How to Use a Dildo: Go From Average Moans to Atomic Groans

Buy a cheap one and stick it in.

Not the best advice for … anything really, especially sex toys.

Granted, it can be as simple as insertion, but there’s so much more we can think about: type, pressure, position, environment, participant etc.

Click here to jump down the article to toy techniques…

START WITH THE STORE


They’re not all the seedy, stereotypical businesses you see on television. Some are quite posh and boutique-like. Even the “average” ones try to accommodate everyone (otherwise they wouldn’t make much money).

Look in your local Yellow Pages for one near you and take the leap.

Also, your wallet is obviously going to restrict your choices.

However…

Most decent stores should carry a wide variety to suit any budget. If you’re not sure, just ask an employee.

WHILE YOU’RE IN THE STORE


1. Think about what size you want

This means length and girth (how long and how thick).

REMEMBER: the most sensitive area is in the first 1/3 of the vagina, so there’s no need to get one as big as your arm (yes, they do make those).

Some girls like the “completely filled” feeling. Others like it barely-there. Whatever floats your boat.  If you’re not sure, think about how many fingers you can take during play time. That’s generally a good guide.

But,

If you’re STILL not sure, it might be better to buy one on the smaller side.

2. Think about what material you want

You can find rubber, latex, glass, stone, metal, wood, silicone, leather, plastic, Cyberskin etc – and each has their own pros and cons.

WARNING: Some materials used in dildos are unsafe for the body and hard to clean (this writer personally stays a million miles away from Jelly toys).

There’s also style, firmness, rigidness, flexibility, and purpose (anal, vaginal, two partners etc)

Want to know more about sex toy materials? Read this:

G-spot Buyer’s Guide and Product Reviews

SETTING THE MOOD


Getting in the right mood is essential – for two very important reasons…

…relaxed vagina muscles and lubrication.

We certainly don’t shove a penis in when things are dry. A dildo is no exception.

  • Do you prefer the room dark or with the lights on?
  • Need to lock the door?
  • Love scented candles or go crazy for a certain smell?
  • Do you like to be watched? (Who said toy time HAD to be alone?)

Fantasize, read an erotic story, listen to music that turns you on, watch some porn, watch your partner do something sexy, ask for some tongue action, jump on the foreplay train, or use your fingers for a while – anything to get the juices flowing.

Even if you use lube (which you should with any of these toys), this slick assistant sometimes isn’t enough. Double trouble lubrication is never a bad thing.

Getting in the mood also relaxes you.

This makes it much easier to slide in a toy. You can also take advantage of the multiple orgasm ability and have a few of them beforehand.

VARIOUS TECHNIQUES


Take things slow and keep breathing (when there’s discomfort, we tend to hold our breath – this, in turn, makes everything tense).

Start with shallow, gentle thrusts.

Then slowly build to whatever levels you find comfortable.

Play around with depth, speed, rhythm, and rotation (yes rotation) until you come across the perfect pattern that makes your body scream, “YES!”

  • DEEP THRUSTING – Go straight in and fill the entire length of the vagina. For this, you’ll need a firm toy. It doesn’t have to be super rigid, but softer ones are harder to use this way. This technique is also great for ribbed or textured toys.
  • SHORT AND SHALLOW – You can do this by angling the toy so the tip runs along the top or bottom wall of the vagina (towards your tummy or your back). If you want to focus on your G-spot, use something with the proper curve that’s meant to find this magic button.

Check out Rabbit Vibrator “Nora” for an example

  • PRESSURE PLAY – Experiment with gentle pressures, hard pressures, and everything in between. You can also try squeezing and relaxing your pelvic muscles for extra tightness.
  • MOVE THAT BODY – Keeping movements to a minimum works for some, but don’t be afraid to put a little hip into it. Work that midsection the same way you would thrust against your partner.
  • GOOD VIBRATIONS – Incorporate wands, finger toys, or whatever wiggles. If the sensation is too strong, you can put some material between the toy and the clit.

PLEASURABLE POSITIONS


  • Lie on your back or face-down. These positions, however, put more stress on the wrists or joints. The discomfort can be mitigated by bending your knees towards your chest or putting pillows in places that take away unwanted pressure.
  • Doggy style. For this one, you’ll need to purchase a toy with a suction cup base. You can stick it against a headboard or a wall, get into position, and rock it until the neighbors call with noise complaints.
  • Speaking of suction cups… You can attach your little friend to a chair, stool, coffee table, or floor. This is especially good because it leaves your hands free to play with other things or use other toys (I would recommend a Hitachi wand or finger vibrator). Also, if you’re on a chair, that doesn’t mean your feet have to be on the floor. Get creative and go crazy.
  • Not just a girl toy anymore.  Remember those big rubber balls you would sit on and bounce around? If you’re feeling truly adventurous, and a simple chair isn’t doing it for you, there are hopping-ball dildos for us big kids.
  • In the shower or bath. The suction cup toys work very well here too. The non-stick ones work fine, just make sure the toy is 100% waterproof. Careful you don’t slip!

CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE


Ice cubes or heat-activated lubes aren’t anything new, but did you know you can heat or cool your dildo?

The materials and methods, however, are VERY important.

  • GLASS DILDOS – Made from the right materials, with the right methods, and by the right person, these things are quite safe.
  • METAL DILDOS – A far more comfortable option if you’re still worried about glass, but you’ll notice a weight and price difference.
  • STONE DILDOS – Another in the line of environmentally friendly toys which is also on the pricey side. However, like their steel siblings, they retain heat and cold far better and for much longer.

Heating and cooling are as simple as:

Leaving it in the freezer (in a clean ziplock bag) or putting it in hot/warm water until you get the desired temperature. Also, If it’s cold, put on LOTS of lube or a condom (still with lube) before play – do you remember what happened when you stuck your tongue to that frozen lamp-post?

Too hot or too cold? Leave it to sit for a while.

WARNING: Never, ever, put a glass dildo in a microwave – it creates uneven hot spots, and you could seriously burn yourself. You shouldn’t be putting a metal one in there either (for obvious reasons).

MIX AND SPICE THINGS UP


  • A dildo in the vagina
  • A butt plug in the backside
  • A plug AND dildo for double penetration
  • A penis in the vagina and a toy in the backside
  • A toy (dildo or vibrator) in the vagina and a penis in the backside
  • Toys and fingers
  • Toys, penis, AND fingers

Have a Skype date with a lover and put on a show for them. Tie up your partner and drive them crazy by making them watch but not touch. Get into some pair action with both parties using a toy. M/M, F/F, M/F doesn’t matter.

If it’s a male partner, consider getting a prostate massager and use a vibrator on the penis or around the anus (remember to keep things clean).

Want some strap-on action?

You need to think about all the purchasing points we mentioned above, what style of harness you would prefer, AND if the dildo will fit into the “O” ring of the harness.

Even with a long, two-ended toy, there needs to be proper positioning and coordination. Lying on your back with your legs scissored together (and one person holding the center of the dildo) might work better.

OTHER THINGS TO THINK ABOUT


I strongly recommend that you DO NOT use a regular dildo for anal sex.

Why?

The rectal opening (sphincter) closes pretty tightly and traps anything inside the anus – this is why we don’t mess ourselves during the course of our day. There’s always a chance of the dildo sliding in and the sphincter closing tighter than your grandma’s girdle. Add the fact you’ve used copious amounts of lube, and it’s a memorable trip to the hospital.

And don’t think that if the toy’s long, it won’t get trapped.

Learn how to choose safe anal toys here:

Anal Toys Buyer’s Guide and Product Reviews

Finally,

Some people might freak out after they buy a toy, use it once, then find the next time doesn’t feel as good.

If that’s the case, don’t worry.

It’s the same as sex – just because you like something one night, doesn’t mean you’re going to like it the next.

Maybe you’re on your period. Perhaps you’ve had an intense day at the gym. The job could have taken a big toll on you that day. It’s for this reason some people have more than one style of toy.

Now, take these tips, my dear friends, and go rock that dildo until the neighbors hear!

Anything you want to add? Share in the comments!

0 thoughts on “How to Use a Dildo: Go From Average Moans to Atomic Groans

  1. Having been born with a micro penis and associated ed issues I had only given my wife oral and fingers for clitoral os which were enjoyable to her but when I bought her the Real Cock 2 dildo and eventually with time gave her all its 8×2 inches wow!! she has multiple huge G spot and A spot Os crazy!

  2. My wife is interested in adding toys to our love life. She wants to get a clitoral vibe and a “large” dildo. But I feel threatened and a little inadequate. How can I get over this fear of being replaced so I can l show her that I want her to try new things?

    1. Simple — a toy can’t cuddle, talk, support, love, laugh, grow, adapt, learn, embrace, kiss, or take care of you when you’re feeling down or sick. Toys are aids and enhancements, not replacements. Toys can also be pleasurable to BOTH participants.

      1. I will try to keep what you said in mind. The dildo is a lot bigger than my average size. And while it can’t compete with my human qualities I feel like it will surpass me in the act of penetration. Will she compare my penis with the large dildo? What will be like for her to use bigger dildo?

        1. Another misconception is that female pleasure is only from penetration or that penetration is the main measurement. Don’t fall into those traps. Most women have an easier time getting to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Even if she likes large dildos, it’s not a bad reflection of the partner.

        2. If you honestly think that would happen talk to her. She vocalised her needs. You can volcalise your fears. Talking and being open about your sex dreams and sex fears allows both parties to express themselves fully. You might even find it more pleasurable.

        3. Hi Eric,

          I promise it will not surpass you. The fact alone that you support your wife in playing with her while she has the dildo will supercede everything else.

          Be fully present in the moment,look her in the eye and truly love her. It will only enhance your lovemaking connection. Goodluck.

        4. You know there are actually wearables that you can use to improve your length? You could try one of those with her.

        5. I am in charge of the toys she has to trust me and tell me. I get creative sometimes even. Use the toys on her as she blows you. Get nipple clips to enhance her pleasure and have some added fun. When she cums it will not be the toys she thinks of.

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