man, it’s called pegging. Yep, is not just guys giving it to girls
  • Your butt still has a mind of its own. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t




After all this reading, I’m also sure you’ve figured out one other very important thing … Anal sex is not a spontaneous thing! It takes time and preparation.


So why go through it all?


  • Some men like the difference in the sensation (it’s much tighter than a vagina).
  • It’s an erogenous zone capable of delivering immense pleasure.
  • Also, if someone buys into the “taboo” aspect, it can be erotic to do something you know you “shouldn’t”.


I hope this article has helped or enlightened you to pleasure in places where the sun doesn’t shine.


Have an anal-tastic day!




RANDOM FACT: Synonyms for anilingus (anal-oral sex) = rimjob, rimming, eating ass, salad tossing, 

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