Weird Animal Penises To Read About, Because Why Not?

animal penis

Credit: Reddit

 

Here are 5 weird animal penises that will make yours shrink

Before you go whipping out the measuring tape and adding on a few extra inches to your ego, you might want to take a look at what the animal kingdom has to offer. Warning, it can be scary AF.

BARNACLES

Darwin's Obsession With Barnacle Penises Makes a Lot of Sense Now | Mental  Floss

The rub with these little guys is that once they get past adolescence, they permanently attach to wherever until they die (or a scraped off by some sailor or environmentalist). So, their members need to adapt. Not only can they grow well past the length of their own body, but they can also change the shape to better suit rough or calm waters.

WATER BOATMAN

Species of UK: Week 29: Water Boatmen ('Corixa' and 'Notonecta')

Yes it’s tiny, but it’s mighty. Might loud!

The tiny guy doesn’t look like much, but when he gets frisky, an area of his abdomen starts causes friction against the rod and creates a vibrational “singing” – which is apparently like standing beside a passing train (if you were as small as him, that is).

BEAN WEEVIL    

Bean Weevil Penis. [Not Safe For Female Bean Weevils]: pics

The girls get the crap end of the deal with this mating – not to mention a painful one. The male is one of many that have a sharp stabber of a dick, which he uses to poke a hole in the girl’s body and inflict injuries. The theory is that if she’s hurt, she can’t find another mate and therefore must carry his genetic material.

ECHIDNA

I think these guys win the member-mambo. They are one of the only animals that have four cups/bulbs/heads/whatever at the end of the shaft. It’s either something out of a horror or sci-fi movie – or both.

TURTLES

Turtle dick (NSFW): awfuleverything

When erect, a male turtle’s penis can grow nearly 50 percent in length, 75 percent in width and 10 percent in depth. Considering some species of turtles have shafts that can be nearly half their body size to begin with, it makes sense why one writer called them “horrifically endowed.”

Any other scary animal penises we missed? Share in the comments!

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