Speaking from personal experience, anxiety can be one of the biggest libido killers, which is why it’s so important to find personal ways of reducing stress. But I don’t come at this topic with a “getting laid is the most important” attitude. What scares most people, isn’t the lack of thunder down under, it’s the fear of disconnection, the feelings of being undesirable, as well as your partner’s stress.
It can feel like it will never come back again … that something is wrong with you.
But I’m here to tell you that it’s okay! You’re normal.
Stress sucks the life and energy right out of us – and all we sometimes have left is the energy to feed and dress ourselves, get to work, etc.
The following list includes things you can do to help reduce your anxiety levels.
NOTE: Tackle these tasks with your CALM in mind … not what’s between your legs. As a result, your sex drive should come back on its own – killing two birds with one stone as it were.
If you’re stressed about sex … then don’t have it. Take that pressure away. Instead, focus on romantic or intimate acts (with the very clear message that it won’t lead anywhere). Cuddle, kiss, hold hands, stay in each other’s arms, have a glass of wine.
Learn to rephrase how you talk about yourself because trash-talking your entire being is just not cool. Little, daily reinforcements like this are very helpful.
- I’m fat – I’m beautiful.
- I’m lazy – I’m working through things.
- I just can’t do anything – I’m going to be patient with this journey.
- I suck at sex – I want to explore the world of sex more.
- I’m not giving my partner sex – I can focus on my partner’s other needs.
- I’m so horny but I can’t do anything – I’m going explore my own body more.
We might be in horrible situations, but there is always something good in our lives. Start a gratitude journal (book or app) and write down the things that are good each day. It can be anything big or small, sexual or not.
- “I shared a romantic kiss with my lover today”
- “We took a 5-minute walk outside today”
- “I have a roof over my head”
REDUCING STRESS WITH SUPPLEMENTS
It’s no joke that stress sucks the life out of you. It can also dump a huge amount of natural chemicals in your body that shouldn’t be there for extended periods of time. Make sure you’re getting all your vitamins and minerals through a healthy diet and possibly the addition of supplements.
KEEP A JOURNAL
This isn’t a gratitude journal like before. It’s a sex journal. Write down everything that happens to you in the romance and bedroom department – big or small. Collect info and see if any patterns emerge. Or, take it to a professional therapist as part of counseling.
REDUCING STRESS WITH GUIDED IMAGERY
It’s like going to your happy place – imagining a calming environment or journey. It can be done by listening to a recording or using your own process.
WORK WITH SMELLS
Aromatherapy can also be a wonderful addition to your calming regime. Look online or get a book on what each oils offer. Some are great for sparking your passion! Keep in mind, however, that all oils are not created equally. Get the pure stuff, not the stuff cut with oils or additives.
REDUCING STRESS WITH DEEP BREATHING
If you’ve been in any kind of therapy, you will know this one. It might sound simple, but it really works. Closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths, focusing only on your breaking, can break out of emotional pits or bad cycles.
The next step beyond breathing is mindfulness. I won’t get too much into it – it’s a huge topic. Upon first glance, it might seem like meditation, but it’s not. It’s being in the moment and paying attention to what’s happening now, instead of clearing your head and thinking of nothing.
REDUCING STRESS WITH ACTIVITY
Good old fashioned exercise (of any kind). Pump in some good chemicals to counter those bad ones.
HANG WITH A PET
Maybe you need to get away from humans. Don’t underestimate the calming power of a pet. If it’s one that needs to go out on walks, you’re also getting exercise and time to free your mind. Quite powerful.
SPEND TIME WITH A FRIEND
This one only works if your friend is a good listener and a positive person. You don’t have to spend time with them only to complain about what’s going on in your sex life, rather use the quality time to take your mind off of the stressful stuff.
ADDRESS WORK STRESS
If your job is the problem, it might be a bit tricky to reduce things to a manageable stress level. Start with little changes that could make your life easier, talk with someone you trust, ask for help, etc.
REDUCING STRESS WITH COMMUNICATION
Be sure to talk to your partner(s) about what’s going on and how you feel. Make sure you don’t play any blame games – just keep them in the loop. Maybe there is something you can work on together. If nothing else, letting them know what’s going on will help them be more understanding.
WORK ON, DON’T BAND-AID
Getting to the core of the issue, or at least a plan to address the problems is important. Yes, we can throw on quick fixes to get us through the day, week, or rough patch, but it might not keep things fixed forever.
Got any other suggestions for reducing stress so you can rediscover your sex drive? Share in the comments.