I had taken breaks from sex before – but it was always because I was either recently broken-up, ill, or had such high stress levels that my libido tucked-tail and ran for the hills.
Because sex is such an important part of my life, I used to think it was “off” if I wasn’t having it at some consistent occurrence. That is until I flipped a middle finger at the entire situation and decided to cut out sex for “however long I wanted” (and to not care about it).
Yes, I would continue to chat on app and maybe go on the occasional date, but I was going to take sex right off the table.
Now, I wasn’t going celibate. I still had “happy alone time” when it was needed. But connecting that way with another person was causing more stress than it was “dumping happy chemicals into my system to combat general stress.”
Whether you’re single or partnered, or just have a string of fuck-buddies, I would suggest this for anyone for several reasons…
TAKE OFF THE PRESSURE
This was the first huge benefit. If it sex isn’t on the table, then the pressure to have it (or the guilt or worrying that something is wrong) instantly goes away (well … hopefully it’s instant).
It’s not just freeing up time that you would be spending between the sheets, but it’s also extra moments that would have gone toward date-hygiene, hair, makeup, meeting, deciding, dating, or whatever else comes with hanky-panky time.
This is one of the great ways to take care of yourself in something other than a sexual way. This extra time can go towards meditation, long baths, more walks, eating better, or what have you.
Practicing healthy boundaries is essential for life in general. If you’re with a partner/f-buddy/date, it gives you a chance to set those temporary walls in constructive ways. Side note – if someone calls you “selfish” for doing this (which has happened to me), then ditch that person ASAP.
WEED OUT PEOPLE
This brings us to one aspect I saw in startling clarity. It shows who is patient and understanding and who isn’t – who is there just for romps and who is there to connect on a deeper level. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with app hookups! Nothing at all. But you’d be surprised how efficient a filter it can be.
It’s not just saying, “I don’t want to have sex with you for a while” – because that’s not constructive (to you or the other person). If the partner is important to you, it gives you the opportunity to improve your communication skills. And don’t forget, you can still be sensual without getting sexual!
A natural by-product of communication (if done right) will be a lovely reconnection with your significant other(s). You find new ways to be intimate, or even just in the same room as someone. You also reconnect with yourself. Why? Because…
It would be wise to spend some of your hiatus doing some healthy soul searching. Is sex still a priority? Does something need to change temporarily or permanently?
For example, because of my job, lifestyle, and circle of friends, there was this concept that I was a highly active person in the world of hot-sheet-action. However, because of holding down more than one job, saving for a house, acclimating to a new country, starting up a side venture for even extra income, and a couple nuclear-disastrous relationships, my escapades were not as much as people would have imagined.
There was this ridiculous stress that I had to hold up my sexual persona – which was bullshit.
Imagine running on a sore leg for weeks, but then taking a nice long rest to heal it. Granted, it’s not the best comparison, but it still gets the job done. Your sex-break actually helps boost your libido (a lot of it coming from taking away the stress around the issue). We’re so used to putting Band-Aids on wounds. But what about the injuries or fatigue on things we can’t see?
And finally, when you are ready to jump back in, the next session will usually feel like a breath of fresh air. You’re reborn again and have a new appreciation for all the sensations.
So, if you find yourself running out of steam, it’s 100% OKAY to take a break from sex.
Anything else you want to add? Share in the comments!