{"id":450,"date":"2019-09-23T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-09-23T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/terrible-sex-advice"},"modified":"2019-09-23T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-09-23T00:00:00","slug":"terrible-sex-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/sex-passion\/terrible-sex-advice","title":{"rendered":"Terrible Sex Advice \u2013 40 Tips You Should Erase From Memory"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Here’s a collection of some of the most terrible sex advice you’ll ever see. Great ready with the brain bleach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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1. BITE THE CLIT<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No! I mean, sure a nibble if you\u2019re into some BDSM pain. But for the most part, nooooo!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. VAGINAS COME IN TWO SHAPES<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apparently this one was from a sex toy seller that thought vagoos were a triangle or square shape because of the shape of two of the products he sold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. MASTURBATE WITH A POPSICLE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea is to pleasure yourself and then invite him to gown down on you or fuck you. This is a horrible idea for two reasons \u2013 first, the sugar WILL give you a yeast infection and second, that kind of cold is not good for the sensitive skin within the vaginal canal. There are many safe ways to do temperature play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. PEE INSIDE HER<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some than-than-bright light bulb (more than one in fact) thinks that the \u201cchemicals\u201d of your pee will kill sperm. Sigh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. PULL OUT ANAL BEADS HARD & FAST<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can pull anal beads out with some<\/em> speed, but certainly not like you\u2019re pulling on a lawnmower cord or if the person isn\u2019t used to anal play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. HOT WATER KILLS SPERM<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tea bag yourself by dipping your testicles into very warm water to \u201ckill the sperm\u201d so you can have unprotected sex \u2013 Aside from it being obvious BS, do these people not give a crap about STIs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. PULL OUT, ONLY PART WAY<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I heard this was a father to son piece of advice \u2013 that if you pull out \u00be of the way, the sperm won\u2019t reach its destination \u2026 says the father to the offspring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. ADD SODA DOWN THERE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the love of frigging god, people \u2013 sugar in the vagina is BAD. How many times do we have to say this? If your partner doesn\u2019t like the taste of your vagina (which is ok, many ladies don\u2019t like the taste of dick), then just use a dental dam or flavored lube that\u2019s body-safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. DON’T INITIATE SEX <\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some \u201cold school\u201d advice that women should never make the first move. Bah, I say!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. TEETH+PENIS=PLEASURE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noooo! That\u2019s right up there with biting the clit. Yes, there IS cock and ball torture. However, that is only practiced on someone who enjoys it \u2013 not a general assumption about every male. No nibbles unless he enthusiastically consents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. FINISH AT THE SAME TIME.<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people think if you orgasm at the same time (during unprotected sex), you won’t get pregnant. Wroooooong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12 MINTY FRESH<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is Cosmo getting so desperate? Yes, peppermint will give you a boost \u2013 it invigorates and wakes you up. But so will some great foreplay. If you really wanted to do this because you both love the smell, get some safe essential oil and mix it with a base oil, then lightly dab it like a perfume or even apply like massage oil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. ALWAYS ADD A FINGER UP THERE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

P-spot stimulation (during or not during penetrative\/oral sex) can<\/em> be pleasurable for some men. But, just like ladies, not everyone likes it. Ask before you start poking \u2013 and make sure you know what you\u2019re doing when you actually insert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

no permission, no finger up the bum<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

14. BODY POSITION FOR PREGNANCY<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The whole \u201clying down to get pregnant vs standing up or jumping to let it \u2018drain\u2019 out little gem previous generations have passed on. Hint \u2026 it doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

15. SEX CHEMISTRY DOESN\u2019T MATTER<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It does matter for a lot of people \u2013 a handful might get into relationships where sexual chemistry isn\u2019t a priority. However, take this example and have a long hard think about what YOU need in a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

16. ADD A DONUT TO A BLOWJOB<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought the grapefruit video was weird enough (and I\u2019m already a weird person), but this viral piece of advice when into detail about taking a donut, putting your partner\u2019s penis through it and licking and eating etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17. GIVE HIM FRICTION BURN<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember when you were young and someone took their hands around your arm and twisted each hand hard in the opposite direction? I think my generation called them Indian burns (racist I know). But why in hell would you do that to someone\u2019s dick? CBT maybe<\/em>, but otherwise\u2026ouch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

18. LET HER HIDE HER BODY<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Turn off the lights, let her cover her body, cut a hole in the sheets \u2013 all because women think their bodies are ugly. Yuck to this idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

19. OUTDOOR SEX IS THE BEST<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although you CAN have sex outdoors \u2013 the idea is more of a quickie or oral sex, even in a tent. Not a full session rolling around the dirt. I mean I guess if you\u2019re on your own private property and you\u2019re not risking sunburn, poison ivy, or bug bites\u2026maybe. I can speak to this one first hand (especially the bug bites).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

20. RHINESTONES ROUND YOUR NIPPLES<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something about a sparkly bullseye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

21. PULL LIKE HE\u2019S A COW<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No\u2026that\u2019s NOT how you give a handjob \u2013 every man (just like every woman) is different in what they like. Communication is the key.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

22. MAKE HIM A SNACK AFTER<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This isn\u2019t the 1940\u2019s. Even the magazine that published it had to retract it and write an apology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

23. DIRTY TALK EVERYWHERE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the supermarket, was one of the funnier places I came across \u2013 \u201cthese melons are so ripe, it makes me want to tear off your shirt and motorboat your boobs.\u201d Ahahahahahha\u2026.no. Dirty talk is GREAT if done in the right place and at the right time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

24. PLAY SCARY MOVIES<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I giggled at this one \u2013 the idea is that the screams would mask your moans \u2026 lol. Not so much terrible as just silly advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

25. DARKNESS AND ICECREAM<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeding each other ice cream in bed when it\u2019s pitch black and licking whatever drips and smears everywhere will not only ruin your bedsheets but ice cream is frigging cold. There is, however, a kink called \u201csploshing\u201d but it\u2019s an entirely different kink \u2013 with a way easier clean up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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burrrrr, and messy<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

26. PUSH THE SHAFT BASE IN<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, because if you\u2019re trying to give a blow or handjob, you\u2019re literally just pushing his penis back into his body. Nope. It will probably be more painful than anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

27. HAVE A HUGE MEAL FIRST<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something about getting stamina for long sessions.  Should you eat healthily? Yes. Should you hydrate? Yes. Should you fill up on buffet just before bed? No, bouncing might lead to barfing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

28. USE HAIR DYE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to stare at this one for a while to let it sink in. One girl suggested dying your hair, and while it was still wet, have sex. Sweetie, that tingling you\u2019re feeling everywhere are chemicals! Aside from the horrible stains, what about allergies to the other person. Imagine it getting in your mouth eyes\u2026or worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

29. DOUBLE WRAP YOUR CONDOMS<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No! This actually makes them LESS effective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

30. USE A TURKEY BASTER<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFlush the semen out of your vagina immediately after sex so you don\u2019t get pregnant\u201d \u2013 Sigh. Another \u201cgem\u201d that has landed couples with surprise babies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

31. GIRL ON TOP = NO BABIES<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the turkey baster isn\u2019t going to work, you really think this will?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

32. MAKE HIM SNEEZE<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ugh, someone started a rumor that putting pepper under his nose just before he comes will give him a stronger orgasm. First, that\u2019s hard to time. Second, you\u2019ll get covered in sneeze juice. Third, it just doesn\u2019t work that way!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

33. MASTER HIS\/HER BITS<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I added this one as a general \u201cbad piece of advice\u201d because there were so many \u201ctechniques you had to master\u201d to please your partner. You know what the real key is? Communication \u2013 talking about what you both like and don\u2019t like and building a road map to their particular pleasure zones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

34. PLAY BOOB TENNIS<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I won\u2019t get into the LONG guide I read, but the general idea was to bounce his dick back and forth between your breasts \u2026 are we that desperate for new foreplay? Is it something comparable to men liking to slap their shafts against a woman\u2019s pussy (more porn again). I just don\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

35. USE SILICONE LUBE FOR MASSAGES<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No. Silicone has its uses (like on certain sex toys or anal play) but people don\u2019t realize how hard that shit it to take off – and it WILL stain your sheets. Just get normal massage oil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

36. IF HE\u2019S HAPPY, HE\u2019S CHEATING<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even I\u2019ve written an article about \u201csigns of cheating<\/a><\/strong>\u201d \u2013 but the MAIN point is that one or two “flags” on their own doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It\u2019s when many <\/em>boxes on the list are checked off that you should have an open and honest discussion about what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Happiness or taking more showers doesn’t always mean someone is cheating<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

37. POP ROCKS <\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember this one going around. With a woman, it\u2019s a no-no (remember what I said about sugar?), for men \u2026 I think it would be painful. If you\u2019re a masochist \u2026who knows. Still, there are other ways to get kinky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

38. SLAP HER VAG<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Porn is fine for stimulation \u2013 not for recreation. Having a guy lick his hand and then slap your nether regions is not a turn on for most women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

39. KEEP GOING, EVEN IF IT HURTS<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hear this one for not just anal sex but for any kind of sex. NO! Pain means stop! And if you want pain you better be educated in SSC and RACK practices – and if you don’t know what those mean … that means you need to educate yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

40. STAY UNDER 5<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you sleep with over five men in your life, no man will respect you\u201d \u2013 another piece of advice that can go in the garbage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Also, if you want more articles, you might want to check out these…<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n