This isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve done this – blasting weird sex tips. But the beauty of magazines like Cosmo and Men\u2019s Health, there is ZERO shortage of weird advice to dissect with a note of incredulity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, I know what you\u2019re thinking, \u201cBut all you do is write \u201cweird stuff\u201d day in and day out.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n And this is true, but I like to think I categorize things into packages that help people understand what goes where and who might like it or not \u2013 as opposed to the Cosmo approach of \u201call women must do this if they want to snag a man.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, here are 10 \u201ctips\u201d that I will relentlessly tear apart for your amusement\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n Well, it seems we’re coming out of the gate hot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do some dudes like it firm\/rough? Definitely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But who in their right mind just assumes this right off the bat and starts practicing sports on someone\u2019s genitals? It needs communication and build-up, not turning into Great Aunt Bertha who hasn\u2019t seen her \u201clittle guy\u201d in six months and goes in for a traumatizing cheek pinch.<\/p>\n\n\n Omg. Is this like episode two of the grapefruit video? Sure, some people like food or messy play. But can you imagine whipping it out and the girl running back with a box of Dunkin? Yeah, no. It’s probably top 10 of my weird sex tips category.<\/p>\n\n\n It took a few moments to process this. So, they\u2019re saying, \u201cEat yogurt to have bigger balls and therefore be sexier\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I need to go sit down. Excuse me.<\/p>\n\n\n Imagine going on a Tinder date and the person suddenly licks your hand! Was this suggested pre-COVID? Was the person wholly unaware of how dirty the hands are? Do they not see how it\u2019s just icky in general? It sort of feels like a trolling set-up for failure and a moist-horror reaction from the receiver.<\/p>\n\n\n This is just peppered (heehee) with all sorts of WTF.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m genuinely curious to see if anyone has tried this and not been turned off by the layers of spittle that they got showered with after \u2013 and possibly other fluids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hate sneezing, so maybe it\u2019s just me?<\/p>\n\n\n Does anyone remember that old commercial with the guy pinpointing seizures through old-timey brain surgery? \u201cDr. Penfield I smell burnt toast!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n True, certain smells can be total turn-ons, but I wouldn’t go rushing off to the toaster oven when you feel like getting frisky. Plus, if someone can only get randy with the scent of crispy bread, maybe they should see a real doctor.<\/p>\n\n\n The hell! This is nearly up there with the penis-pinching advice. Soft nibbles and bites? Sure!<\/p>\n\n\n\n But of rough play? If it\u2019s consensual, why not!<\/p>\n\n\n\n But ladies (and gents), do NOT go all sadistic cowgirl. Sigh. Where do people come up with these things?<\/p>\n\n\n Okay\u2026Okay. There are people who might like kinky threesome with a bit of mask play. I can totally see it \u2013 and there are probably millions of porn clips out there with just this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But WHY specifically a horse and bear mask? Was there any communication about the desire for a threesome ahead of time? Or is someone going to walk in thinking there are weird-ass thieves running around naked.<\/p>\n\n\n I met someone who was into this!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I had no idea at the time but it was something about anime or hentai-related. \u201cThe more you know\u201d, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n But getting back to being judgmental and bitchy \u2026 Really, talk about it first. It\u2019s a place people aren’t used to using for pleasure so it might freak the normies out a little.<\/p>\n\n\n I LOVE licking sweet stuff off of skin. Yummers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But the serious side of me needs to warn about what happens when stuff like that gets too close to the private bits. It can cause yeast infections etc. And it won\u2019t work if someone is vegan. Not a bad idea, but it just needs a disclaimer added to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Any other weird sex tips you’ve read in online magazines? Share in the comments<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" They’re everywhere – weird sex tips that make people think they “have to try it” or people won’t want them. Let’s tear these apart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[447,7,449],"tags":[6,36],"class_list":["post-5267","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-have-sex","category-sex-passion","category-sex-positivity","tag-sex","tag-weird"],"yoast_head":"\nWEIRD SEX TIP #1. “Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other… you can tap it back and forth like you’re volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle.”<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX TIP # 2. \u201cSlip a doughnut around his penis, and slowly eat it off.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
SCIENCE SEX TIP # 3. \u201cThe key to sexiness may lie in yogurt\u2014at least for mice. The testicles of mice fed a yogurt diet were 5 percent bigger than those on a regular diet\u2014and 15 percent bigger than mice fed a \u2018junk food diet,\u2019 according to a new study out of MIT.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX TIP # 4. “If you’re out in public but want to make your intentions clear, slowly and firmly flick your tongue against the palm of her hand. If she just wipes it off down her skirt, you’ve blown it.”<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX TIP # 5. \u201cSprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX TIP # 6. \u201cAccording to new research, the smell of toast is a serious mood booster.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
ODD SEX TIP # 7. \u201cAs you\u2019re riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers, and pull on them to rock yourself forward and backward.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX TIP # 8. \u201cSurprise your lover by inviting your friend over and wearing a horse and bear mask as soon as they come in.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
WEIRD SEX SUGGESTION # 9. \u201cNestle his dick in your armpit.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n
AND FINALLY, #10. \u201cDrizzle some honey between your legs.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n