{"id":180,"date":"2017-01-17T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-01-17T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.lovenselife.com\/uncategorized\/what-is-a-safe-word"},"modified":"2017-01-17T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-01-17T00:00:00","slug":"what-is-a-safe-word","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/sex-blog\/kink-bdsm\/what-is-a-safe-word","title":{"rendered":"What is a Safe Word? Learn the Basics of Kink Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re going to get into any sort of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/bdsm-blog\/what-is-bdsm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">BDSM or general kink<\/a> (anything from a simple blindfold to full-on leather, whips, and chains), it\u2019s ESSENTIAL that you, and whoever you play with, have a safe word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It can be <strong>anything<\/strong> that\u2019s short easy to remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\">EXAMPLES:<\/span> Red, Pineapple, Washington, Red Sox, Apple.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019re probably thinking, \u201cDuh! Why don\u2019t you just say STOP or NO?\u201d &nbsp;In fact, you\u2019ll find articles where the writer is against the idea of anything other than regular words to communicate the submissive wants\/needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Well&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px;\"><strong>DEFINITION:&nbsp;<\/strong><\/span><\/span><span style=\"font-size: 20px;\"><strong>A safe word is a CLEAR signal for the Dominant or Top to alter, slow, or cease play.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the essence of this definition, you can say <em>Stop\/No<\/em>. There\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> wrong with it, and it\u2019s a completely valid <em>choice<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re only playing with one person, (or a very small selection of people that you know quite well), and all parties agree and are comfortable with the idea, then go for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>HOWEVER<\/strong> &#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>What if part of your fantasy is saying \u201c<em>stop\u201d<\/em>, but having the person continue? <\/strong><\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>In this case, you NEED a word that communicates to your partner there is a problem or play must really cease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>What if a new play partner has their own safe&nbsp;word? <\/strong><\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>These signals aren\u2019t just for the <em>submissive<\/em>, they are for the <em>Dominant\u2019s comfort<\/em> as well. Respect and consideration go both ways. So, if someone wants an unusual word, go with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>What if you go to a BDSM club?<\/strong><\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>These places will definitely make sure you have\/use one. If someone went in and said, \u201cF-you, I don\u2019t think I need one.\u201d They would never get an invite again \u2026 to anywhere probably. Groups are tight-knit, responsible players take the SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) rule very seriously, and word can travel fast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>MORE REASONS YOU NEED ONE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Safety is the key aspect of a Dominant\u2019s responsibilities. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If play gets intense (with body chemicals and subspace etc.), some submissives become incapable of stringing together a simple string of syllables an infant could master.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So yes, the safe word <em>pterodactyl <\/em>will do f-all, aside from leaving your Dominant wondering if you\u2019ve developed a stutter or are having a stroke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might have to touch them, coax them out of their heightened state, talk to them, even stop play all together. But, in my opinion, if play is getting THAT deep, why not err on the side of caution and include a safe word JUST IN CASE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I would have far more respect for a Dominant who chose to have one rather than not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact, there would be nothing but alarms and red flags for any individual (Dom or sub) who said, \u201cI don\u2019t bother with them, because\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px;\"><strong>It can also include body language&#8230;<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If the bottom is wearing a mouth gag (or anything that restricts verbal communication), then a <strong>non-verbal signal<\/strong> is needed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>EXAMPLE:<\/strong><\/span><em> Dropping something, tapping out<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>It\u2019s like a Safety Toolbox for BDSM:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>An agreed-upon length of time to play<\/li><li>A clear understating of the rules and risks<\/li><li>An observant Dom who watched their sub closely<\/li><li>Practice and control over whatever play-items will be used<\/li><li>Corresponding precautions or tools for whatever your scene needs<\/li><li><strong>A verbal safe word<\/strong><\/li><li><strong>A non-verbal safe signal<\/strong><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Another common example is the traffic light system.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"color: #27ae60;\"><strong>Green <\/strong><\/span>= Give me more!<\/li><li><span style=\"color: #ffcc66;\"><strong>Yellow <\/strong><\/span>= I\u2019m nearing my limits<\/li><li><span style=\"color: #e74c3c;\"><strong>Red <\/strong><\/span>= Stop everything, there is a problem<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Other examples include different kinds of fruits, places, \u201cmercy\u201d, \u201csafe\u201d, and \u201chalt\u201d etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\">CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>You might hear the term \u201cConsensual Non-consent\u201d thrown around as well. It can be a bit confusing because there are two possible meanings&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1. Ravagement <\/strong>&#8211; A scene where you say &#8220;no&#8221; or &#8220;stop&#8221;, but your partner doesn&#8217;t stop (unless there is an actual safety word).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. Total Power Exchange <\/strong>&#8211; A D\/s relationship where the sub gives up ALL rights\/control (including the use of a safe word).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It basically means the submissive consensually gives up everything during play (or everyday life if it\u2019s a 24\/7 relationship) and allows the dominant to make ALL the calls (as opposed to the submissive having the ultimate power to stop things).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While &#8220;ravagement&#8221; is more common than you think, Total power exchange might raise some red flags to some players. Because, while this particular style of play might work for a VERY small, select group of people<span style=\"color: #ff0099;\">,<strong>&nbsp;it\u2019s a very controversial idea within the BDSM community.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People are obviously free to do as they wish, but I recommend 99% of people to stay away from total power exchange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It would take YEARS of living a BDSM lifestyle, plus the absolute certainty of knowing what you are and what you want, PLUS the most responsible, caring Dom on the face of the earth that you can trust to the end of the universe and back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That combination is as rare as finding a unicorn slouched across your sofa, watching Sunday morning cartoons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 26px;\"><strong>OTHER PLACES YOU SEE SAFE WORDS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s an interesting vanilla-version you can find in bars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If a woman is having trouble with someone who is acting aggressive, can\u2019t take no for an answer, or behaving in any way that makes her feel uncomfortable, she can go to a bar and order an \u201cAngel\u201d or sometimes ask for \u201cAngela\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are other variations here and there, but it\u2019s a clear signal to the bar worker that the woman needs help and (very often) needs to escape to a taxi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes down to it, better to be safe and feel silly than sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>There you go, all the basics you need to know about Safe Words. I hope it helped!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 18px;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0099;\"><strong>Also, if you liked this article, you might want to check out these:<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"font-size: 16px;\"><a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/bdsm-blog\/good-safe-words\" target=\"_blank\">Good Safe Word and Uses in Media<\/a><\/span><\/li><li><span style=\"font-size: 16px;\"><a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lovense.com\/bdsm-blog\/bdsm-contract\" target=\"_blank\">Kink Communication &#8211; Learn About BDSM Contracts<\/a><\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-white-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-background-color has-text-color has-background\"><em>What are some safe words you use? Share in the comments!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re going to get into any sort of BDSM or general kink (anything from a simple blindfold to full-on leather, whips, and chains), it\u2019s&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3646,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[14,52,53],"class_list":["post-180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kink-bdsm","tag-bdsm","tag-kink","tag-safety"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What is a Safe Word? 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