Beginner BDSM Contracts – Learn About Kink Communication

Close up of pen over a paper with the word Contract

 

 

If you're looking to get into some serious Master/slave play or relationships, you'll probably have to deal with a BDSM "contract".

 

 

WHAT ARE BDSM CONTRACTS?


 

It’s a document/agreement within any kind of power exchange or BDSM play.

 

More importantly, it’s a useful way to open up the lines of communication and negotiate the terms of play. They can be simple as a handwritten page all the way to a 10-page document complete with legal jargon. 

 

 

WHY HAVE THEM?


 

  1. They are meant to establish clear rules, boundaries, limits, punishments etc.

 

  1. They define goals in the relationship

 

  1. They guide your relationship (whether short or long term)

 

  1. They create moral authority

 

  1. Extend the role play aspect

 

 

ARE BDSM CONTRACTS LEGAL?


 

Despite what the short Buzzfeed video will suggestion, they are NOT. 

 

“Consensual slavery” isn’t a legally binding thing. You can’t take your slave to court because they didn’t suck your dick on a Wednesday or they want to permanently stop things (but you want them to stay).

 

 

HOW DO I MAKE ONE?


 

BDSM contracts, pen over a check box and the words I agreeIt really depends on how formal and in-depth your relationship is.

 

It can be one or two sentences on a bar napkin, a verbal agreement over coffee, or a 20-page document stamped by a notary and then signed in blood in front of a witness as a collaring ceremony.

 

Is it just a “light” contract because you’re trying to spice up your marriage? Or a dom/sub, master/slave, online, pet, scene only, or 24/7 lifestyle agreement?

 

And, by the way…

 

The more formal contracts don’t make the BDSM relationship more valid.

 

SOME THINGS TO INCLUDE:

 

  • Play term (how long - days/weeks/years)
  • Safe words, soft limits, hard limits, must limits 
  • Rights, responsibilities, and expectations of both parties
  • Exceptions or special circumstances
  • Punishments and rewards
  • Roles of Master and slave
  • External participants (if any)
  • Areas of control 
  • Language and phrasing
  • Terms of termination
  • Collaring (if applicable)
  • Promises of discretion

 

Need some punishment ideas to add to your contract?

Submissive Discipline - 45 BDSM Punishment Ideas

 

 

EXAMPLE CONTRACT (EXCEPT)


 

Woman's wrists and ankles bound by leather restraints, leather floggerHere’s a sample I found off of Evilmonk.com. It's more on the "formal" side, but it's worth looking through and finding inspiration.

 

IMPORTANT NOTE: I cut out a lot of extra stuff just to keep the general idea intact, but not bore you to death. 

 

 


 

Click here if you want to skip this section.

 

SAMPLE CONTRACT

 

1.0.0 Slave's Role

 

The slave agrees to submit completely to the master in all ways.  The slave also agrees that, once entered, into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their master, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. 

 

1.0.1 Slave's Veto

 

The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the master, at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both master and slave:

 

1. Where a command conflicts with any existing laws 

2. Where a command may cause extreme damage to slave's life

3. Where a command may cause permanent bodily harm to the slave

4. Where a command may cause psychological trauma 

 

2.0.0 Master's Role

 

The master agrees to care for the slave, to arrange for the safety and well-being of the slave, as long as they own the slave. The master also accepts the commitment to treat the slave properly, to train the slave, punish the slave, love the slave, and use the slave as they see fit.

 

3.0.0 Punishment

 

The slave agrees to accept any punishment the master decides to inflict.

 

3.0.1 Rules of Punishment

 

Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:


1. Blood may not be drawn at any time. 
2. Burning the body
3. Drastic loss of circulation
4. Causing internal bleeding
5. Loss of consciousness
6. Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food or water

 

4.0.0 Permanent Bodily Harm

 

Since the body of the slave now belongs to the master, it is the master's responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm.

 

Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery-related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:

 

1.  Death <------ (we'll look at THIS later)

2.  Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function

3.  Any permanent marks on the skin

4.  Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave

5.  Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole

6  Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including STDs

 

5.0.0 Others

 

The slave may not seek any other master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the master's permission. 

 

6.0.0 Secrecy

 

All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both master and slave agree. 

 

7.0.0 Alteration of Contract

 

This contract may not be altered, except when both master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.

 

8.0.0 Termination of Contract

 

This contract may be terminated at any time. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed.

 


 

Hand holding pen signing a contractDid you see the part that mentioned DEATH?

 

That doesn’t actually mean there’s a risk of dying. It’s all just an elaborate, theatrical way of promising, I won’t let anything bad happen to you while you’re with me.”

 

And, as I said before, a lot of other stuff is missing - and is far from "complete" if you wanted to have a very thorough document.

 

Mine has an extra attachment that lists...

 

  • every kink practice imaginable 
  • what scale the submissive is willing to participate in each of them
  • what scale I'm willing to participate in them as well

 

 

GOOD SURPRISES VS. BAD ONES


 

It’s fine for surprise sex or spankings etc. But no one wants to be taken off guard with an unreasonable punishment or something they can’t cope with (or worse, something traumatic).

 

We don’t want conflicting behaviors and confusing situations - which is another important reason to have a contract.

 

 

RED FLAGS AND WARNINGS


 

Granted, it’s all about perspective (AND mutual consent), but I’ve seen some things in contracts that gave me pause.

 

Stick man holding up a red flagOne example being:

 

“My master has my health in mind. Therefore I cannot consume more than 1500 calories per day and must exercise 3 times a week and 2 hours per time.”

 

Unless the “Master” in the relationship is a doctor (and the slave has weight issues), no one should be restricting someone to a diet like that – especially while being active with exercise.

 

I can understand something healthier like 1800-2000 (which is normal for most women), or having to stick to only healthy foods...

 

But ...

 

When I see something so irresponsible, the rest of the contract loses its validity.

 

It also doesn’t paint the picture of “I’m a caring master”. It screams, “I want to starve you so I can fuck something skinny and have something pretty to take out and show off.”

 

No.

 

Just no.

 

Any dietary restrictions should be SANE (and consulted with a doctor before putting into practice).

 

Period.

 

Always remember, the contract is just a piece of paper. It comes down to both parties respecting the sane promises they’ve made. If you ever sign one, you’re free to leave the relationship if you want.

 

 

WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT?


 

The cornerstone of BDSM practices - SSSC (Safe, Sane, Sober, Consensual) must be in play at all times.

 

Then there is TRUST … and following through with what you’ve promised.

 

Otherwise, the contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

 

One final note, I do not recommend copying and pasting any contract then using it for your BDSM adventures. Instead, let it be a starting point to craft something more tailored to you and your partner.

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

Any other BDSM contract suggestions you want to add? Share in the comments!

 

Also, if you want more BDSM-themed articles, check these out:

 

 

Have a kinky day!

Robyn

 

TagsBDSM contract

Comments (4)

  1. Ieuan Alarch says:

    Robyn, just wondering whether placing the contract in a mutual place might work better than giving a copy to both parties. This could be used as a means of allow the contract to be accessible without the risk of it falling into the public domain - what do you think?

    1. Robyn to Ieuan Alarch says:

      This also works too. It entirely depends on what both parties are comfortable with.

  2. John says:

    Thank you Robyn. My sub and I are currently editing our contract distantly via Google Drive. Thank you for helping us find a base to start from.

  3. shelly says:

    nice read

  4. Joanna says:

    Hi,your blog helps me a lot. Im too young to be out of my moms house yet and I cant ask a Dom I dont have. I was kind of worried about the contract because I dont want my kinks to be outed to anyone. Humiliation and degrading are not my thing at all. I just wanted to say thank you ❤️

    1. Robyn to Joanna says:

      No problem. Also, remember it's not only consent that is important, but age of consent. If you're too young, it's best to just research for now and wait until you're over 18.

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