Today we’re dipping our toes into the crazy world of dating sims! And if you think you’ve seen crazy playable novels before, you’re in for a real treat shock!
JURASSIC HEART
No this game [Image above] isn’t about falling in love while dinosaurs chase you through the Michael Crichton novel. And it’s not going back in time and going all goo-goo for a much hairier version of the current male species. You literally woo your classmate, Taira, who also happens to be a T-Rex.
To make things extra whacky, the central cog revolves around a broken ukulele.
DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB
For the record, I’ve played this one. And I can promise you that even if it starts out like a cutesy dating sim, things quickly take a dark turn and it falls into the realm of twisted mental depravity, self-harm, and even death. My final reaction was the same as most other players – traumatized.
And too boot, it’s intended to be played a second time around where your first choices affect the next play through … which makes you want to sleep with the lights on for the night.
PANZERMADELS: TANK DATING SIMULATOR
“Erwin Lemmor just got transferred to a prestigious military academy to study Armored Warfare. But when he arrives, Erwin realizes it’s not Tank School, but “Tank School” for World War II Tanks. Who happen to look just like Japanese School Girls.”
So yeah, you’re dating a girl that represents a tank. No wonder people are wildly divided over this game (honestly most people don’t like the publisher in general).
TOMAK: SAVE THE EARTH – LOVE STORY
From Korean developer SEED9, this one is part of the Tomak series (which apparently is very popular in Japan). The main characters for Save The Earth are half-women, half-plants. I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.
The story is about a doomed earth and the gods have given one final chance to the goddess of love. If she can make a human fall in love with her in three years, the won’t destroy the planet.
RAPTOR BOYFRIEND
This teen drama focuses on a teen student with mad social anxiety, but with a longing for love. Arriving at school she ends up spoiled for choice with three other students she ends up crushing on – magical Fairy, a sensitive loner Sasquatch and a bold and unpredictable Velociraptor.
But you know what? Out of all of this madness, this is on the only one that players seemed to generally be intrigued to play. Also, the art style isn’t cute anime, which is a nice change. I might actually give in to morbid curiosity and try it.
THE BACON LETTUCE BIOGRAPHIES
This visual novel is one that I WON’T be giving into any morbid curiosities. Why?
Long story short, the framework might be like any of the regular dating sims out there, but you (the main character) not only think you hear alien voices, but every single romantic interest appears as some kind of meat. Even their name is the meat. So, you can be sitting there falling in love with Beef, while your friend is dating Tuna.
BOYFRIEND DUNGEON
The BDSMers out there might be thinking HELL YEA! But hold your horses. This isn’t what you think. The main character is a girl, and the guy she chooses turns into a gun when she enters dungeons to kill monsters and grab loot.
You can also upgrade your boyfriend.
HATOFUL BOYFRIEND
I swear, I thought this said “hateful” boyfriend when I first saw this. And that would have been better than what I ended up with on the “about” page on the Steam store.
“Congratulations! You’ve been accepted as the only human student at the prestigious St. PigeoNation’s Institute, a school for talented birds! Roam the halls and find love in between classes as a sophomore student at the world’s greatest pigeon high school.” And yes, there’s a pervert pigeon.
SPEED DATING FOR GHOSTS
Here’s the developers blurb, which is better than how I could describe it. And it’s one out of the three on this list that I was like, “Yea, I might play this.”
“Have you ever wanted to have deep, meaningful conversations with a smoldering poltergeist who terrorizes rich men in Vegas? How about a ghost dog looking for his owner? Or maybe you’d rather rob a bank? Ghosts are into all sorts of things.
Meet more than a dozen ghosts of oh so many backgrounds, genders, and time periods. Learn how they died, as well as how they lived, then help them find peace… if they like you enough to open up first. Based on what you say and how you say it, some dates may turn ugly. Not everyone gets along, even in the afterlife.”
I LOVE YOU, COLONEL SANDERS!
We saved the craziest for last. You are a culinary student going to school with none other than the young Colonel Sanders. Your job is to take classes while trying to at least be good enough to become his business partner or, even better, his love interest.
As if this isn’t wacky enough, it’s published by KFC. Seriously.
DATING SIMS END THOUGHTS
Which of these would you want to try and why? Because they actually look interesting? To hate play them? Because they are so bad that they’re good? Share in the comments!
