If your sex life is not where you want it to be, maybe it’s time to give it a spring cleaning and re-evaluate what you (or your partner) do or think about it. Here are some bad sex habits you should stop immediately.
1. NOT CHANGING POSITIONS
Sticking to missionary, or any single position can get boring really quickly. Even if your body is not adapt to some of the more “acrobatic” ones you see online, there are just as many for people with limited movement or disabilities.
2. SAME TIME AND LOCATION
Speaking of not changing things up, sticking to only the bedroom or only during the evening will contribute towards stagnation. You have other places (and not just in your own home).
Remember, keeping things varied will help keep things fresh AND it shows that you view sex as something important and enjoyable (not just your own maintenance).
3. NOT ASKING WHEN THEY WERE TESTED
In this day and age, with all the info about sexual diseases and infections, I’m still shocked that people A. get offended when someone asks for their lasts tests for sexual history or B. don’t bother asking at all. Your history is a large web, and it affects others.
Keep your tests up to date even if you practice safer sex.
4. REFUSE NEW THINGS
Positions, locations, sex toys, porn, kinks, clothing, acts of foreplay, music, you name it – there’s a vast ocean of amazing and fun experience and products.
For example, anal sex scares the crap out of some people. However, if done correctly it can be very pleasurable – and no, anal sex has nothing to do with your sexual preferences. Remember, it’s okay to be nervous; and when you try something, and if you don’t like it, you can say no and not try it again.
5. NOT COMMUNICATING
Keeping quiet is a BAD idea. People are also afraid that if they say something, their partner will feel like less of a lover, which is pppfffftttt! We learn from our mistakes and improve because of them. So, if they are doing something you don’t like, tell them. Communicate what feels good and GUIDE them to pleasure. Oh, this also goes for telling them what they are doing well.
6. FAKING ORGASM
Along with not communicating, lying is also a no-no. Do not say you have an orgasm when you didn’t. You’ll be giving your partner(s) a false sense of confidence – after that, it’s to tolerate sub-standard sexual encounters or telling them WAY after and dealing with hurt feelings and other emotional fallout.
7. AVOIDING SEX TOYS
There is no reason to feel threatened by sex toys. They can’t cuddle, listen to you, love you, be intimate, make you laugh, or give you any sort of connection. They are tools (amazing ones) but nothing more. So, try adding some during sex and enjoy your partner’s reactions.
Find fun options here
8. IGNORING PAIN
No, there is no “gritting your teeth” and bearing the pain in hopes it will get better. Even in BDSM, new practices should be tested slowly to find proper pain thresholds. Also, pain is telling you there could be a problem somewhere. Listen to your body.
9. HATING YOUR BODY
If the person is in bed with you, they already find you attractive and WANT to be with you. So, don’t waste time, energy, and emotions on worrying that you have tummy rolls or cellulite. Also, negative thoughts will not lend to great sexual experiences. You’re a beautiful goddess/god and screw what others think.
10. BE DISTRACTED
This could be what that last beep on your phone was or what you’re going to do about your next meeting at work. Be IN the moment with your partner.
11. BE A TAKER
It’s not all about your pleasure. Remember to give as much as you take. Also, it’s okay to have times where your fun doesn’t result in an orgasm.
12. NOT INITIATING
Having one personal always initiating sex can (sometimes) make that person feel like the other is not into it or isn’t interested anymore. It’s okay to be shy about it or not know how. Just talk with your partner and find ways you can ask for sex in your own way.
13. ALWAYS BEING SUBSTANCE ASSISTED
Whether power drinks, Viagra, booze, or drugs. Once in a blue moon can be fine, but always needing a boost might indicate a deeper problem. Also, some of these substances make it so you cannot consent properly.
14. IGNORING THE REST OF THE BODY
There’s more than the vagina and penis. Explore the entire body and see what makes the persona shiver. Great sex has buildup. This also includes you using many parts of YOUR body during the exploration.
15. IGNORING HYGIENE
Keeping yourself clean in obviously important, as is avoiding cross-contamination and proper sex toy care. However, this extends to the place you would regularly have sex (yes, I know I said that you should do it in other locations, but you’ll always have a favorite). If it’s your bedroom, try to keep it clean (or as clean as you can within your schedule).
16. BEING TOO CLEAN
There is a line. Example: if your mouth is particularly nasty, then brushing your teeth is a good idea. But don’t let your cleanliness get so carried away that you let normal day breath stop you.
You don’t have to do everything from flossing to vaginal perfume to have a good encounter.
17. VIEWING SEX AS SHAMEFUL OR DIRTY
Sex is pleasurable. Sex is beautiful. Sex is natural. Don’t let dogma, friends and family, or toxic influences tell you otherwise.
18. BEING TOO CRITICAL
It can be hard when you’ve imagined sex a certain way (or a certain way with someone you are attracted to). Learn to go with the flow. Let things happen naturally. There is no checklist or play by play script you MUST follow.
19. THINKING AN ORGASM IS ONLY PENIS + VAGINA
Do not think that the only successful sexual experience is “man pumping penis until the woman comes”. Most women can even come that way. There are several ways to orgasm. Try them all.
20. THINKING THAT A LONG PENIS = PLEASURE
Nope. Actually, most women don’t like really long dicks – because they can hit the back of the vagina and really hurt us. Girth is the beneficial measurement. But even so…some people do like “large” in any way. You have fingers/hands, a mouth, and your words. There are many ways to experience pleasure.
21. EXCLUDING MASTURBATION
This means touching yourself, not the other person. During sex, if things are getting sore or you can’t maintain the pace or position, it’s OK to take a break but keep the “juices flowing” by masturbation. It also gives your partner something sexy to look at.
22. THINKING PORN IS FOR REAL LIFE
It’s not real! It’s just not. That blonde bombshell you adore is probably faking most of her orgasms. She’s not really lusting at you through the camera. Orgasms don’t always look that way. Scenes are broken up into various takes. There’s prep, costumes, good lighting, camera positions and a couple dozen other things that go towards the final product.
E.g. No, you don’t have to turn your hips to one side (that’s just so the camera can see what’s going on). No, thrusting from tip to base is not always pleasurable. Also, women don’t always slap their vags during sex.
23. BE OFFENDED IF THEY DON’T LIKE THE TASTE
Even if you “love going down on a girl and love the taste” doesn’t mean SHE has to love yours. The same goes for the guys. Yes, some won’t like the taste of a lady. It’s nothing personal, so don’t turn grumpy. You can have fun in other ways.
24. GIVING UP BECAUSE IT’S TAKING A WHILE
Some people are easy to please. Some take a while longer. Your hand might be cramping or your jaw might be locked, but don’t let that make you or your partner give up (if you both want to keep going). Toss in a sex toy, change positions, or take a quick break with masturbation.
25. GOING AGAINST YOUR FEELINGS
Pretending you only want to hook up and there are no emotions behind it (when, in truth, you care deeply for them) is asking for disaster. The same goes for repeatedly bedding someone you don’t have a connection with but they think you do. See where I’m going with this?
Have any other suggestions about what not to do during sex? Share in the comments!