{"id":437,"date":"2019-07-19T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-07-19T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/bdsm-vs-abuse"},"modified":"2019-07-19T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-07-19T00:00:00","slug":"bdsm-vs-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/kink-bdsm\/bdsm-vs-abuse","title":{"rendered":"BDSM vs Abuse – Learn the Differences and Stay Safe"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
There\u2019s plenty to discuss around the topic of BDSM vs Abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, the core<\/strong> difference revolves around one simple idea – consent<\/strong>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Yes, Mr. X crying because he\u2019s being spanked REALLY hard, but he\u2019s consented to it during the negotiation phase. BUT, should he wish to cease play (for any reason), all he has to do is say his safe word. His play partner will immediately stop and see to any emotional or physical issues. When these problems are addressed, it is up to Mr. X if he wants to continue or not (and his partner respects this choice).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is consent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ms. Y is trying to have anal sex for the first time. There is considerable pain and she asks her partner to stop \u2026 but they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another way to look at it\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOne word will stop BDSM play. A million words will not stop abuse.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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FOUNDATION OF A LARGER MINDSET<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Yes, we have consent, but there\u2019s more to it if you want to be a responsible BDSM practitioner or kinkster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used the word \u201cnegotiations\u201d earlier. Negotiations (or we can just call it pre-scene communication). All participants discuss their limits (what they will do, are willing to explore, and won\u2019t do) \u2013 this can be anything from a simple \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno\u201d all the way to a scaling system of 0 to 10 (0 being a hard limit).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you respect someone\u2019s limits, it builds trust. With this trust, you are able to explore deeper into your kinky desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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NEXT, SSC<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
This stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SAFE <\/span>=<\/strong> All practices but be carried out knowing the risks to the mind and body (and take preventative measures not to do lasting harm and minimize those risks). Example, when doing Japanese rope tying, you need to understand human anatomy and avoid nerve damage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SANE <\/span>=<\/strong> All participants need to be aware of not only the risks, but also understand the difference between reality versus fantasy. The section also means you shouldn\u2019t practice BDSM while drunk or high (you need to be completely aware of what\u2019s going on).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SIDE NOTE:<\/strong> <\/span>\u201cSubspace\u201d is the term used when the submissive is experiencing a \u201chigh\u201d from their body\u2019s chemicals and environment. They\u2019re not always able to make rational decisions or give clear communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dom\/mes need to be aware of the signs and NEVER stray from the negotiated terms while their partner is in subspace. Sometimes, if the submissive goes in too deep, it\u2019s wise to stop play altogether (even if they haven\u2019t said a safe word).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
CONSENSUAL<\/span> =<\/strong> Everyone has agreed to borders, limits, safe words, what will happen in a scene, etc. If people change their minds, re-negotiation must take place (even mid-play, but it can be as long or short of a conversation as people need).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Learn more here…<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"\/](\"https:\/\/cdn.lovense.com\/UploadFiles\/file\/20190719\/concent.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n![\"\"\/](\"https:\/\/cdn.lovense.com\/UploadFiles\/file\/20190719\/TheDifferenceBetweenBDSMAndAbuse_1.jpg\")
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