In this massive guide, we will look at the various types of female sex toys, how to care for them, warnings/dangers, and product reviews – so you can have a safer and more pleasurable experience.
NOTE: If you want to jump straight to the 21 REVIEWS, click here.
WHAT KIND OF TOYS ARE THERE?
DILDOS & VIBRATORS
There is an entire buffet of choices – G-spot, duel action, triple action, hollow dildos, vibrators, thrusting, double-ended etc.
Dildos are anything we slide up our Vajay-jays, but this term is usually for the ones that are solid and have no moving parts.
A vibrator, however, has a motor inside. G-spot toys are curved or have a slight bump on the tip to stimulate our happy button.
Doubles will have two motors/vibrating parts, one for the vagina and one for the clitoris – often called rabbit vibrators.
Triples will have one more for the anus. The double-ended ones look just like a dildo but have a penis-like tip on both ends. Good for pair play. We can also include strap-ons in this list.
The first of these bad boys was marketed by Hitachi as a “vibrating massager” but it wasn’t until sex educator, Betty Dodson, made them famous for masturbation. Now, there are tons of other wand models.
Their notoriously INTENSE motors make them not for the faint of heart … or clitoris. You can also find an impressive array of attachments that can change their strictly outer use to something for inner vaginal, anal, or any other creative play your kinky mind can come up with.
BULLETS & EGGS
Although some are shaped like “bullets” (big capsules) and others like actual eggs, the basic design is the same – small. Some are just for external use but other models can go inside – insertable ones might have a long cord to make it easier to pull out.
They sometimes have a separate remote or a button on the end that controls vibration strengths and patterns. Discreet and good for traveling.
They are exactly what they sound like – little vibrators that attach to your finger. Sort of a little brother of a bullet. They also look like cute little creatures that can’t quite decide if they’re sci-fi insects or over-the-top jewelry.
Keep in mind, the smaller/cheaper the toy, the weaker the vibrator. Good for other parts of the body besides our vagoos. Hint: nipple teasing
BEN WA BALLS
Also known as Burmese bells, Orgasm balls, Rin-no-tama, Venus balls, or Geisha balls. They are sets of one or two small, weighted, marble-like balls that you insert into your vagina all the way to the back.
They serve two purposes. First, to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
Second, to deliver a pleasant vibration (not to the point of orgasm though). Not to be confused with some anal bead designs. I highly suggest you research how to use these before you buy them.
If you want to learn how to use these properly, read this:
These might look like something your grandpa would reach for when he needs a puff of oxygen. But, I assure you, it goes nowhere near the mouth.
Derived from the penis pump, they are meant to increase blood flow around the clitoris and labia – and we all know that blood flow to our erogenous zones is very good.
If you love a little sucking action when your partner goes down on you, this is definitely a self-gift to consider.
Because there are so many, we’ll have to lump these into a single group of “something with a phallic object attached to a motor.”
Before you cringe or run from the idea, have you ever had your partner run out of sexual steam, only to pass out next to you (snoring happily in their post-coital bliss) while you lie there horny and ready to force feed them Viagra?
Fucking machines only run out of power when your electricity gets cut off or you switch if off because you can’t take any more orgasms.
SAFETY ISSUES, CARE, MAINTENANCE
WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE YOU BUY
1. THE SCAM
Toys are often labeled “novelty only” because it’s easier to ship and sell them around the world than if they are labeled as a “medical device” (which is what the FDA considered properly made sex toys). They also don’t have to tell you what they are actually made from …
Dodgy toys could include – Phthalates, Trimethyltin chloride, Phenol, Toluene, Lead, Arsenic, Antimony, and CADMIUM.
2. POROSITY & MATERIALS
Think of the pores on your nose – little holes where stuff can get stuck inside. When we talk about the porosity of sex toys, it’s generally the same concept.
Certain materials will absorb things like fluids, bacterial, STIs etc. and retain them no matter how hard you clean or sterilize. They can also grow things like mold and fungi. Yuck.
Non-porous toys are made from materials that won’t allow absorption. Things stay on the surface and are easily washed away.
STAY AWAY FROM: Vinyl, PVC, Jelly or other various spellings, Rubber, Cyberskin, UR3, Futorotic, Fanta Flesh, Neoskin, FauxFlesh, Silica Gel, TPE, TPR, Elastomer, TPR-silicone, SEBS, and Silicone blends.
OPT FOR: ABS Plastic, Wood, Ceramic, Glass, 100% Silicone, Stone, or Medical grade stainless steel, Fleshlight toys are also okay.
3. CLEANING AND CARE
There are many different ways to clean your toys, and it’s important to know which ways are best for your collection – it will not only keep your private parts safe but also extend the life of your toys.
Don’t want mold or mildew in your toys? Read this:
Some other important things to remember:
If your toy smells like chemicals (or just really smells), if it’s bleeding/weeping/melting, or has fused with another toy … THROW IT OUT.
Also, if you are absolutely determined to use something from the “Stay Away From” list, at least put a condom on it. And, for the love of god, don’t share them with any partners. Personally, I’m not convinced a layer of latex will save you from the nightmares that can be found in many toys, but at least it’s better than nothing.
It’s also a good idea to educate yourself on which lubes can and cannot go with which condom/toy material.
Learn more about lubes here.
1. INTIMATE ROSE KEGEL WEIGHTS
I love these because they’re an entire set – from light to heavy. There will be something in there for everyone (I prefer the lighter side – I have a long way to go before my PFM are Man-of-Steel strong). The silicone was soft enough, and I like the little tail at the end which makes it much easier to get things out.
I also like how the packaging emphasizes what they are really for, rather than just the product stuck in a box, with the customer wondering what the hell to do.
A more affordable option would be Nurse Hatty Premium Exercise Weight System. It’s around $30 on sale. The smallest one looks like a super cute sperm.
Find them here.
2. LUSH BY LOVENSE
Many “wearable” love eggs aren’t designed with a woman’s body in mind – and therefore don’t stay inside. Lush’s very thin neck and g-spot bulb fix this problem. I found it quite comfortable to wear, and the silicone is smooth but with a tiny amount of drag to make it less slippery.
The best part about Lush is the APP – the Bluetooth connection or Long Distance control make it great for public play or long-distance relationships that want to play while there are countries between them. The updated antenna could be a pro or a con depending on the person – the extension and flexibility make it easier to form under your panties as well as giving it a longer Bluetooth range.
The button has also been changed to the end of the antenna rather than the toy bulb, which is convenient to turn on and off, but if you’re wearing it under thin panties or dress (and it’s dark), it might show through.
Find LUSH here.
3. LUNA BEADS BY LELO
If you’re wanting a more trusted name (more than something you find off Amazon), Luna beads are worth looking at. Not as much variety in size as other sets and they go for around $60.
The nylon string is nothing to freak out over and quite safe. It’s also not glued, but apparently uses a special kind of welding to hold things together. I’m happy with my own 5-set, so I didn’t actually try these. However, there are many other sex toy reviewers that have and most seem to love them.
Find Luna here.
4. HITACHI MAGIC WAND
Although this “back massager” does a great job at targeting the knots between my shoulders, that’s not what I bought it for. I swear to god it makes my eyes roll into the back of my head and scream like I’m reenacting a scene from the exorcist.
Who should NOT buy it?
People with sensitive clits, beginners, or those who need the power supply only a power cord can offer. I mean, serious-sensory-overload-warning. There are two settings – #1. Strong and #2. A 9.5 earthquake between your loins.
However, you CAN put a blanket or towel between you and the toy until you are used to it. If the cord thing bothers you, there is a cordless option but I can’t speak to their strength.
Find the Hitachi here.
5. LELO SMART WAND
For me (with the exception of the Luna beads) I’m not impressed with 99% of LELO products and for one very important reason – the price tag vs. the product. The waterproofness, patterns, and other features can all be found in other toys with a much lower cost. The Lelo wand is really just a medium-grade toy sold at a luxury toy price that sent me back to my reliable Hitachi.
Compared to Doxy or Lovense Domi, it doesn’t come close to holding a candle to the vibrations. The patterns were a bitch to cycle through. Not to mention a huge amount of vibrations sporadically seeping through to the handle and leaving my hand numb.
6. DUA BY JE JOUE
I was so excited when I saw this. I was like Fry’s Futurama Meme “Take My Money”. However, after taking it home and giving it a try, it promptly changed to “Give me my F’in money back”.
The motor is “meh” and nowhere near as strong as they advertise. The bulb is BIG and hard to get in – not to mention things slip out when you walk (despite kegel clenches and duck walks). The remote pen died after 10 minutes then only sputtered back to life for a few seconds at a time. The big dump of crap on top of my ice cream was when they refused to do anything because, while it’s a “1-year” warranty for the toy, the pen remote is BATTERY operated and therefore only covered under a 2-week return policy.
F-this-company and the horse they rode in on.
7. SYBIAN SADDLE
Sybian’s are to sex machines as Hitachi is to magic wands. Famous, full of accessories, and good quality. They also come with a 5-year warranty and medical-grade silicone attachments. The downside? They’re noisy as feck. Also, if you’re not used to straddling and being up-right during masturbation, it might feel weird at the start.
Sadly, any well-written, well-argued, or well-begged arguments won’t sway my boss to foot the bill to test this one. If the $1000+ price tag also scares the crap out of you, there are several alternatives.
- You can rent one. There is a strict emphasis on hygiene, with the toy attachment never being used more than once (you keep the dildo part after you’re done) and the rest of the toy cleaned like it was a piece of hospital equipment.
- Look for other options. There are PLENTY out there. Drill-like toys for rotations, thrusting ones for under $100, and everything from hand-helds to stationary platforms, to portable play-things.
- Rig one yourself. The materials for the Sybian are around $500, and they are going high-end on everything. If you’re handy enough (or know someone capable, who wouldn’t blush at the challenge) they can be constructed.
Find a Sybian here.
8. STRAP ON HARNASSES
My first experience using a strap-on was, at minimum, an awkward experience. However, the silver lining was the mountains of learning I did just by using it.
I found out I DID NOT like harnesses with elastic straps. Not. At. All. They are cheaper, yes. But they don’t stay in place as well when you’re actually thrusting. Imagine trying to pull out but the toy staying in the person’s backside while the elastic bands stretch and threaten to snap back on you. I ended up having to use my hand to hold the dildo in place.
Leather, Rubber, or Nylon straps work much better. Leather and buckle straps are more time-consuming to get on but stay in place like there’s no tomorrow. Rubber also holds to your body and doesn’t let things move to places they shouldn’t. Nylon often has handy pull straps to form to your body. They also are easy to clean.
I would also advise that if you’re going to be doing some serious thrusting, that you get something that fixes around the legs AND the hips rather than a fancy pair of undies with an O ring. I mean, the undies are OKAY but the other styles feel far more sturdy.
I would recommend these:
I would NOT recommend these:
- American Whopper 6.5″ Dong Harness
- Pipedream Products Fetish Fantasy
- The Accommodator Face Strap-on Dildo
9. THE WOMANIZER
It’s like a sparkly little vacuum cleaner for your clit … for two hundred bucks.
I won’t lie, it really is an innovative toy with little else available that can compare, but this is another one that feels just too steep.
The sucking and vibrating actions were quite nice, but the connection to my clit didn’t hold that well, especially if I moved around (which is hard, because sometimes my hips have a mind of their own when they’re happy). If you pull it out a little, it re-adjusts, but it feels like a lot of finicky alterations just to have an orgasm. It might work for you, but it didn’t deliver for me.
Find The Womanizer here.
10. OSCI BY LOVENSE
This isn’t a traditional g-spot vibrator – whether in design or sensation. First, it doesn’t vibrate. It oscillates (which means the mechanism drives the g-spot bump to go up-down/in-out and, therefore, pinpointing the g-spot better.
The extreme S-curve also makes it much easier to hold onto and rock back and forth. The toy is programmable through the APP, so if you want to change the toy oscillation strengths, you can choose any of the factory presets (I believe it’s 20 levels) as well as unlimited, customized patterns.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to test this one right from the prototype stage and it can be a pretty intense feeling. Better for those who need targeted g-spot stimulation, are open to new “vibration” sensations and are looking for something different to add to their toy chest.
Find OSCI here.
11. CUPID’S SMOOTHIE LOVE EGG
Not every price tag has to be in the triple digits if you’re looking for something decent. I like Cupid’s Smoothie because it’s a no-muss, no-fuss toy. One button, one setting, and one speed. It’s very powerful … surprisingly so.
I love taking this one with me when I travel. However, the intense vibrator makes this little guy really loud. Also, they say it’s G-spot targeting …. ahhhhh, not really. It’s a pleasant vibrator to be sure, but don’t expect to be squirting geysers. I end up using it more for clit stimulation.
Find a Smoothie here.
12. LOVEHONEY 7 INCH CURVED DILDO
This one was a bit hit and miss for me. The girth was good and I like the hole in the bottom that leaves room to put in a bullet vibrator if you have one that fits. The curve was enough to hit my G-spot while lying on my back, but other positions were a bit more uncomfortable.
I like that is has a flared base, so you can use it in a strap-on if you want. What I didn’t like was the suction cup aspect – it really isn’t that good at all. The Lovehoney video girl who “showed it off” stuck it to the table and barely tapped it. The rest of us are doing way more than gently tapping our toys. I wouldn’t recommend this for the base, but I would for everything else.
Find the 7-inch here.
13. KANDI KISSES
Waterproof, a USB charger, and a 1-year warranty aren’t a bad start. What I love about this one is that it hits most of the check-marks you would expect from a mini vibrator.
First, if you love discreet, this is for you. You can keep it in your purse and no one is the wiser …
… unless your friend asks you to borrow lipstick, and you say “sure” without thinking.
Besides THAT lovely little memory, I’m quite happy. I liked the patterns, and the speeds (highest for me) were enough to give a power-queen like myself a decent quickie. What you need to remember, is that this is NOT meant for huge bursts of power. It’s a drive-thr fast-food meal for your clit.
Find Kisses here.
14. LOVE BULLET BY AUQITEK
A more affordable option is this little guy. It comes with a decent array of settings (8 vibration modes) and is USB rechargeable.
I love the design. I like to interchange this with my Kandi so I don’t wear one out too fast.
The sound was also okay, not super-duper quiet that you could have a quickie in a public bathroom, but acceptable.
Find it here.
15. VESPER BY CRAVE
I may not be a fan of their pricing. But, damn it, I AM a fan of their design. The WINK was gorgeous, but then I saw the VESPER. Holy shit, it’s a vibrator pendant.
This thing is so beautiful you can wear it around your neck and (unless you’re spotted by a sex toy aficionado) no one will have any idea.
Now, that being said, it’s not a tiny thing. Dressing to match will be important, and it’s not waterproof (just resistant), but it l looks interesting enough.
It even has a USB charger.
Find Vesper here.
16. TENGA VI-BO COCK RING
Even though the man wears it, and he gets some lovely vibes, this one is mostly for clit stimulation – after all, many women can’t reach orgasm with only intercourse.
After trying it, I had mixed feelings.
The vibrations were great, and it’s easy to clean, but the main position this usually works for (missionary) was a little uncomfortable. The bulb is a little big and digs in when my partner is fused on top of me. I wish it was a tad smaller, but then there would be a decrease in the vibration strength and the already short battery life. I’m “meh” about it, but others might love it.
Find Vi-bo here.
17. AIDIER FINGER VIBE VS AUQITEK FINGER BULLET
Although I like both of these, after comparing them, the Auqitek won out. Both might be silicone and waterproof.
They are roughly around the same intensity, but the Bullet is RECHARAGBLE – which is something impressive for a tiny finger toy.
It also has more pattern/speed options than Aidier’s version.
The Finger Vibe, however, has a much better finger ring. Things don’t slip around as much (especially when there’s a lot of lube involved).
18. I RUB MY DUCKIE
If you haven’t seen Duckies around, let me welcome you out from under the sex-toy rock. People will usually have one of two reactions when they see these. #1 “Awwwww!” or #2 “WTF?!”
This quacker took the toy world by storm and is everywhere now. It’s waterproof (of course since it’s a bath toy). It takes batteries (who would want an electrical cord in the shower?). And it’s discreet (unless I see one in your room, then I’ll point and yell “AH HA!”)
Like some other “wellness devices” it’s marketed as a personal massager – but we all know which particular part of the body this satisfies. Even though it’s not a powerhouse, it does what they intended it for (aid in foreplay). The tail and the head hold more of the vibes, but the beak is better for pin-point stimulation. It’s just a FUN toy.
Find a Duckie here.
19. AMBI BY LOVENSE
Ambi is a bullet vibrator that doesn’t look like a bullet. The unique curves serve three functions – the broad side to stimulate the entire vulva, the head to target the clit, and the tiny tip to fit under the clitoral hood for “super-pinpoint” stimulation.
I’ve never tried to put anything under my clitoral hood … but the toy is strong, convenient, and can be APP controlled as well as programmable.
It doesn’t work with certain positions, like missionary, but it’s fantastic for solo play. As far as bullets go, it’s not for the faint of wallet – a hundred bucks when not on sale. It’s best saved for a gift or if you have a bit of extra scratch to spend. They also have package deals which give a bit of a discount.
Find AMBI here.
20. BAD DRAGON PRODUCTS
NOT a site for the faint of heart or easily squirmish. Their dildo designs are something most toys don’t go near – dragons, griffins, demons, werewolves etc. and you can order them REALLY big.
Reviews, on a whole, seem to be very mixed, with equally great and terrible shopping experiences.
EDIT: Rumor has it, things seem to have been sliding downhill quality-wise, not to mention policies, attitudes, and practices. As long as the toys themselves continue to be made from body-safe silicone, whether you buy/not buy them for moral or customer services reasons is up to you.
Check it out here.
21. NJOY PRODUCTS
I’ve already reviewed this for the G-spot collection, but I just HAD to include it here as well. I’m a huge fan of NJoy for several reasons. The materials are as safe and easy to clean as you will ever find. Plus, if you go to Walgreens’ website (or find one on sale somewhere) the price isn’t as daunting. I got mine for around $70.
It’s a surprisingly HEAVY toy, but you can use that to your advantage – the rocking motions are easier with a toy that has weight to it. The nub for the G-spot is perfect. It’s a toy I will always recommend.
Find an NJoy here.
If you’ve managed to make your way through my scathing/praising remarks, there’s just one final piece of advice I’ll pass on…
It all comes down to your body. Some toys will work on some people, while they might make others cringe and toss them in the nearest incinerator. Explore and test, but most of all, have fun!
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Are there any other female sex toys you want to recommend? Give a shout-out in the comments!