How to Find an Online Girlfriend or Boyfriend - Some Hard Truths

Close up of someone wearing bluepants and hands typing on a laptop

 

 

It's no secret why people find themselves here.

 

It all boils down to one simple fact: Most people want to feel connected, wanted, and/or loved.

 

However, finding a partner isn’t always easy. It can be a long and frustrating journey – one that is often damaging to our confidence and sense of hope.

 

Let’s dive into it and, maybe, you’ll find some useful information.

 

NOTE: this isn’t a short, quick fix article. There’s no such thing. So, fair warning.

 

Here’s what we are going to look at today:

 

  • Finding a real-life partner online
  • Dating solely online
  • Finding a kinky online partner
  • Finding kinkster for a RL meeting
  • The hard, painful truth about online dating
  • Tips that will increase success

 

 

1. FINDING A REAL-LIFE PARTNER ONLINE


 

 The usual go-to is some kind of dating app.

 

Now, before you sigh and say, “I’ve already done that!” keep reading…

 

There are dozens of options out there – some free, many paid, some with large databases, others with their own, unique twist.

 

IMPORTANT: Many of the paid ones only offer what’s called a “non-service.” Basically, you have to pay to get the really good info, personal contact details, or access to useful features, but that’s about it – no actual services. Kind of like holding the good stuff hostage.

 

The first mistake is joining them all blindly and praying someone will swipe the right direction or hit like. Throwing a giant, generic fish net over all available apps doesn’t show the want for a serious partner or friend - not to mention being very time-demanding.

 

First...

 

Look at each app and how the information is delivered and people react to one another. What’s the purpose? Is it just for singles looking for friends or singles looking for serious romance? Is the base free but premium services paid? 

 

Smartphone screen with collection of dating and hook up apps like Ok Cupid, Grinder, and TinderThen, choose a handful you feel comfortable with and make a profile that says a lot about you and exactly what you’re looking for. (Keep reading to find out how to make your profile stand out).  

 

Focus on these.

 

It's going to take a lot of energy anyway, so don't bother joining many. Start sifting through to find some suitable matches, then contact and converse - being prepared for rejections, people that just want to be friends, weirdos, and psychos along the way, but remaining polite, respectful, and hopeful.

 

DATERS CAN TRY: 

 

Match.com, Tinder, Plenty of Fish (POF), Happn, Bumble, OKCupid, Zoosk, Elite Singles, Men Nation, JustBeWild, Luxy, Sapio, WooPlus, HitWe, SpeedDateMate, LuvFree, MySingleFriend, JDate, ChristianConnection, the list … goes … on. There are non-dating app options, but we'll look at the later.

 

 

2. DATING SOLEY ONLINE


 

There are so many reasons why some people only have online relationships and never actually meet in the real world…

 

  • They meet online but live far apart and can only be in a long-distance relationship for an extended period of time.

 

  • They haven’t bad experiences in the past or are nervous and not ready for a physical relationship yet, they need a while in the shallow end of the pool.

 

  • They don’t need a physical relationship and are happy with mental and emotional stimulation.

 

Graphic design of a heart with a man and woman inside and a the text, Beware of online dating scamsWhile there are many legitimate and understandable reasons for not wanting or being able to meet in person and continue on a physically present level, there are the inevitable, dung-filled potholes that come with this type of online dating.

 

 

There are those who don’t want to meet because they are just cheating on a partner or scams that target lonely individuals in order to gain trust and eventually take money from them.

 

No matter the case, you’ll have to be careful.

 

Don’t give someone money or delicate/important personal information under any circumstances, no matter how much of a sob story they have. I mean, okay, after YEARS of talking to someone, maybe, but I would still be wary and it would still be like 50 bucks max ... once.

 

  • You’ll be using probably the same apps as other online daters, just make sure you state in your profile that you’re not ready for meetups yet.

 

 

3. FINDING A KINKY ONLINE PARTNER


 

If you want a partner to share genital photos with and have copious amounts of dirty talk, you’re in luck! There’s an app for that (several actually).

 

So, if you love your dick pics, go to THESE places, please.

 

Want more sexual based apps? Check out this list:

25 Hook Up Apps to Help Cut Through the Sexual Red Tape

 

However...

 

While you’ll be surrounded by like-minded people who don’t mind rushing into sexy time faster than others, these apps are more of a breeding ground for the bad kind of pervert – and they always ruin it for the fun, happy-go-lucky perverts that are a joy to play with.

 

You’ll need to be extra careful and more observant. Not to mention protecting your privacy to the extreme – this could include not giving anything that can show your face (if you’re worried about those kinds of images getting out or landing on a porn page somewhere).

 

KINKSTERS CAN TRY:

 

  • Fetlife – online community for kinksters and all fetishes
  • Literotica Personals – for dirty pen pals
  • Craig’s List – it has everything you’d hope to find, high male to female ratio.
  • Subreddits -  r/dirtyr4r, /r/dirtykikpals, /r/dirtysnapchat, /r/sexytimechat

 

 

 

4. FINDING A KINKSETER FOR A RL MEETING     


 

If you think that sexually liberal people will meet up anytime anywhere to have random sex with people they know zero about, you’re mistaken. True, some men might be more willing to participate in this kind of activity, but women are FAR more hesitant, and for obvious reasons.

 

Anyone willing to place their trust and body in a complete stranger needs a kick in the backside and a check in the head.

 

It’s going to take a lot of online chatting for a considerable length of time to arrange a face-to-face meeting with the lovely lady or man you’re drooling over. It should also be on HER terms where and how you meet.

 

Need inspiration for online play? Try these articles:

17 Naughty Sexting Games You Must Try Now

12 Sexting Tips That Will Drastically Improve Your Game

 

 

THE HARD, PAINFUL TRUTH ABOUT ONLINE DATING


 

Many women are jaded and guarded.

 

They’re looking for serious men to have a meaningful exchange with but only get a lazy "hi", someone who doesn't bother reading personal details, and sudden dick pics or immediate requests to flash their tits. They deal with excessive amounts of hostility when they politely try to say, “no thanks”, sometimes graduating into attacking.

 

They have to deal with the assholes, douche bags, perverts, and downright dangerous that use the anonymity of an online community to abuse the nature of the app for their own, twisted purposes.

 

So, can you really blame them for being apprehensive?

 

Text that says, If you are bitter, that means they got the best of you. If they got the best of you, that means they won. Don't let them win. Just move on.Many men are also jaded and guarded.

 

The ones that are looking for serious women to have a meaningful exchange with end up feeling like crap, because it feels like even the “moderately good-looking ones” are ignored because so many women jump on the prime AAA grade meat with a six pack and highlights in their hair.

 

Then, they find a match with a smoking hot girl, something out of their dreams and their league, only to find it’s a prostitute. And, guess what, there’s a lot of that, and it ends up making them think, "I'm so ugly and undesirable that I can only get a girl to talk to me if I pay her."

 

So, can you blame them for not giving a shit anymore?

 

There's a pull to the dark side.

 

Everyone is tired, ready to give up, and pissed at the entire opposite gender ...

 

And that's when they run the risk of becoming one of "those" members - the ones and are hostile, bitchy, aggressive ... the ones that don't realize they are adding to the cesspool.

 

Don't become this kind of person. 

 

Remember, you're in a MARATHON - one that's going to feel down-right impossible at times.

 

And, as I said before, there are going to be moments that drop-kick your ego and make you feel like shit about yourself. Not everyone has the gift of being able to brush off the negative with no effect on their existence. You're going to have to fight against the urges to lash out and maybe hurt someone the way another has hurt you.

 

Who knows maybe the person you decided to take things out on might have been the right one ... if only you had been nice.

 

 

TIPS THAT WILL INCREASE YOUR SUCCESS


 

1. JOIN THE RIGHT GROUPS

 

I'll say it again - the RIGHT groups.

 

If you want quick, kinky encounters, and positive reactions to your nudes, join a kink group, not a dating site. The same goes for the healthy perverts – don’t be surprised if you go on a dating app and women block you after you ask them to have a mutual masturbation session 15 minutes after meeting. 

 

Yes, there are plenty of people that don't follow this rule, but let's not add to the chaos.

 

 

2. FFS ... READ PEOPLE’S ENTIRE PROFILES!  

 

No ifs, ands, or buts - no exceptions. DO THIS.

 

I can’t tell you how many times my friends have rolled their eyes or ranted about how people just see a nice picture, say hi, and then ask a question that’s already answered in the profile information.

 

It may seem like no big deal to some, but not bothering to read a small paragraph makes the other person come across as desperate, careless, or not serious – all unattractive qualities. I even had one friend include her job at the very end, so she would know who actually bothered reading.

 

Because...

 

if you can’t spare less than 1 minute to read about the other person before you start a conversation, it’s a sign to them that you’re not going to care or put any effort into anything else.

 

In turn, make sure YOUR profile is completely filled out – and says something about you.

 

An example of a poorly made dating profile that shows selfish tendancies

It sounds like a needy shopping list

 

 

3. MAKE SURE YOUR PICTURE AND PROFILE IS APPEALING

 

This part is the most confusing because every site gives their own list of dos and don’ts – with much of it conflicting. Like “pets are ok” or “never show a pet” as well as “never look away from the camera” or “only guys should look away” blah blah blah.

 

It’s down to a few truths that everyone can agree on:

 

  • Have a natural smile – no serious, smoldering looks or stupid duck faces (which tend to come across as vain).

 

  • Look nice – It doesn’t have to be black tie, but wear something you might wear on a casual first date. Also, make sure you’re well groomed.

 

  • Have a great FIRST and LAST pic – it will make or break that first impression and never put a group photo as the first one. It shouldn’t be something professionally taken, rather something that is a nice armature photo.

 

  • Create a story – if you’re stuck with a limited number of images, they should say a lot about you, create an initial glimpse into your life, and give the other person something to talk about right off the bat. Give hints as to your hobbies and interests.

 

  • Get a second opinion – Sometimes we THINK our profile is funny or our images are stellar, but it might not be the case. Get a few friends to look things over and give feedback.

 

  • Be genuine, accurate, and recent – No photoshopping or snapshots from when you were younger or in better shape.

 

  • No mirror selfies or excessive filters – You might think it makes you look hot, but it sends a message of vanity.

 

  • No opposite sex cuddles – Even if it’s a cousin or BFF, don’t have pics with the opposite sex in there - as in you and one more person (groups pics are the exception). It sends the wrong message.

 

  • No to kiddies – Yes, you want to make it clear you have kids, but that’s information for your profile, not a picture – also, with all the pervs out there, I wouldn’t want to put kid pics anywhere on a dating site anyway. Just me.

 

 

4. BE PATIENT WITH RESPONSES             

 

There’s nothing more unattractive than someone who gets pissed or worried because the other person hasn’t answered immediately. Maybe they’re working. Maybe they’re out of cell range. Who knows.

 

 

5. DON’T COME ON TOO STRONG

 

Dating in real life and finding someone online takes patience. Men and women will more likely retreat if they feel any red flags pop up. Take your time. Don’t flood them with messages or questions. And, for the love of god, don’t get sexual. (Unless the app is specifically designed for it).

 

 

6. TRY SOMETHING OTHER THAN A DATING APP

 

There are plenty of alternative options. The best way is to join an online club, group, or forum based on something you enjoy. This way, if you meet someone, you’ll already have a common interest. Then there’s Facebook, LinkedIn, and MeetUp.com – all platforms to meet people.

 

 

7. LEARN TO TAKE REJECTION THE RIGHT WAY  

 

There are a hundred reasons someone will say no. And it’s nothing personal you should start ranting about and wishing every member of their family dies of cancer or the suffer some horrible death. Come on.

 

Person A has their own list of things they look for, and they will accept or reject others based on that essential list. So, why do they think they can be pissed when Person B exercise the same right towards them?

 

A comic called Cyanide and Happiness that is about breaking up

This not the right way...

 

8. BE PATIENT IN GENERAL

 

We talked about how many users are fed up with the entire online dating experience.

 

Remember...

 

It’s not “one apple ruining the barrel.” Not even close. It’s a mother-trucking ocean of bad apples that are cocking things up for the good ones.

 

You’re going to have to wade and search through the cesspool to find that gem of a partner. And we’re not talking weeks – more like months … even years for those that don’t roll a lucky 7 at the start of the game.

 

But guess what?

 

It’s not much different than dating in real-life.

 

 

9. UNDERSTAND THE GAME      

 

Treat it like a job interview. You wouldn’t walk into one with wrinkled clothes, deliver a lazy handshake, and then spout demands on your salary while betraying the truth that you know zero about the company you’re trying to apply to.

 

Finally, when they say, “Sorry, you’re not the right fit for the position, but good luck in the future” you don’t jump on the desk, grab them by the neck and scream how they are a bitch/asshole that should rot in hell.

 

See where I’m going with this?

 

It’s also a game of numbers.

 

You’re going to go through A LOT of people. And, you’re not looking for yes from each one. You just need a yes from the RIGHT one.

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

I hope some of this helped, and I wish all of you beautiful, wonderful peeps the best of luck in your dating adventures. 

 

Also, if you have any other online dating advice you have found works wonders or should definitely avoid, drop a line in the comments section. Or, if you're looking for other interesting reads, check out the Featured Article list (top right menu for PC or scroll down on mobile).

 

Have a lovely day!

Robyn

 

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