The last few decades, sexuality has taken another enormous leap into the spotlight.
Aside from old conceptions and discrimination, there are also a lot of myths and misinformation floating around. And let’s be fair, sometimes it’s hard for people to keep up with the evolving terminology.
Today, we are going to look at some common myths about asexuality…
First, the definition – An asexual person does not feel sexual attraction to anyone. That’s it. Simple.
IT’S A CHOICE
There’s a big difference between choosing something and being oriented toward something. Think of it like choosing to turn your car left and the needle of a compass naturally pointing north. Asexuals do not “choose” their sexuality. It’s simply part of them.
THEY HAVE A DISORDER
Many things from being gay to loving BDSM have been lumped into “you have a mental problem if you’re like this” category.
THEY ARE TRAUMATIZED
It might be easy to think that someone is avoiding sex because they’re scared of something. It’s easier for some tiny brains to process. However, a large majority of people have NOT experienced a trauma in their past. There’s no repression or avoidance.
THEY ARE JUST CELIBATE
This comes back to the “choice vs orientation” conversation. Being celibate is a choice to not have intercourse. Abstaining means you’re waiting. These are not the same things.
THEY HATE SEX
No. They just don’t feel sexual attraction.
THEY AREN’T AFFECTIONATE
Quite the contrary. Romantic orientation is different from sexual orientation. Imagine wanting to have sex with bad boys but not wanting to fall in love with them – sorry, I know it’s not the best example, but it’s easier to use common analogies.
You can love someone but not want to get freaky with them. As a side note, the word you’re looking for (if someone doesn’t have interest in romantic relationships) is “Aromantic” – not to be confused with “aromatic”. Heehee.
THEY DON’T MASTURBATE
Their genitals aren’t broken. An asexual can touch themselves and have an orgasm – and orgasms can feel good. Some might partake, some might not. It can be to relief stress or just for the pleasure.
For example, most people can understand the difference between just wanting a personal orgasm instead of getting one through human contact. These things can be separate.
GOOD SEX WILL “FIX” THEM
I might not be asexual, but even I loathe this one. It’s like saying, “All she needs is a good dick.” Things are not “fixed” by anyone’s penis or vagina. To think otherwise can be damaging. Besides our “A” friends don’t need fixing, because there is nothing wrong with them.
THEY ARE LONELY AND UNFULFILLED
It’s quite possible to have a loving and fulfilling relationship without sexual desire or contact. You can adore someone without wanting to bump uglies.
EVERYONE FEELS LIKE THAT SOMETIMES
Gack. Careful with this one (well, careful with all of them), but this ranks in the top 5 of many Aces. Having a dry spell or a low libido is not even on the same continent of comparisons.
IT’S A PHASE THAT WILL PASS
See point #1.
THEY ARE ALL VIRGINS
Let’s look at this from another angle. Let’s say you’re definitely heterosexual. You a boy that likes girls or a girl that likes boys – “having your V-card punched” (read that from one woman’s post and I had to find a way to use that saying somehow in real life) isn’t connected with sexual attraction. Some might be virgins, some might not.
IT’S THE SAME AS TRANSSEXUAL OR TRANSGENDER
Gender is different from orientation. An Ace can be cis, trans, agendered, fluid, or whatever.
THEY DON’T NEED TO COME OUT
In this world of harsh judgment, closed minds, old thinking, and heavy misinformation, it can be very difficult for someone to declare they are an Ace. Our world is so sex-centered (hell, even my income comes from writing a sex blog, for heaven’s sake) there is a “coming out” conversation or announcement that some might have to go through. It can be tough.
ASEXUALS DON’T EXIST
After all of this, I think it’s safe to say … yes they do.
What other ACE myths or misconceptions drive you nuts?