How to Give a Massage – Romantic Touch and Erotic Endings

A nice foot rub or attentive back massage is like relationship cocaine. But what about birthdays, anniversaries, or other special moments? Sometimes you want to give your lover more than a quick rub. In this article, learn how to give a massage (a decent one) and useful, erotic tips will help you make your partner melt into the bedsheets.


There are a lot of different styles – from hot stone to Shiatsu. However, what you’ll be doing is something closer to a gentle, erotic or romantic Swedish Massage with perhaps a dash of aromatherapy (depending if you make your own oils) and a happy ending (should you choose).

The Swedish massage is very common; something you see in spas and gyms etc. It’s based on the Western ideas of anatomy and health rather than the energy-based Asian schools.

It uses five kinds of strokes:

  1. Effleurage (long smooth strokes)
  2. Petrissage (kneading, rolling, and lifting)
  3. Friction (wringing or small circular movements)
  4. Tapotement (percussion)
  5. Vibration (rocking and shaking movements)

Most people will stick to 1 and 2 when they give their partner a massage, but it’s worth looking into 3 as well. Do NOT try 4 or 5 without training (especially 5) – they’re also movements you would not associate with a romantic massage.


Make sure the area is private and (if possible) temperature controlled – around 25 degrees C is good. You don’t want the person too hot or cold. However, even if it’s a good temperature, the naked body can still get a chill, so have a couple of warm, soft blankets handy.

Music should be soft and without lyrics. Why? We want the person to relax and let their minds go and feel free to slip into arousal – not be thinking about what’s being sung in the background.

Atmospheric music with nature sounds, yoga music, or environmental ambiance all work very well. If all else fails, type in “music for massage/relaxation/stress relief” into YouTube.

Candles are perfect – specifically tea lights (they won’t fall over and come in many scents). If you’re worried about fire hazards, electric candles will work. If you’re lucky enough to have a dimmer dial, turn it way down.

EXTRA TIP: Have them take a warm shower or hot bath first. Massaging on clean skin is nicer and they’ll be relaxed from the heat.


Learn how to give a massage, massage techniques, erotic massage tips

There’s no “wrong choice” – I might say that “warming” and “cooling” oils should be avoided since they might cause an allergic reaction and aren’t good for a lady’s private parts.

That being said, there are a ton to choose from: Almond, apricot kernel, avocado, camelia, coconut, grapeseed, hemp, jojoba, rosehip seed, safflower, soy, sunflower, walnut, etc.

NOTE: Almond is among the most popular because it’s smooth, oily, but doesn’t absorb as fast.

Also, don’t be afraid to add a couple drops of essential oils and elevate their senses…

  • Rose, jasmine, and Ylang Ylang are for romance and relaxing
  • Lemon, lime, orange, and grapefruit are invigorating
  • Lavender is an all-around god-like oil with countless benefits

SAFETY TIP: Each body is different, and some might have allergic reactions, where others do not. Always do an allergy spot test before applying oils all over the body.

However, if you don’t want to DIY it, buy something from your local drug store, sex shop, or online.


You’ll need a stable but comfortable surface for your partner to lay on – the bed or a table will work (added bonus if you actually can get/borrow/buy a massage table).

All the spa adverts have a girl with her head turned to the side and a smile on her face. But, after a while, she’s going to get really uncomfortable. Also, most of us don’t have a massage table sitting in the garage.

You can either have them cradle their head in their arms or put a pillow under their chest and another under their forehead (even roll up a towel and make a ring they can put rest their face in while they’re on their stomach.


1. Go slowly.

If you can only remember one thing, let it be this.

Seriously. Just like public speaking, you think you’re delivering your speech at a decent pace, but you only end up racing through it like a hummingbird on speed. If you think you’re going slow, go slower. Taking your time also allows you to focus on your technique and how your partner is feeling. This is the key to a sexy massage.

2. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

If you want your partner to turn to sexual putty, and you’re doing a full body massage, you should aim for AT LEAST an hour. If you’re just doing feet and the back, aim for at least 30 minutes.

3. Always start with a LIGHT and GENTLE touch.

There’s nothing more uncomfortable and mood-killing than someone who thinks they’re an all-shit deep tissue masseur that goes in with their hardest pinches and pokes; elbows and all.

Only after you’ve sent some significant shivers up their body and brought them into a complete state of relaxation, then you can gradually increase pressure. But remember, you’re not going for a hard-core session. At max, the pressure should be firm, but still pleasurable.

TIP: Check in with your partner once in a while to see if they like the pressure.

How to give a massage, learn how to massage

4. Keep things equal.

For example, don’t spend 5 minutes on one leg and 1 minute on the other. Keep your attention evenly distributed.

5. Keep an eye on your partner

If they seem to be enjoying themselves, keep at it. If they’re making wincing faces, painful grunts, or are moving away from your hands, adjust what you’re doing (because you’re hurting them). Don’t be afraid to straight up ask if they like it or how they want things changed.

6. Warm the oil first

Never put massage oil right on the skin. First, put it on your hands, let the natural heat warm it up, and THEN distribute it evenly across the part of the body you’re working with.

7. Body part order

In general, it’s best to go in this order: Back, neck, and back of the legs. Turn over. Front of the legs, feet, arms, hands, breasts/chest second last, THEN genitals for the grand finale. You can tease as you get near the end but going for the fun bits too early can be a turn-off.

8. Attend to overlooked places.

Areas like the scalp, earlobes back of the knee or around the knee cap, wrists, jaw, temples, bridge of the nose etc. These aren’t always covered in a full-body massage, but they can be very nice.

For example, if someone clenches the jaw a lot, they might fall in love with you if you pay attention to the jaw joint. Or, if they’re on the computer a lot, their wrists might need some rubbin’. If they wear glasses, the bridge of the nose is necessary.

Aside from feeling good, it shows them you pay attention to the little things.

NOTE: If you’re going to massage the scalp, do it first before you get oil on your hands. Or wash the oils of your hands.


How to give a massage, erotic massage

It would a ridiculously long article to describe how to do each one, so I’ll just say, “Check YouTube” or other online videos. They’ll have plenty that will let you see firsthand what you can do.

I will say that during a romantic massage, don’t forget to add plenty of kisses, licks, sweet words, and teasing in places you know they enjoy.


As for the “happy” ending part (if that’s something THEY want), here are a few pointers…


Start by massaging the areas around the labia. Throw in the odd “grazing” of her clitoris or other super-sensitive parts. Next, start stroking her labia lips. If you have a hand free, make sure to caress other erogenous zones – the same goes for kisses and licks.

Graduate into massaging the clit. Then, if she’s into penetration, slide two fingers into the vagina and start working her g-spot. Let it end with an orgasm (or two) and let her chill in all her putty relaxation.


The same “genital foreplay” applies. Don’t go directly for the shaft. Instead, massage around the groin, the testicles, and the perineum (the spot between the testicles and the anus). If they’re into anal play, teasing around the rim can be nice.

When it’s time to go for the penis, wrap your hand around the base and gently pull toward the tip. Take your other hand, wrap it around the base, and repeat the movement. Alternate for a minute or two. Then, if he’s hard enough, reverse the stroke and go from tip to base.

If you are a multi-tasker, keep on hand going on his shaft and the other hand gently massaging the perineum (which can lead to stronger orgasms).

NOTE: If he’s ready to orgasm, but doesn’t want to, make him take deep breaths and slow down your stroking. But, if he’s ready to pop, choose ONE movement he seems to enjoy and stick with it. Don’t change things up mid-orgasm or you can ruin it.


Remember, not all massages need to end in an orgasm. Also, it’s important to keep communicating during the session to make sure they like what you’re doing or if there is something you can change to improve their pleasure. And, never give a massage with the expectation of getting your own right after. It’s just not cool.

Finally, as in so many things … practice makes perfect.

Also, if you enjoyed this article, you might like these…

Know any other tips that will take your erotic massage to the next level? Share in the comments!

Lovense blog has one, passionate drive - to bring everyone valuable content revolving around sex toys, sex education, safe kink practices, and even a bit of entertainment just to make you smile.

It's this drive that proudly earned us the title "Best Sex Blog in the World" in 2020. But we haven't stopped there. We're always on the hunt for new material and ways to help you learn, grow, and stay safe in the world of sex.

So jump in and start reading. There's tons to discover!

Join newsletter

Stay up to date on sexy articles & hot deals!