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Breakups are usually shit \u2013 crying, screaming into pillows until your throat goes raw, anger to the point you have to restrain yourself from buying a baseball bat, or just general disappointment or resentment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But aside from the long journey of self-healing and all the drama in between, there\u2019s one aspect that is a newer addition to the long list of stuff to work through\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your digital connection to your ex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here a simple, honest guide that might help you get through this part of the healing process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. UNDERSTAND IT\u2019S NORMAL<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n First, you\u2019re not the stereotypical stalker that\u2019s portrayed in movies. You\u2019ve gone from seeing them often or all the time to not seeing them at all. That cut off alone can be hard to deal with. Wanting to know what\u2019s going on in your ex\u2019s life is a natural response after a breakup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You want to know what they\u2019re doing. If they\u2019re quickly moving on to other loves or lusts. What other people are saying about you. What THEY are saying about you. You want justification or protection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s NORMAL.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not something you should linger on. It\u2019s a stage you need to get past.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. DELETE THEIR PROFILE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n This one should be no surprise. Whatever your main communication is from them \u2013 get rid of it, block them. Even if the parting was somewhat \u201cfriendly\u201d there could be unknown elements that can trigger unexpected reactions and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. <\/strong><\/span>BLOCK THEM FROM OTHER SITES<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Next is to purge the rest \u2013 Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, whatever \u2013 and no cheating by looking up their @username for references and tidbits. You can also ask them to block you back to make it easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. TAKE A TOTAL BREAK<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n If it\u2019s bad enough that you can seem to stay away from their life updates, stepping away from social media entirely and working on rebuilding yourself might be the best choice. Straight up delete the apps from your phone if you have to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good news? You can come back to it whenever you are ready again. Just leave your friends the message \u201cTaking a break, be back whenever\u201d etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n SIDE NOTE:<\/strong> <\/span>if you can total digital disconnect through camping is a great option.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. BLOCK MUTUAL FRIENDS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n This doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re taking sides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can politely tell the friend you\u2019re blocking is because you need to heal and seeing updates from your ex might hinder the process.<\/strong> But, you\u2019re more than happy to stay in contact by other means \u2013 whether phone calls, meetups, or other social media that your ex is not on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n SIDE NOTE: <\/span> <\/strong>Don\u2019t forget to get rid of any of their family members from your feeds. Anything you write WILL get to them and feed into the interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. LIMIT CONTACT<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n This one is if you CAN\u2019T totally cut off communication. Maybe there are divorce payments, maybe you have similar social schedules that you want to try and avoid each other while you heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I put this article in the \u201csex-tips\u201d section of the blog because it has a very real example I\u2019ve gone through myself. My ex and I are part of the BDSM community in our area, and I\u2019m a member of the Shibari group \u2013 the players that go to these places often overlap. We tried to sort out who would go to what event through FetLife. In the end, he made it so complicated, that I said to myself, \u201cFuck it, I\u2019ll go to what I want.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n It might not paint the clearest picture, but if you HAVE to contact them through whatever app you use, keep it short, to the point, and without emotion.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n 6. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Like everything else in the breakup process, it\u2019s best to think about just that day. Focus on not looking THAT day. It will slowly get easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 7. PRACTICE SELF-CONTROL<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n This is side point of \u201ctake it one day at a time. Actively tell yourself, \u201cNo, this will not help me. This will not help me heal or get over them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 8. FORGET OTHER\u2019S OPINIONS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of us don\u2019t own up to our side of the shit we did in the relationship. People paint themselves as the saint, the generous ex who will help you no matter what even if you\u2019re broken up, or even play the victim. It\u2019s not to say that some breakups don\u2019t have an actual \u201cvictim\u201d or someone who got it worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t expect all your ex\u2019s friends (mutual or not) to be on your side.<\/strong> Your ex will have painted their own picture of the fall of the relationship and of what you were like or what you did (truths, half-truths, essential details that are conveniently omitted, or straight out lies). They might be saying terrible things about you \u2013 and you do NOT need that in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your friends, family, and the ones who support YOU, are the only ones you should care about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 9. THERE\u2019S AN APP FOR THAT<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve heard through the grapevine that there\u2019s an app to help you control your social media consumption or limit or block your ability to search for your ex\u2019s digital footprint. Every little bit helps. I believe it’s called AppDetox.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n 10. TAKE UP A NEW HABIT<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Distractions are always helpful. Take up a new hobby or get to something you couldn\u2019t do because your ex didn\u2019t want to participate. Take a class, find new friends, go to a gym, whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 11. HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember those friends and family I mentioned? Let THEM be the ones you talk to and \u201cstalk\u201d their medial. Use the time to reconnect. Email them, call, let them be the ones you focus on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 12. UNDERSTAND EVERYONE HEAL DIFFERENTLY<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n It is an unfortunate reality that everyone heals and different times, different speeds, and through different methods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone might drop off the face of the earth \u2026 or flaunt the string of men or women they\u2019re screwing their way through and posting graphic details. You don\u2019t need to see that or whatever angry rants they write about you. You don\u2019t need that added pain. It\u2019s not a reflection of you, it\u2019s their own \u201chealing process\u201d (healthy or unhealthy).<\/p>\n\n\n\n 13. ENJOY YOUR ALONE TIME<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve used the word \u201chealing\u201d a lot, but it\u2019s true \u2013 you\u2019ve suffered a loss. Being single is a great opportunity to rediscover who you are \u2013 whether it is something old you\u2019ve forgotten or new things you didn\u2019t even know about yourself. Focus on the evolution of the new and improved \u201cyou\u201d \u2013 not wasting energy on someone\u2019s Twitter feed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 14. GET BACK INTO DATING<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n When you\u2019re ready, and only when you\u2019re ready, getting back into dating is another way to forget about what\u2019s going on in your ex\u2019s life. Just be careful about rebounds etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 15. REMEMBER, SO MANY FISH<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n So this one didn\u2019t work out? Yes is hurts like hell, and you want to stalk their feeds to make sure they are as miserable as you, but the concept of \u201cthere\u2019s only one for your\u201d \u201cor they are the perfect one\u201d is something out of a fairy tale \u2013 and it doesn\u2019t apply to real life. Your relationship has ended, but there will be someone out there that will treat you better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Focus on learning how to spot the \u201cgood ones\u201d, learn personal red flags, find out what you need to improve or what you denied yourself, and understand what you truly need from a relationship, so next time you\u2019ll get someone who actually fits with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, if you want more useful articles, you might like these…<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Any other suggestions you want to add to help people cut off their social media ties to their ex? Share in the comments!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u200b\u200b\u200b\u200b\u200b\u200b Breakups are usually shit \u2013 crying, screaming into pillows until your throat goes raw, anger to the point you have to restrain yourself from…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1404,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[432,453,7],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-intimate-relationship","category-sex-life","category-sex-passion","tag-technology"],"yoast_head":"\n
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