BDSM Kits for Beginners – 10 Good Starter Toys & 5 Toys to Avoid

​​​​​Purple and black BDSM kit

 

I decided to write this article because I was SICK of seeing the crap that passes for “beginner or starter BDSM kits” and similar packages.

 

Yeah, I love the idea of giving curious couples all all-inclusive set so they don’t have to stress out with their first kink purchase, but nearly all of these sets have at least one or two items that shouldn’t come anywhere close to newbies.

 

Let’s look at what’s safe to try and what should be avoided…

 

 

10 THINGS THAT SHOULD BE IN A KIT


 

1. A COMFORTABLE BLINDFOLD

 

Woman in blindfoldMost of the blindfolds I see in the starter sets are junk. Sure, the fake satin/whatever material they use looks shiny and sexy, but they’re nothing more than the cheap things you get on the long international flights (the ones that bother the bridge of the nose if you wear them for more than 5 minutes).

 

Instead, aim for blindfolds that have a higher cut in the front to allow a more comfortable fit around the bridge of your nose. They also block out light better. As for the material, the ones with the furry insides are the best.

 

 

2. A FEATHER TICKLER

 

Black feather ticklerFeathers are a great way to play with sensations while your partner is tied up and blindfolded. They build up tension/foreplay as well as add a bit of (consensual) tickle torture.

 

However, never get the ones that are part of a paddle (with one end being the feather and the other being the paddle). Why?

 

Impact play requires control and accuracy (even if you’re going light) – and the handles on most of the “duel sets” are thin and difficult to grip (and probably easy to break). Instead, get them separately.

 

 

3. A SET OF SAFE WRIST RESTRAINTS

 

Velcro bdsm wrist restraintsIf you’re going to remember one thing from this article, let it be this…

 

Velcro > Buckles (at least for those starting out).

 

Yes, the buckles look uber-bondage and badass, but they’re terrible if you need to escape them fast. If something unforeseen happens, and you or your partner start to panic, a simple buckle can become a mind-boggling puzzle. Velcro is a simple “riiiiiiiip” and you’re out.

 

Also, make sure that any of these restraints have a secondary “clip” attachment – they’re good for position variety but they’re also quick and simple.

 

 

4. AN “EASY-ESCAPE” BONDAGE BED SET

 

Bondage bed setBondage bed sets are fantastic – they hide under your mattress, are easy to take apart and travel with, easy to clean, and allow for full control over the arms AND legs.

 

“Easy-escape” just means Velcro, not buckles. The best part, you can set it up and just leave them there for whenever the mood strikes you.

 

 

5. A PADDED COLLAR WITH LEASH

 

BDSM leash and velcro collarYou’ll find a ton of collars out there. Many of them beautiful. However, newbies want to aim for (again) Velcro as well as some form of padding or at least faux fur lined (the cheap leather ones have sharp or rough edges and aren’t comfortable at all).

 

Also, the collar should NOT be tight.

 

Leashes don’t require anything special – just make sure you don’t tug hard on the leash.

 

 

6. MOOD LIGHTING CANDLES

 

Tealight candlesI recommend them only for mood lighting. Soft light is sexy and alluring. Buy a pack of tea lights and dot some around the room. I also like them better than pillar or other tall candles because they are less messy and don’t waste any wax.

 

 

7. A LOW IMPACT FLOGGER

 

fur floggersFur (real or fake is up to you), cotton strips (not woven into rope), or silk – these materials constitute a “low impact” flogger. This means it won’t hurt as much and is more forgiving if you miss and strike a sensitive area.

 

But remember, if you’ve never used one before, they’re better to run along the skin like you would a feather. If you really want to try “hitting”, make sure you use a VERY light hand.

 

And … read this first…

 

Learn which body parts are safe for impact play…

Erotic Spanking - How to Properly Paddle That Posterior

 

 

8. BEGINNER NIPPLE CLAMPS

 

Alligator clamp nipple clampsI don’t see many nipple clamps in sets – which is a shame because they can be quite fun. 

 

If you decide to get a pair, make sure they’re alligator/crocodile clamps. They’re easy to adjust and can be as light or as tight as you’re comfortable with.

 

 

9. A SILICONE BALL GAG

 

Black silicone ball gagSilicone or even ABS plastic are good choices for a ball gag – they’re easy to clean and can be sterilized.

 

I recommend against anything with (real or fake) leather straps because they’re harder to take care of. The same goes for nylon.

 

If you’re not sure what size ball gag to get, start with a small one – it’s better to have it on the small side than too big and stretch your jaw too much. Also, make sure they have holes in them (easier for the sub to breathe).

 

 

10. A FUN SEX TOY

 

Ambi by Lovense, App-controlled bullet vibratorIf you’re not sure what toy to get, start with a simple bullet vibrator. They’re more affordable, discreet, and fun for teasing. I’m sad to see that not many sets have one.

 

But, if you already know you like sex toys, try a Magic Wand (they’re REALLY strong) and are next-level pleasure/torture devices. As a side note though, you'll never find these in a kit because they're usually too expensive and would jack up the total price. Still, they're worth looking at. 

 

 

5 THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE IN A KIT


 

Collection of BDSM kit toy, what's good and what's unsafe

 

1. ROPE

 

I see these in nearly every set. And every time I want to take the rope and use it to strangle whoever thought it was a good idea.

 

Rope is for ADVANCED players – people who’ve attended classes, worked with a master, studied bondage anatomy, understand different rope textures, learned which points are dangerous to leave a knot or apply pressure, and tried things on their own body.

 

It’s not for those just starting out.

 

 

2. CANDLES FOR WAX PLAY

 

I’ve seen candles added for wax play (dripping melting wax on someone’s skin). The seller/box details actually encourage this!

 

NO! BAD!

 

Wax play is advanced play and requires research and practice. Using the wrong kind of wax and dripping it incorrectly can result in burns.

 

 

3. MED TO HIGH IMPACT FLOGGERS

 

You’ll always find a flogger in most sets. And most of these floggers are terrible models. They’re usually suede or fake leather, even rubber – and the problem with these is that they are considered medium to high impact floggers. Meaning, they could hurt more, or you could do more damage if you’re not careful.

 

You might hear those argue that “a gentle touch is okay” – my counter-argument is that inexperienced players don’t know how to control a flogger to hit the right points or how to deliver a strike that will “thud” vs “sting”, even if it’s soft.

 

Stay away from these until you’ve acquired enough XP.

 

 

4. HANDCUFFS

 

First, they’re really uncomfortable (even if they’re fuzzy). Second, they’re easy for the “bottom” to escape if they’re being cheeky. Third, they can click down too tight.

 

They funny and great gag gifts – but not something to take into the bedroom until you’re ready to buy a set of proper cuffs.

 

 

5. LUBE

 

This might sound weird, but if a set includes some sex lube, I would throw it in the garbage.  There’s a lot of crap lube on the market – with crappy ingredients and bad formulas. It’s better just to buy your own and make sure it’s a safe brand.

 

Want to know which lube is safe? Read this…

The Best Lubes - A Comprehensive Guide on the Slick Stuff

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

 

So, for those of you who are interested in getting into BDSM for beginners, you now have plenty of SAFE toys to choose from.

 

Also, if you want MORE beginner-friendly articles, check out these…

 

 

Or you can peruse the KINK CLOSET for all the BDSM articles.

 

Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!

 

 

 

 

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