{"id":351,"date":"2018-11-15T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-11-15T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/dirty-christmas-gifts"},"modified":"2024-12-12T06:26:03","modified_gmt":"2024-12-12T06:26:03","slug":"dirty-christmas-gifts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/fun-weird\/dirty-christmas-gifts","title":{"rendered":"10 Dirty Christmas Gifts That Will Land You on The Naughty List"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Whether you want a gag gift to add to the mix or your partner has a sincere love of all things odd, quirky, or disturbing, these dirty Christmas gifts<\/a> will give you plenty to think about (and cause shenanigans at the next office Secret Santa).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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1. THE CANDY CANE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I don\u2019t mean the generic boxes of tiny treats that stay long after Christmas, I mean THE candy cane<\/a><\/strong> \u2013 the one that has made it to nearly every \u201cstrange sex toy\u201d list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The funny thing is, it doesn\u2019t look like that<\/em> bad of a toy (at least compared to all the craziness out there). It looks fairly well made and there are no luster paints. So, this mild end of the sex-toy-scale might actually be an acceptable gift.<\/p>\n\n\n

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2. DIRTY DECORATIONS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In the world of sex toys, nothing is off limits \u2013 just look at the baby Jesus butt plug. So, it shouldn\u2019t be a surprise that there are naughty tree ornaments<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This one is a disturbingly happy Santa. The look the gave him is SO happy \u2026 I\u2019m wondering if it\u2019s not just Christmas that comes just once a year. The bad news? I couldn\u2019t find the link for the actual store. The good news? Our old friend Esty comes to the rescue!<\/p>\n\n\n

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3. DEPARTED JINGLE BALLS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This cock ring<\/strong> is another that\u2019s made its way around the internet \u2013 and the Out of Stock signs on every store is either because they were sold out, the seller doesn\u2019t bother anymore, or they couldn\u2019t handle all the \u201cpress\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, it\u2019s amusing to imagine this toy ringing on your ding-a-ling while you partake in some Christmas cheer. I\u2019m also wondering if the bell edges are sharp.<\/p>\n\n\n

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4. DICK LIPSTICK<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Yep\u2026 REALLY \u2026 it\u2019s lipstick in the shape of a penis<\/strong>. It gives a whole new meaning to the term \u201cstocking stuffers\u201d, AND it comes in a surprisingly impressive array of shades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amazon reviews have been greatly positive and back up the idea that it\u2019s a fantastic conversation piece (imagine whipping it out during your next girl\u2019s night). Remember, if you want a specific shade, you have to tell them \u2013 otherwise it random.<\/p>\n\n\n

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5. NAUGHTY SOAP RING<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This one SCREAMS \u201cperfect gag gift \u2026 that might not end up a gag\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a simple soap ring for your ding-dong, but with clever wording like \u201cpolish the North Pole\u201d, \u201cJollies all around\u201d, and \u201cYou can\u2019t keep a good Elf down\u201d, it\u2019s shoved into the holiday zone. Enjoy lathering up!<\/p>\n\n\n

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6. ELF VIBRATOR<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Again, this shouldn\u2019t be a surprise when there are chicken bullet vibrators, corn on the cob dildos, and Japanese uncle sex toys. Still, we love the Christmas theme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I don\u2019t love is the look on the elf\u2019s face. It\u2019s a confusing array of emotions mixed with a nearly crossed-eyed, frowning expression. Like your vagoo is too tight and he\u2019s feeling the squeeze.  However, if you can get your hands on one, do it! This vibrator goes in and out of stock like mad.<\/p>\n\n\n

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7. FRUITCAKE NIPPLES<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This list wouldn\u2019t be complete without something that looked like your auntie\u2019s attempt at DIY adult accessories. But the best part? They not! They\u2019re totally a mass-produced product on Amazon<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are a ton of nipple pasties out there, but this one caught my eye because of the brown sequins. Yep! We go from felt to tacky sparkles faster than you can say reindeer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s also the craziest choice to go for the one food that most people hate.<\/p>\n\n\n

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8. WILLY WARMER<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s Grandma\u2019s crochet!! Finally. Life would not be complete without a knitted wool product to go with your ugly Christmas sweater. Dress your dong up like a December tree and spread the cheer (I just hope it\u2019s not itchy).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As if things weren\u2019t fantastic already, this Etsy artist does custom jobs! You\u2019ll be able to sport a different willy warmer<\/strong> for every holiday (including Canada Day).<\/p>\n\n\n

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9. TREE PLUG<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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From the makers that brought you the Elf dildo \u2026 we now have this \u201cgem\u201d<\/strong>. I can get behind the idea of a dildo wand, but what makes my face pucker is that they also advertise it as a butt plug \u2013 which is BAD and DANGEROUS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Butt plugs need to have a base that\u2019s flared wider than the toy, so things don\u2019t get lost up the bum. So, if you get this gag gift, make sure they know it\u2019s not for the butt.<\/p>\n\n\n

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10. REINDEER THONG<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Oh man-kinis<\/strong>, how we love you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was also hard to choose just one<\/em> (because there are SO many out there), but this one is disturbing enough even without the G-string aspect \u2013 imagine its googly eye bouncing around as he struts his stuff. Sadly, the musical version isn\u2019t available. BUT, you can still find candy canes, elves, Santa hats wreaths, and ugly Christmas sweater for your penis.<\/p>\n\n\n

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Also, if you want more fun articles, you might like these…<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n