{"id":314,"date":"2018-08-02T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-08-02T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/bdsm-collars"},"modified":"2018-08-02T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2018-08-02T00:00:00","slug":"bdsm-collars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/kink-bdsm\/bdsm-collars","title":{"rendered":"BDSM Collars – Learn About This Important Kink Accessory"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The concept of collars is common enough as an accessory (ask any fashionista, trend enthusiast, or goth girl\/boy). You probably also imagine puppies on leashes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then there are BDSM collars. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you\u2019re probably picturing someone in a spiked, leather collar being dragged around by a stern Mistress or Master.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what if I told you that the collar can be as serious as an engagement or wedding ring? And what if I told you that you\u2019ve probably seen one and didn\u2019t even realize it<\/strong>. Let\u2019s say as a watch or a toe ring?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read on to find out more\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WHAT’S OUT THERE?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Materials and designs vary greatly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They can be anything … leather, metal, chain, ribbon, plastic, foam covered in fake leather, lace <\/em>\u2026 the list goes on. It also get\u2019s more varied when you get into subtle\/day collars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WHAT ARE THEY USED FOR?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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IMPROVING POSTURE<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 Meant to enhance a submissive\u2019s posture or stance by keeping their chin up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

KINK PLAY<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 Used for role play, puppy\/kitten play (complete with pet name tags), BDSM fashion accessories etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHOWING POSSESSION<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 In some circles, a collar shows that a Dom is in (consensual) \u201cownership\u201d of their slave\/sub and different interaction etiquette is required if you wish to interact with them. (more on that later)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DISCREET\/DAY WEAR<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 Some people opt for other forms of socially acceptable jewelry to represent their at-home collar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WHAT STYLES ARE THERE?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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DOG COLLARS<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 The most common type you\u2019ll see. Often made from leather, sometimes with metal hardware (spikes, studs, loops etc) but there are also the nylon ones you can literally buy from a pet store. They can be thin and delicate with rhinestones and ruffles or large and intimidating \u2026 and everything in between.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

TOY HYBRIDS<\/strong> <\/span>\u2013 You\u2019ll see the occasional collar that doubles as either a ball gag, O-ring gag, or medium for attaching other kink gear like floggers, cuffs, nose hooks, or other restraints like T<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ETERNITY COLLARS<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 They\u2019re called \u201ceternity\u201d because, when fixed together, there\u2019s no obvious clasp or attachment \u2013 they look like a solid steel ring around your neck. Quite lovely and passable for day wear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCOLLAR\u201d COLLARS<\/strong> <\/span>\u2013 Instead of a loop, the neck piece looks like you cut the collar of a shirt and attached a ring and leash. Tres chic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JEWELRY<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 These are a bit harder to classify because they are a diverse as any regular necklace. However, I wouldn\u2019t classify them as normal necklaces (which would be \u201cday wear\u201d) rather a necklace with heavy BDSM or kink influences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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THE SIGNIFICANCE OF COLLARS IN BDSM<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The world of kink is diverse<\/strong>, so it shouldn\u2019t be a surprise that there are many different interpretations of what a collar \u201cshould be\u201d.<\/strong> Someone might see it as a simple accessory to enhance their play, while others see it as far more serious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The last idea is the most complicated, so let\u2019s take a closer look\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a serious Dom\/sub relationship, collars are used to show different levels of their ownership, training, and dedication.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. PROTECTION COLLAR<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 Usually reserved for when a Dom and sub go out to a kink event \u2013 like a dungeon, sex party, whatever. It\u2019s a signal that the sub isn\u2019t \u201cowned\u201d but still under the care and protection of their Dom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ADDITION<\/strong> \u2013 This isn\u2019t really a \u201cgenre\u201d necessarily, but I read about one slave that has a collar she wears because the Dom enjoyed choking but didn\u2019t want to cause harm to his sub. So, he had her wear a thick, metal collar that will withstand any amount of pressure while keeping her neck safe. This would technically be a different kind of protection collar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. CONSIDERATION COLLAR<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 It\u2019s the next level of the D\/s dynamic. It represents the sub taking their first step into consideration for a serious or long-term contract\/relationship. Think of it as \u201ctesting out the water.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. TRAINING COLLAR<\/strong> <\/span>\u2013 This means the sub has begun their formal training with their Dom. This might not be a \u201ctop level\u201d collar but it\u2019s a level that should still be taken seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both parties take this time to demonstrate their dedication to the pairing. Some might take this to be like an engagement ring, while others do not (it\u2019s a personal choice).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. FORMAL COLLAR<\/strong><\/span> \u2013 This is the BDSM equivalent of a wedding ring. These can take years to earn \u2013 for the slave to show their dedication, growth, and successful training and the Dom to show their worth and healthy SSSC behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a commitment to a long-term relationship and often comes with a \u201ccollaring ceremony\u201d \u2013 like a wedding party and reception. This final collar can be anything from traditional leather to a wristwatch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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COLLAR ETIQUETTE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If you\u2019re new to the kink scene and plan on interacting with Doms and subs, know that it\u2019s a rule that you never interact with an owned sub without their Dom\u2019s permission.<\/strong> It can be hard to spot sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In general, if you\u2019re not sure, Dom\u2019s usually stick close to their subs while at a party. The power dynamic will also be pretty easy to spot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHi there. Mind if I join you guys?\u201d or \u201cHi. I\u2019d like to hang out here and chat with you guys. Is that okay?\u201d (or whatever variant you want)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If, for some reason, someone is on their own you can ask, \u201cAre you with a Dom tonight. May I talk to you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve heard some clubs insist on \u201cmaking eye contact first<\/em>\u201d. But. in a large party, it\u2019s hard not<\/em> to meet someone\u2019s eye \u2013 you have to make the eye contact obvious<\/em>. After, if they ignore you, it shows they\u2019re not interested \u2013 don\u2019t take it personally, there are a million reasons people say no, and not all of them about you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, if they seem open to being approached, politely join them and engage in some chit-chat (don\u2019t just come out and ask to have sex with one of them \u2013 even in BDSM parties it\u2019s too forward).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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EXPLAIN THIS DAY WEAR ALREADY<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not everyone can be “out and proud” about their kink \u2013 for fear of retribution, being fired, physical harm from non-kinksters, and (at minimum) high levels of judgment and negativity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because of this, those who participate in a serious D\/s pairing (and the sub is required to wear a collar \u201cat all times\u201d) understand the need for anonymity and safety in their sub\u2019s daily life<\/strong> and will opt for something more symbolic than literal.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This can be a regular bracelet, simple necklace, anklet, wristwatch, cuff links, toe ring, body piercing, hidden tattoo, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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HOW TO FIT A COLLAR<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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First, forget this \u201cone size fits all\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s also debate around the \u201cstick two fingers between the neck and the collar\u201d.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, the \u201cfinger\u201d thing is only if you want your collar to fit \u201csnug\u201d (collars should never be tight!) Second, how loose things fit is totally up to you \u2013 it can be a dangling necklace if you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, if you do choose to go for something on the snug side, custom-made, or non-adjustable (like an eternity ring), make sure you use a soft measuring tape to get the circumference of your neck. And add a centimeter or two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Newbies should try the velcro options to start with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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KEEP YOUR COLLAR CLEAN!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It goes without saying but remember to take good care of your collar \u2013 especially if you\u2019ve spent a lot of money on it. Leather, in particular, is a bit tricky. And make sure you get on all those nooks and crannies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Learn more about leather care here\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

20+ Tips on How to Clean Leather – Keep Your BDSM Gear Shinning<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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ALLERGY ALERT<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Some cheap collars use cheap metals \u2013 often nickel<\/strong>. If you think you have a nickel allergy, go from something in the stainless steel, 24k gold, platinum, or titanium <\/em>department.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avoid \u201cgold plated\u201d because the finish will eventually wear away and you won\u2019t know what the underlying materials are. AND, don\u2019t get \u201cwhite gold\u201d \u2013 it\u2019s gold with lots of nickel added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NOTE:<\/strong> <\/span>If you\u2019re not sure, go to your doctor, they can do an allergy test.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cI HATE THE IDEA OF OWNERSHIP\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s understandable how those on the outside might end up with their backs raised when they hear the word \u201cslave\u201d. With the treatment of women throughout history as well as certain races, nationalities, or even religions, the concept of slavery and punishment are dark, unpleasant topics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The concept of \u201cslavery\u201d in BDSM is not in the same wheelhouse as historical or current atrocities. Not even close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BDSM and kinksters should always abide by the SSSC rule <\/strong>\u2013 Safe, Sane, Sober, Consensual.<\/em> It\u2019s also important to point out that much of the media depicts women as the submissive. What you might not realize is there are a great number of men<\/em> who enjoy being submissive as well (whether to male or female owners). Aka. men like to wear collars too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then there\u2019s the Dom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone tends to forget that the Dom is also under the relationship microscope.<\/strong> If a slave feels that a Dom\u2019s behavior isn\u2019t healthy, lacks respect, or doesn\u2019t \u201cfit\u201d on a fundamental level, then he\/she is within their rights to leave. They haven\u2019t earned the right to put that collar on their partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Period.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No Dom is allowed to \u201ckeep\u201d their sub, if that sub really<\/em> doesn\u2019t want to be with them anymore (even with these \u201clife contracts\u201d that are solely symbolic and not legal). If they try to make them stay through physical, mental, or emotions means, it\u2019s no longer BDSM and that person is an abuser \u2013 a rotten apple that thinks they\u2019re kinky and uses kink as an excuse for their behavior, but really … they’re just a piece of garbage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The final thing to keep in mind. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to practice it. Everyone is free to embrace or avoid any kink they wish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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SAFETY WITH COLLARS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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