Movies and television have been ripe with sex scenes for as long as there have been cameras – even the old black and whites had “scandalous” imagery of women showing their legs or undressing while some pervert in a perfectly pressed suit peeked through a keyhole.
Fast forward to now, and we have companies like HBO, Netflix, or Starz bringing us full-frontal male nudity and gay sex between Middle Eastern men.
For some reason, the same crowd is surprised to find there is a plethora of eye candy in the gaming industry – and I’m not talking about stuff like Leisure Suit Larry or the countless anime games where the sole theme and purpose is to see boobs and get laid.
I’m talking about the steamy exploits delivered by the technological goodness of your at-home console or PC, woven into an intricate storyline.
Let’s take a look at some hot, failed, or hilarious attempts…
1. MASS EFFECT SERIES
Even though it’s in a space setting, complete with alien companions, the formula is the same as Dragon Age (which isn’t surprising since they’re both Bioware games).
There is relationship building, conversation trees, and questlines that build up to whatever dynamic or ending your choices have paved the way for. There’s also the added bonus of carrying over your romances into the other games.
2. THE WITCHER
Dark, bloody, and no real clear choice between good and bad. It’s all sorts of gray area.
Grey area and sex.
Man, this guy does get around. There’s even sex on unicorns. If you’re looking for weirder stuff, this is the game for you.
3. GOD OF WAR III
Sex scenes are FULL of breasts – and nearly naked handmaidens watching with envy as Aphrodite seduces the main character. That’s about all, though.
4. HEAVY RAIN
The sex scene is something most games don’t offer – control of the character WHILE they’re making out.
Don’t get too excited though, you can’t go full porn director. Also, the controls are a bit clunky and you end up feeling more like a voyeur watching two broken characters trying to get it on .
5. FAR CRY III
A drug-induced trip while a tribal woman takes advantage of your character. Just be careful of which ending you choose. She gets stabby in one of them.
6. METRO LAST NIGHT
This post-apocalyptic setting offers strippers (boobs out but panties on) – which can be avoided if you don’t “gawk” during one of your quests and don’t pay for a lap dance.
The only unavoidable romance scene doesn’t last that long and fades to black before any money shots can pop up.
7. GRAND THEFT AUTO V
All you have to do is show your wallet and hookers or strippers will go gaga. There’s also the memorable part where a character named Trevor bangs another guy’s druggy wife in the kitchen.
Not a sexy moment, but still worth the ranking.
My all-time favorite is when you have to play paparazzi and get a pic of two movie stars humping. The hilarious dialogue is worth it.
8. RIDE HELL TO RETRIBUTION
The amount of care that goes into the character animation is kind of lost … because they do it with all their clothes on.
My favorite quote is from ComplexDotCom, “A game designer calling this a love scene is clearly betraying the years of fumbling with doll-sized clothes, openly weeping in order to maintain an erection”
Oh, and the ass slapping is hilarious.
9. SOUTH PARK: STICK OF TRUTH
Not all sex scenes are sexy. Some are just downright funny … or awkward … or both. And, we would expect anything less from a franchise like South Park.
Watch your virtual parents have hardcore sex for an entire level … and for a long time (if you want the achievement). And, who can forget the “dodging testicles” part…
10. DRAGON AGE SERIES
BioWare is well known for its in-depth and decision-making/consequence-based games with pretty epic drama mixed with blood-bathed battles.
However, if you want a romp in the hay with any of the romanceable main characters, you have to put in the time. This includes doing their personal quests, choosing all the correct dialogue options, and waiting the in-game equivalent of months or years before you see any payout.
If we include everything from Origins to Inquisition, there’s everything you can hope for – goofy, sexy, lecherous, romantic, and heartbreaking. There is also a BDSM choice if you go after IronBull
Bioware also isn’t afraid to back LGBTQ rights – to the point that several of their characters are openly gay, lesbian, bi, or poly.
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Also, if you enjoyed this article, you might like these:
- Hentai Language A-Z – Anime Porn Terms You Should Know
- Subliminal Sex Messages – From Popcorn Fraud to Disney Movies
- Sex Robots – One Step Closer to Demolition Man and West World
Have you come across any other video game steamy-bits? Share your favorites in the comments!