{"id":496,"date":"2019-12-27T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-27T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/fetish-vs-kink"},"modified":"2019-12-27T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-12-27T00:00:00","slug":"fetish-vs-kink","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/kink-bdsm\/fetish-vs-kink","title":{"rendered":"Understanding BDSM Terminology – Fetish vs Kink"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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This is a question I hear a lot \u2013 it\u2019s also one that I\u2019ve had personal bumps in hookups or relationships as a result of the terms being confused or not understood. If you\u2019re more a vanilla person, this might not be something that you have to ever deal with, but if you\u2019re looking to explore or spice up your sex life even a little, it\u2019s important to know what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, the terms might have overlap in practice, but in meaning, they are totally different.<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The difference is also simple enough\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA kink becomes a fetish when it becomes the primary source of pleasure.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WHAT IS A KINK?<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A kink is something you like to do (or have done to you) during sex that is considered \u201cunconventional<\/b>\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s look at that last word \u2013 just like \u201cbeauty\u201d it can mean different things for different people. For one person, getting into something other than missionary can be \u201cdirty\u201d while for a different person, leather, flogging, and bondage could be considered out of the ordinary to outsiders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It really is subjective to people and cultures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WHAT IS A FETISH?<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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One dictionary defines it as \u201ca form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not sure I like the use of the word \u201cabnormal\u201d (remembering that everything is subjective), but let\u2019s focus on two other words \u2026 linked gratification<\/i>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fetishes are, in essence, something you NEED during sex in order to reach whatever peak you require (emotional, physical, etc.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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HOW DO THEY OVERLAP?<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Absolutely \u2013 which is why there\u2019s so much confusion around the term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can have someone who wants their partner to wear high heels during sex but also needs them in order to feel pleasure. They are a kinky fetishist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But remember, fetishes aren\u2019t always linked to sex items or sexualized body parts. Maybe someone MUST have eye contact to feel intimacy or arousal. Eye contact wouldn\u2019t be considered a kink, but for some, it can be a fetish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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ARE THERE DANGERS?<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Yes \u2013 but that\u2019s with anything in life. Eating too much, or the wrong thing is also dangerous. If someone has a need for extreme violence, then it can totally become dangerous. Or, if someone has zero idea about BDSM, SSC rules, and\/or uses the kink scene as an excuse to be an abuser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CONFUSION<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As I mentioned before, I\u2019ve had my own personal hiccups with people who didn\u2019t understand their own sexuality. One insisted he was a submissive who loved foot play, but upon meeting up and having a few light sessions, I noticed that he was entirely about feet \u2026 and for his own pleasure and wanted nothing to do with submission (at least not in the degree he had advertised).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It ended up more me serving him and getting nothing in return (as the earlier conversation had implied otherwise). He was there for his own orgasms. I suggested that he should change his online tag to \u201cfetishist\u201d instead. Sadly, I still see \u201csubmissive\u201d next to his name in social media circles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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BE CLEAR AND UNASHAMED<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My biggest advice, when it comes to using these terms on yourself \u2026 be honest about it. Don\u2019t be ashamed that you have a fetish for legs or chocolate pudding. As long as play is safe, sane, and consensual, there\u2019s nothing wrong with anyone\u2019s desires. They are part of you and, therefore, valid and important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What you should NOT do is claim to be something else because you think it will be easier to find play partners or find acceptance in whatever scene you find yourself. While BDSM \u201ctitles\u201d are only guidelines, it\u2019s still important to use the right ones so you can find compatible partners easier, have enjoyable play, and no one\u2019s time is wasted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Also, if you want more useful or interesting articles, you might like these\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n