Well, I’m at it again – a tear apart toy review.
And the Je Joue Dua is in my sights … again. (I looked at this toy briefly in another review, but it was more of a short blurb, rather than a thorough dismantling under a microscope.)
Are you ready?
THE REASON FOR PURCHASE
It was going to be a fun night out and I wanted to surprise my man with an extra bit of excitement. I popped into the local sex shop with the mind to buy a wearable, remote toy.
SIDE NOTE: The problem with living in China and having a large enthusiasm for sex toys is that they’re either are cheap/affordable and SUCK (even dangerous) or are over-priced to the point of being offensive. The problem is, if you want something safe, you have to go for the pricey ones.
So, I handed over my bank card with a wince (after insisting she take everything out of the box so I could test it). Things looked cool. Things vibrated. She gave me extra batteries. YAY!
I ALSO confirmed the 1-year warranty.
Yep? Yep. Good.
I bounce home, my mind racing with all sorts of naughty ideas.
The result? We will get to that. But first…
Okay. I have to talk about something positive at some point, and the packaging is about all I can come up with.
I think one of the reasons people buy Je Joue is because it looks legitimate. The packaging is sturdy, with an outer display box and an inner box to hold the bits and bobs. The inner box is pressed cardboard that’s covered in some sort of black, textured layer. This is only worth mentioning because the foam inserts that are in most toys leave a fine fuzz on the silicone.
However, what we end up with is a plastic mold, which looks cheap AF.
I would give the packaging around an 8/10.
Nothing special here. Just a simple magnet charger. Not bad.
Charging time was what you would expect from these toys (a couple of hours).
If there are any problems (and the charging light doesn’t turn on) I just wiggle it or flip it around. I DID find the magnet a little weak though.
It passed the burn test. Nothing melted, but there was a bit of black scorching left behind. I’m fairly confident it’s silicone.
The silicone has a bit of drag to it, which is fine considering it’s meant as a wearable.
THE PHONE APP
At the time I got it, there was no app support for anything other than an iOS – and after working for a sex toy company, I know that’s bullshit. I did pop into the Google Play store and saw there was an app available now.
Look at the reviews as of the June 7th, 2017 update.
Damn. That’s a lot of pissed-off people, and those are just the people that bothered to leave a review.
I wonder how many others were living in Crash City.
Okay, if you’ve been waiting to see the train wreck, now’s the time.
Putting the toy in was an experience unto its own. The bulb was rather large and needed copious lube to get in. This didn’t worry me because they advertise the toy as being WEARABLE IN PUBLIC, so having a larger end and smaller neck is a good design.
I get it in and surprise my man with the remote (which I tested once more before I put it in – the vibrations were “okay” at best if you were wondering).
Now, for some reason, the pen remote decided to get buggy, which I thought was just him getting used to the controls.
Turning it one was a challenge. Changing the levels was a bitch – and all this while reading the instructions and following them step by step.
Is it on? Yep. Fresh batteries. Yep.
There still seemed to be some kind of functionality – as sputtering as it was – so we decided to head out for dinner … which is where things really started to go wrong.
- Things started to slide out to the point of discomfort and duck-waddle-walking
- I had to sit and not move from my chair to keep things in
- The remote stopped working altogether, despite methodical testing of each twist and press
- I ended up having to take it out
After taking it home, we plugged it in just to be sure and then went through the whole pen remote process again.
IT GETS WORSE …
I take it back with my receipt and asked for a refund or at least store credit or SOMETHING under the warranty.
“Oh, soooorrry, the toy is under the 1-year warranty. But the pen remote is battery operated, so it’s only covered under a 2-week refund policy.”
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
And I’m like two days past the return date with a saleswoman that gives zero shits. Not to mention this is China, and the logistics and services for getting this fixed through Je Joue are a nightmare.
That’s a hot $100 bucks down the drain.
Je Joue Dua is, to date, one of the worst sex toys I have ever purchased. My experience was so bad that I refuse to buy any of their other proudest. For one, they’re not getting another dime of my hard-earned money. Second, if this is the quality of one of their most expensive toys, I can’t imagine what the others are like.
It’s better used as a doorstop.
WOULD I REVIEW MORE JE JOUE PRODUCTS?
Maybe. I’m genuinely (and morbidly) curious if their other toys are this disappointing. But will I use MY money?
Hell no. It’s free samples or nothing.
And I highly doubt they’re going to throw one my way anytime soon.
If a wearable toy is something you’re interested in, you can try these alternatives…
- Lush by Lovense
- Jive by WeVibe
- Lelo Lyla 2
- Panty vibrators – bullet vibrators you can slip inside your undies. They’re cheaper and have a wide variety to choose from. Look through Pink Cherry or Fun Factory.
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Want more sex toy reviews? Check these out:
- Rose G-spot Vibrator Review – Can a Cheap Amazon Sex Toy Be Good?
- Sex Toy Review: Natural Contours Vibrator La-G Massager
- The 10 Best Rabbit Vibrators
Anything you want to add? Share in the comments!