If the idea of boring graveyard or homemade haunted houses doesn’t quite ring your bell, here are some places that are haunted as hell.
You can get naughty during Halloween in…
Xochimilco is a district in Mexico City where one of the artificial islands is famous for its collection of weathered, dirty, and utterly terrifying dolls.
Owner Julian Barrera discovered the body of a dead girl in a nearby canal. He started collecting tossed-away dolls to keep evil spirits away. He died in 2001 but the stuffed inhabitants still remain.
If you don’t find it creepy already, try humping there – bet you can’t keep a hard on (unless haunted toys gets you excited).
CHAPEL OF BONES, PORTUGAL
Go see the bones of over 5000 monks that they church decided, “Hey, let’s use them to make wall decorations.”
Actually, the real reason is because in the late fifteenth century, cemeteries were getting full and they decided to free up space by moving everything to one spot. Have fun with a boner while surrounded by bones. Yes, I went there.
Just know that there are tours and plenty of people who want to see it during Halloween. You might have to settle for a quickie in the bathroom and stare at whatever pics you took.
CITY OF DEAD RUSSIA
No, this isn’t a quaint little village. It’s a bunch of huts with human remains inside. It’s technically a cemetery so you can get your desecration kink on if you need.
There is one problem.
Not many people visit it because the road is hard as hell to go up and takes hours. You would have to spend the night … and the locals would think you’re crazy for it. The rumor is
anyone who goes in … doesn’t come out.
Guiness named this village the most haunted in England. There are stories of the 12-16 named ghosts.
There are BnBs there so you can get your freak on in private (and legally). Just imagine the “screaming man”, “highwayman”, “burning elder”, and “schoolmaster” all watch you get it on.
LINCOLN PARK ZOO
Never saw this one coming, did you? (See what I did there?). Yes you have a bunch of fuzzy animals and humping monkeys but from the 1840s to ‘50s, it was a cemetery with over 35,000 bodies interned. The city had to move it because there were too many dead people right next to the city water supply.
But … not all of them were moved.
There have been ghost reports since it opened 150 years ago.
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE
I know I’m going to have to premise this article with a very obvious disclaimer…
“Sex in public” doesn’t actually mean whipping down your drawer for the world to see. Also, there’s indecent exposure laws, kids potentially seeing (=bad, duh), and possibly trespassing laws. While having sex in these scary places could be awesome, you do so at your own risk of incarceration – so don’t be a dummy.
What scary places have you dared to do it in? Share in the comments!