Never imagined you’d be reading the history of Christmas sex? Well, you’re not alone. But you’re certainly not weird! It’s actually a very interesting topic that’s spanned over thousands of years.
Throughout history, different civilizations have celebrated the mid-winter season with some interesting merrymaking. And, it makes sense if you think about it.
There’s not always the connection of religion or even location, but there is something that most places (save those huddled along the equator) have in common…
It’s fucking cold.
Here’s what historians and anthropologists have shared about sex and winter celebrations.
HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS SEX – THE ROMANS
Every year, from December 17th to 23rd, was the festival of Saturnalia – the god of Saturn. That one week was only for drinking and being merry. They used boughs of holly as decorations, gave gifts, and gorged themselves on food.
Well, it should. Christians replaced the holiday with Christmas but kept on many of the traditions so the change over would be as jarring – and wouldn’t bring on as much rebellion. But what about sex?
The division of classes was very strict. On top of that, the Roman Empire wasn’t exactly a relaxing place to live in. It was easy to have frustrations build up over the months.
Add booze, loose social norms, and a carnival-like environment, and well … you get the picture. The freedom to get naughty was also extended to slaves. So, it was a glorious celebration for the lower classes.
HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS SEX – Saint Nicolas
We know he’s the “ancestor” of Santa Claus. But did you know he was the patron saint of prostitutes?
Yep! Santa loved hookers.
There are many variations on the story, but the main idea was that one man didn’t have enough to pay for the dowries of his three daughters. Without the money, the girls would be forced into prostitution. Saint Nicolas tossed three bags of coins in the window so they wouldn’t have to sell their bodies. It might seem like a mind-bender, since he helped the girls stay out of the trade, but his name is still attached to the idea.
HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS SEX – The Inuit
In pre-Christian Central Arctic, the Inuit would honor Sedna, the goddess of the sea somewhere around December.
There would be games, cross-dressing, and wife swapping. The men would be paired of with women and go to the women’s hut where they would live as “husband and wife” for a couple of days. They don’t actually say “sex” but we all know what’s going on under those animal skins.
UP TO THE 17th Century
We know about Boxing Day. But did you know that in the 17th century the term box took on the meaning that we know today (= vagina).
Peter Anthony Motteux writes about a wife with a ‘Priapus’ ‘sticking in her natural Christmas box’, in 1694. In ‘The London Spy’ (1699), Ned Ward makes jokes about women showing ‘the mouth of a Christmas box’ to anyone who would like to see. And in ‘Soldier’s Return’ (1720), D’Urfey describes a young woman who will ‘open her Christmas box’ and ‘give it all to the red-coats’.
This is just a fraction of the worldwide celebrations that go on when things get freezing!
Anything you want to add? Share in the comments!