{"id":245,"date":"2017-09-07T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-07T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/sex-after-divorce"},"modified":"2017-09-07T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-07T00:00:00","slug":"sex-after-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/sex-passion\/sex-after-divorce","title":{"rendered":"Sex After Divorce &#8211; 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>You would think that the freedom after divorce would open the floodgates for your sexuality \u2013 wave after wave of booze, beds, and boinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Well, not really \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>99% of the time, it has the <em>opposite<\/em> effect. It kicks your libido right in the nuts then points at it and laughs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why does this happen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#d70072\"><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>#1. YOUR SHITTY FRIEND, MR. STRESS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Even as \u201cfriendly\u201d as my divorce was (I can&#8217;t imagine what things would be like going through a nasty one), it was still a life event that inevitably brought on a crap <strong>ton of anxiety. <\/strong>It was the process of separating two lives that had existed as <em>one<\/em> since university.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The bodily chemicals being dumped into my system on a daily basis <strong><u>left no room for a sex drive.<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>AND you\u2019ll hear <u><strong>all the frigging advice in the WORLD<\/strong><\/u> about how to deal with it \u2013 eat better, exercise more, go out with trusted friends, get a dog, buy a new wardrobe, go on vacation, fuck around until your genitals fall off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Everyone <\/em>becomes a specialist \u2026 and you \u201chave an issue\u201d or \u201caren\u2019t dealing with it properly\u201d if you don\u2019t follow their advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What <em>they <\/em>don&#8217;t realize is that they&#8217;re often ADDING to your problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And, unless they\u2019ve gone through something similar before, they just won&#8217;t understand that all the spinning classes and organic vegan dishes in the world aren\u2019t going to combat the long, arduous journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#d70072\"><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>#2. YOUR NEW IDENTITY<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019ve lived as \u201cso-and-so\u2019s partner\u201d for a while, part of you only knows yourself as half of the relationship puzzle<em>. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can have as much personal space as you want, but you still end up adapting or changing something about who you are, how you react, or what you do (the motivations being irrelevant) to be in that pairing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then, all of a sudden\u2026You\u2019re just <em>you<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you react to certain situations because it\u2019s how YOU react? Or is it something you\u2019ve grown accustomed to because you had to compromise in the relationship?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you really <em>want <\/em>to do something because you like it? Or are you just used to it because it was for your partner\u2019s happiness (and they have equally done the same for you)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Things like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether it\u2019s healthy or not depends on you and your partner, but finding out who <u><strong>you<\/strong><\/u> are after all these years is NOT an easy thing to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The foods you eat, social events, friendships, personal schedule, it all changes<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And this includes<span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"> <strong>finding out you are as an independent, sexual being.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This kind of personal crisis and exploration is a huge thing to undertake. It\u2019s stressful (which brings us back to #1).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it also takes us to #3\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#d70072\"><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>#3. YOU HAVE TO LEARN SEX AGAIN<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>You have sex with someone for years and it becomes a \u201ccertain\u201d way. You do things with and to each other \u201cthis way\u201d or \u201cthat way\u201d because you know they like it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But now, if you want to get into the game again, <strong>you\u2019re left wondering if you know how to do it with anyone else anymore.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You feel like a clumsy, awkward newbie \u2013 and it scares the shit out of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><em>\u201cAm I doing it right?\u201d<\/em><\/li><li><em>\u201cThey don\u2019t look like they\u2019re enjoying it.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li><em>\u201cOh, god, he\/she is going to complain to his\/her friends how bad I am.\u201d<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>The list goes on and on. You worry, you tense, and that just makes things worse. And it doesn\u2019t go away after\u00a0one partner or a couple of romps in someone else\u2019s bedsheets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#d70072\"><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>#4. YOUR OVERALL CONFIDENCE SUCKS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>More often than not, your confidence will go into the toilet. Society labels divorce as a <strong><em>failure<\/em><\/strong> (which is bullshit btw).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might also run into these damaging little nuggets:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You could have done more<\/li><li>You gave up too quickly<\/li><li>You could have fought harder<\/li><li>You are at just as much fault as the other person<\/li><li>You don\u2019t know what a real marriage is<\/li><li>You are hurting people around you<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I even had a friend who said she was \u201cdisappointed in me\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WTF.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Someone who knew <em>next to nothing<\/em> about my relationship in <em>any <\/em>kind of depth (let alone its trials and tribulations over YEARS) had the gall to talk to me like a parent whose kid got a D in school because they were slacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Granted, things are much better than they used to be (when divorce was still the ultimate trespass in a relationship). Now, there are endless support groups, targeted therapy, and even divorce parties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, there are <em>still<\/em> archaic societal and religious notions about what marriage is (and what it means if things end) and you end up with an environment that isn\u2019t as supportive as it should be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Picking up the pieces of your dynamic personality and gaining self-confidence is a challenge in general but even harder post-divorce. This makes even something as simple as holding hands feel harder than it really is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#d70072\"><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Take all these points, and it&#8217;s no wonder our libido crawls into a hole and dies.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The good news&nbsp;is that there are solutions &#8211; they&#8217;re not copy\/paste solutions for everything and everybody, but they&#8217;re worth looking at&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>EXERCISE <\/strong><\/span>&#8211; I mentioned this earlier. <em>If&nbsp;<\/em>you can manage to be more active, it&#8217;s always good for your body <strong>(but don&#8217;t push yourself if you can&#8217;t)<\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>THERAPY <\/strong><\/span>&#8211; This can help A LOT &#8211;&nbsp; I can&#8217;t stress it enough. Whether Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or seeing a traditional Psychologist, talking to something will help.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>HEALTHY CONNECTIONS<\/strong><\/span> &#8211; This means the truly supportive friends and family that you can turn to. Granted, each person is responsible for their own happiness and confidence, but a network of support is vital.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>TAKE YOUR TIME<\/strong><\/span> &#8211; Allow yourself time to heal and don&#8217;t push for a quick recovery just &#8220;prove&#8221; your strong on your own.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>So, there you have it &#8211; the big A-holes that are going to try to ruin your sex drive after divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And, my lovelies, if any of you are going through this right now, you have my hugs and love. I\u2019ll also end on a positive note (albeit a said-to-death one)\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>ALL<\/strong> of these obstacles are possible to overcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>It WILL get better.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hang in there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:21px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-white-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-background-color has-text-color has-background\">Anything you want to add? Share in the comments!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You would think that the freedom after divorce would open the floodgates for your sexuality \u2013 wave after wave of booze, beds, and boinking. Well,&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3519,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[432,453,7],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-intimate-relationship","category-sex-life","category-sex-passion","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Sex After Divorce - 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido - Lovense Sex Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/sex-passion\/sex-after-divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sex After Divorce - 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido - Lovense Sex Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You would think that the freedom after divorce would open the floodgates for your sexuality \u2013 wave after wave of booze, beds, and boinking. 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