Advice is ever-changing, which is why we are still kicking the dead horse about female sex myths.
As we learn more things about our bodies (which, let’s face it, we still don’t know everything about), there will be certain tidbits that people might have thought to be true at one point, but now we know it’s just hogwash. So, here are some sex myths that you might have heard before or are completely new to you.
1. ORGASMS COME FROM VAGINAL INTERCOURSE
Ugh. Why won’t this myth just die already? The problem is media shows most female orgasms coming from intercourse. The problem is a huge chunk of girls (around 70%) will get most of their happy-Os from clitoral stimulation.
That’s why it’s a good idea to give her at least one orgasm that way before diving in for any male pleasure.
2. IF SHE DOESN’T ORGASM, YOU’RE BAD IN BED
While this can sometimes be true, it’s not the only culprit. There are many reasons why someone (man or woman) can’t reach the finish line.
There’s stress, medication, issues with body image, and so much more.
It can all coil together to put a stopper on things. A girl needs to feel safe and relaxed for fireworks to go off. This doesn’t necessarily mean that trust needs to come from a dedicated partner. But if there are misgivings, her mind will be on that instead.
3. BEING WET IS A FEMALE BONER
While being wet is important if you want to play down there, it doesn’t mean that dryness is directly connected to a pleasure factor. It’s the same as orgasms – they can be hindered by many things. Medication or age can make things a bit dry, and that’s okay! Just grab some lube and the problem is solved!
4. WOMEN DON’T WANT SEX AS MUCH AS MEN
I would group this in with some other myths…
- Women don’t want as much sex after they’re in a relationship
- They are as sexually adventurous
- Women aren’t as sexually “visual” as men
Blah, blah, blah. These are so not true. Sex-ruts can happen even when you’re single. Being adventurous isn’t tied to gender. Women like porn. I could go on, but you get the idea.
5. WOMEN PEAK IN THEIR 30S
This one came from the Kinsey study done in the ‘60s. The problem is the data was taken from 20-somethings and 30-somethings. No one over 40 was included. There is actually no “peak” age because there are countless variables that factor into someone’s libido, sexuality, sensuality, etc.
A recent study published in the Journal of American Medical Association analyzed the sexual lives of over 600 women ages 40 to 65 for eight years and found that women who have positive attitudes about sex are three times more likely to stay pleasurably sexually active than other women.
6. THERE’S A 10-YEAR DIFFERENCE IN PEAKS
While men’s testosterone peaks at around age 18, and women’s estrogen levels peak in their mid-20s, this has led people to believe that there’s a 10-year sexual peak difference – and therefore the difference in when women vs men want a lot of sex.
But whether you want a lot of sex or not isn’t tied to your age. There are countless factors that tie into libido – like illness, medication, stress, etc. Also, during a woman’s life peaks go up and down. Same for men. AKA, you’ll have many throughout your life.
7. THE FIRST TIME IS PAINFUL
Sometimes it can be. But a woman’s first time is unique to her. It comes down to if she’s properly lubricated, if the lover is gentle and careful, the shape of her hymen, her pain threshold, how she views sex, the position she’s in, etc.
8. THEY ARE NOT “VISUALLY” STIMULATED LIKE MEN
There’s the myth that men are visual creatures. But new research shows that women might be just as visually stimulated. I mean, ask any woman her reaction when she sees a hot celebrity she would like to jump on – there’s plenty going on with the eyes.
What Do Women Want: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, by Daniel Bergner by Bergner’s found that women’s eyes linger on erotic imagery just as much as men’s do. Another report found that one in three porn users was female.
9. SPONTANEOUS SEX IS BEST
While amazing, at-that-moment sex can happen, it’s not something that will happen that often.
In fact, the perfect storm of circumstances for both partners to be in the mood to rip each other’s clothes off is rare enough that relying on that as the sole spark for sexual encounters can be unhealthy. Couples can end up in ruts and women will often blame themselves (or even the other side blames them) for not being in the right mood often enough; that something is “wrong” with them.
The truth is, people need to communicate and nurture their sex lives. They need to dedicate time to intimacy.
10. THEY LOSE INTEREST IN SEX AFTER MARRIAGE
This sex myth comes from looking at a certain problem through an uninformed lens.
The first facet is actually linked to myth #9 – that sex needs to be spontaneous (which we know now is false). Next, we add another layer of possibly having children. And anyone with kids knows that they require a truckload of your energy. Finally, if the relationship is lopsided, with one side not taking on an equal amount of the responsibilities (including housework, etc.), there can be a fair amount of resentment build up. All this can add up to a reduced sex life or a complete stop to it.
It’s not the marriage that killed sex, it’s the relationship breaking down – from communication to equal participation. Or, in a very blunt way … If a woman gets married and ends up being treated like a maid, babysitter, assistant, and chauffeur, and then is expected to drop everything and have sex when the other person is feeling frisky, well, it’s not the ring that’s the problem.
11. WOMEN ARE LESS SEXUALLY ADVENTUROUS
Some women aren’t into adventurous sex stuff. Then again, some men aren’t either. But it’s women that have had more negative reinforcement towards being sexual in non-traditional ways. We don’t have to go into detail to know what women are expected to look like but then the reactions they get when they do. Or what older generations were expected to act like.
There’s just so much garbage in the past to break free of. The truth is, many women are sexually adventurous.
12. YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT DURING YOUR PERIOD
YES, YOU CAN! It might be harder than during ovulation, but there’s still a chance.
For most women, a single menstrual cycle lasts about 28 days and only about ~5 of those days are taken up by their period. During this short window of bleeding, the unfertilized eggs, or “ovules,” and uterine lining are eliminated. But before a period starts, women experience ovulation, a 12-16 day window when a mature egg is released from the ovary.
Thesource.org
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Some women have shorter menstrual cycles, which means that their ovulation stage also happens earlier. That, coupled with the fact that sperm can live inside the human body for up to 5 days, means that if the timing is right, sperm could live inside the female body for just long enough to survive the period and fertilize an egg.
Oh, and speaking of pregnancy, having sex to make a woman go into labor is also FALSE. It can actually delay it!
13. WOMEN TAKE LONGER TO GET TURNED ON
According to a 2007 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, this isn’t actually true.
The researchers used thermal imaging to measure blood flow to the genitals in a group of 28 men and 30 women who viewed videos that were either neutral, humorous, or erotic.
Thehealthy.com
It turns out the peak arousal time was the same for both men and women. So, if she’s not getting turned on, maybe try something different. Since there are so many ways, you’re sure to find one that works. One nice jumpstarter is to use a sex toy are part of foreplay.
14. THEIR VAGINA REVEALS HOW MANY PARTNERS
Starting with the concept of “the cherry” as a sign of a woman’s virginity, it’s not some bulbous cap over the entrance of the vagina. There is no pop. Ugh. Think of it more like a scrunchie around the opening – which can vary from person to person. Next, the idea of a stretched hoo-haw revealing that a woman has had many partners is also very false.
The vagina is made to stretch (how do you think babies come out). It’s also meant to go back to its normal size. How tight or loose that is depends entirely on her genetics. *mic drop*
Anything else you want to add? Any sex myths you want to bust? Share in the comments!
