Hey there, all you adventurous readers! You’ve landed on this page because you’re curious about beginner’s anal play. First, congrats! You’re tiptoeing into a whole new world of yummy delights and we’re here to help. In this article, you find all the details you could possibly need for a pleasurable and pain-free experience.
We’ll cover what steps you need to take to prepare, what lubes work for what situation, common problems, useful sex toy additions, etc. However, keep in mind that this isn’t geared towards how to have anal sex. There is a different guide (which you can find here). Instead, you’ll get advice that will help you get over the initial hump (pun intended) – even if you want to play solo!
The list is insanely detailed, so grab a cup of your favorite beverage and get comfortable.
Table of Contents
- Why Anal Play is Pleasurable
- Worries & Problems That Get in The Way
- How To Start Anal Play
- LOTS of Lube is Your Best Friend
- Beginner’s Play Tips & Tactics
- Gentlemen, Find Your P-Spot
- How Sex Toys Can Help
- All Your Anal Toy Options
- Safe Anal Sex Toy Materials
- How to Clean and Care for Your Bum Buddies
- Guide to Anal Play – Other Useful Tips
- Beginner’s Anal Sex FAQs
- Want More Helpful Articles Like This?
Why Anal Play is Pleasurable
Anal play can be very pleasurable. And no matter what gender/sex you are, the geography of your backdoor button is the same. Every adult has a pile of nerve endings in this area. This makes it a possible “sex organ” if you can find your way in there.
To quote an article from the National Library of Medicine, “The geography of the anus makes it a highly pleasurable sex organ: it contains a dense network of sensory nerves that participate with the genitals in the engorgement, muscular tension, and contractions of sexual arousal and orgasm.”
This makes total sense because all your other fun bits around around the same area. And, if you’ve already tried, but only felt pain, then vital steps were skipped.
Worries & Problems That Get in The Way
- Immediately Fearing Pain – One huge key to great bum play is to relax. If someone is stressed and their muscles are tense, pain will usually be inevitable.
- Being Worried About Poop – This is a big one for most people. There are solutions to this, which we’ll discuss later in the article.
- Freaking Out About Sexual Preference – For some reason the “If I have anal sex, I’m gay” concept is still flying around. First, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Second, enjoying anal play has nothing to do with what sex/gender you prefer. Bums are bums no matter which way you flip it.
- Being Judged – Some people might be freaked out by telling their partner they want to experiment. I can’t speak to the other person’s reactions, but there is ZERO shame in wanting to explore this sort of pleasure. Just give the middle finger (which will also be useful later in the article too!)
How To Start Anal Play
Going through your backdoor requires more prep than other kinds of sexual acts. First, it is NOT something to rush. Even if your brain is screaming for an anal-assisted orgasm, you have to take your time. Here’s a list of (what I think) is the best set of steps for beginners on how to prepare for anal play and what to do once you get past the “first stage.”
If you’re playing with someone and they are taking the reins of what’s going on, you HAVE to talk to them. Don’t flinch and stay quiet. Stop, keep going, out a little, hold there for a while, I need a break – these are all instructions that you should use, even if it’s second by second. Anal for beginners should be taken seriously (and with care).
First, it’s important to keep in mind that there will inevitably be some residue, even if it’s just a tiny bit. Or, if you end up really getting into all things anal, the chances of making a “mess” are quite possible. It’s just the human body. But there are things you can do to help reduce the worry around this problem.
Having an understanding and supportive partner helps – someone who knows what might happen, and isn’t phased by the thought and/or won’t judge. Or, if you’re playing alone and have an “accident”, be forgiving to yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong. Other than that, here’s a list of tips that will also help…
- Go to the bathroom before you start things (and after too).
- If you have diarrhea or hemorrhoids, don’t play at all.
- Buy a protective undersheet, rubber/latex sheet, or any liquid or mess-proof barrier to put under yourself or your linens. Even a towel is fine.
- Use baby wipes or a dedicated washcloth to clean outside and a little bit inside (if you can). Especially if rimming is on the menu.
- If a penis is going in there, always wear a condom.
- Cleansing enemas (anal douches) are useful for extra cleaning and peace of mind. However, you’ll need to learn how to do them safely as well as the pros/cons that come with them.
- Don’t forget your standard clean-up afterward.
If the other person is impatient with wanting to dive in and not respecting your boundaries or wishes, then roll them out of bed and all the way out the front door. The same goes for solo play. Don’t push yourself. It’s okay if it takes a really long time for you to relax.
Relax, Relax, Relax!
This is the hardest obstacle to overcome. Your bum will want to clench, Never force anything past this. Meditate, listen to music or erotic audiobooks, do other sexual things, get a booty massage, BREATHE etc. Getting drunk is NOT recommended as a fixer for this. As for porn, if you like watching it, go for it!
Never use porn as a guide to anything anal (or sexual for that matter). The ease with which the actors do things is because they’re was a massive amount of prep ahead of time, multiple takes that didn’t make the final cut, and unrealistic expectations that adult media sets in general. Think of it like models in magazines. They’ve photoshopped to hell. It’s fantasy, not reality. Porn is the same.
Getting Past Your Clencher
There’s a “spot” where your fingers, toy, penis, whatever, will finally slide past the muscles and into the canal – huzzah! You’ve finally gone past the “first step” (that I mentioned earlier). At this point, I would highly suggest letting things sit there for a little while so you get used to the sensation and your brain can disconnect the idea of ass=pain.
When you’re ready, move things around slowly, experimenting with movements or micro thrusts so you can find what your body likes. Never push yourself in the first stages. It’s all about learning and exploration.
LOTS of Lube is Your Best Friend
This is another ultimate rule – use lube! Playing dry is guaranteed to hurt. Our bum bums can’t naturally lubricate like vaginas. So, give it a helping hand. But if you think the amount you’ve dolloped on your fingers is enough … double or triple it. When we say use lots, use LOTS and reapply!
- You can use water-based lube (which works for any sex toy and is easy to clean away but needs to be topped up more often).
- You can use silicone lube (which lasts much longer, but is a pain to clean out of sheets, and cannot be used with silicone toys).
- There are a ton of targeted sex lubes on the market to try. The best anal lubes are pH balanced for that part of the body (which is a different Ph than a vagina).
- The best lube for anal toys are ones that are still pH balanced, will last longer, and won’t ruin them.
- NEVER use numbing lube! You need to know your pain so you can play safe.
Beginner’s Play Tips & Tactics
Try Fingers First
Yep, your finger. It’s the smallest and safest “toy” you’ll be able to get your hands on. Why? It’s the sheer mental aspect of knowing you’re inserting something that’s way smaller than what you “export” when you go to the bathroom on any given day. Your body can comfortably handle far more when it’s your own body than a foreign object.
- Make sure you’re fingers are trimmed down and filed. You don’t want scratching or micro-cuts.
- Wearing latex gloves, a condom over your digits, or fingering covers (which are cheaper than condoms) are not only protective but make for easy cleanup.
- Play AROUND the hole for a while before going in.
- Stay shallow for a bit before trying anything deep.
- And, believe it or not, wash your hands and/or toys before playing. You don’t want to introduce any extra bacteria or other nasties.
Switch Up Positions
If you’re having problems with discomfort or pain, try changing your position. There’s no right or wrong as to which is best because it’s all dependent on what works for you. Just don’t lay on your back and then call it quits. Try doggy style, laying on your face, or straddling.
Give Rimming a Go
The idea of licking someone’s starfish might be icky to some. To others, it might sound like heaven. But if you’re partner is up for playing, it’s a great relaxer/stimulator to get you going.
Gentlemen, Find Your P-Spot
When you’re just learning anal play, it’s not vital to immediately find your p-spot (prostate). But as you progress up your comfort levels, here is a handy diagram to help you find it…
Just like women have to learn to find their g-spot, it will take time to for men to find their magic place. But, as you can see, it’s not that far in. You can easily reach it with your fingers. If you can graduate to two, find the p-spot and gently massage it with a “come hither” motion. Experiment until you start to feel shivers up your spine.
How Sex Toys Can Help
There are some great anal play ideas, but at the top of the list will be sex toys. They can help with one major anal play obstacle – your fingers getting tired or achy from trying to reach around. Or, using one DURING anal play can help make you feel all happy and buzzy inside – which can help with “relaxation” (not the zen kind, more of the “don’t pucker your butt” kind).
There are regular dildos, clit stimulators, thrusting dildos, love eggs, panty vibrators, masturbators, masturbation sleeves, vibrating nipple clamps, you name it. Playing with an anal toy (especially one with a motor) or doubling down with another sort of adult product can feel utterly divine.
All Your Anal Toy Options
There are some things that might make your knees weak and fantasies come so close to being true, but some of them are more for advanced users…
BUTT PLUGS – A good plus will have a tapered tip, thin neck, and flared base – FLARED BASES are important for any anal toy so it doesn’t get lost up your colon. Bonus if it’s a vibrating butt plug for extra pleasure.
ANAL TRAINING TOYS– These beauties will be your best friend. They are simply a set of butt plugs that graduate in size, so you can use the bigger ones as you grow more comfortable. Make sure you get silicone or medical-grade stainless steel (depending on which you prefer the feeling of and which you can afford).
ANAL DILDOS – If you can find a dildo with a flared base, and in a diameter that suits you, the vibrations can do wonders for an orgasm.
ANAL BEADS – These are “advanced” because your anus must be ready to “open and close” over several beads (going in AND coming out). This includes “dildos” that have the shape of anal beads.
INFLATABLE TOYS – I recommend these for more of an intermediate toy. You can pump them up which allows your canal to get used to bigger diameters, but that’s only if you feel like going past the diameter of your largest anal trainer. Even then you can just use dildos.
PROSTATE MASSAGERS – I say these are advanced because they have a steep learning curve and are not toys that deliver fast orgasms. They are the slow turtles in what we normally treat as a rabbit race.
Advanced Bad Boys
ANAL HOOKS – Very advanced and often used in bondage and other BDSM scenes. NEVER use these as a form of suspension.
SPREADERS – Think of a flower. You close the petals, it goes in your bum, and BOOM the petals open. It literally “spreads” you. They can also be called anal stretchers.
STRAPONS – If you are ready to let someone else peg you, YOU should have at least a basic understanding of your body and what your bum can handle before you let someone else in there. You also need to be able to communicate really well during the process.
ESTIM ANAL TOYS – E-stim in general (for any toy or purpose) is considered advanced.
Safe Anal Sex Toy Materials
There are two things you need to consider with materials…
Is it porous? If it is you’ll never be able to 100% clean it. The micro-crevices will hold and germinate bacteria and other nasties. Is it body-safe? Some manufacturers cut corners by using cheap materials. But it’s these additives or materials that can harm your body – including some of the nastiest rashes you’ll ever experience in your life.
- Stainless steel – not cheap nickel-plated stuff, high quality or medical grade is best
- Pure silicone – not mixtures with other additives
- ABS Plastic – some toys come with certain parts that are made with plastic (like buttons or decorations). As long as you can clean around them, it’s fine.
- Glass – as long as it’s made correctly and uses the right kind of glass
These are the go-tos in my opinion. Which one you want to try is up to you. If you like the feeling of something flexible or rigid. Some might also suggest TPE or TPR (rubber) because it’s flexible and cheaper, but you’ll have to cover it with a condom because it’s very porous.
How to Clean and Care for Your Bum Buddies
You should be cleaning ANY sex toy before and after use. But it’s especially important with anal toys. They will always end up with some kind of fecal matter on them. So, be diligent in your toy hygiene.
- Use warm water and mild (antibacterial) soap
- Dry thoroughly
- Store in an individual baggie or box
- If it vibrates, recharge fully every 6 months (regardless of usage)
- If it has batteries, take them out when you’re not using the toy
- You can sterilize (once in a while) with a 10% bleach solution (rinse well)
Guide to Anal Play – Other Useful Tips
- Never share anal toys with someone you aren’t 100% sure about their sexual health (which is pretty much never).
- Save “animal tail” plugs for intermediate use (unless the tail is made from silicone). You want to be able to keep the fur clean.
- Showers are not only great for preparing your backside for play but they can also be used as a relaxation technique.
- Don’t neglect foreplay. Have plenty before even thinking about the other side.
- Never use a toy/finger/whatever that’s been in someone’s bum and transfer to a vagina. It’s a guaranteed infection.
- Touch other parts of your body while you’re playing.
- Even if there is poop, anal sex isn’t dirty – but I’m talking about the “it’s wrong!” kind.
- Take as many breaks as you need.
- Pulling out the toy just as your orgasm can send off bigger fireworks for some people. But don’t try this until you’re comfortable.
- Suction cup dildos can be okay as long as they are anal-safe.
- Up your fiber intake to proper levels to have regular bowel movements.
- Some women say anal play during their period is quite pleasurable (even more if you wear a menstrual cup).
- Keep all your materials close by so you don’t have to get up.
- It’s okay if you don’t have an orgasm. The focus is pleasure, not a grand finale.
- The feeling like you have to fart or poop is normal.
Beginner’s Anal Sex FAQs
The same benefits as the other kinds of masturbation – lowered stress, better sleep, improved mood, pain relief, etc.
Yes, you can! If you’re careless with cleanup or “cross-pollination” with sex toys, pregnancy is a total possibility.
Take a break from anal play and focus on healing. Being sore after means something wasn’t done right or went too far/fast.
You might see the tiniest of smudges on your toilet paper once in a while when you’re cleaning up. It’s from micro-tears or pushing your anus too fast. But more than that is NOT okay and you should seek a medical professional immediately.
You totally can! It doesn’t have to be kinky to want a safeword.
Is where you massage the lower part of the back that’s just above the butt crack. It’s often overlooked (just like playing with the perineum).
Then don’t do it anymore. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And don’t let someone force, guilt, or manipulate you past your boundaries.
Yep. You can. Even condoms aren’t 100%, but they’re close. The chances increase with any micro-tears in the anal cavity or around the rim. Make sure you and your partner(s) have regular tests and never share toys.
Want More Helpful Articles Like This?
You now have everything you need for beginner anal play! But if you have any questions or want to leave other suggestions, leave a comment below. Also, these articles are great for expanding your knowledge base…
- 20+ Tips on How to Have Anal Sex Without the Ouch!
- What is Pegging? Learn the Next Level of Anal Play
- 8 Best Anal Lubes You Can Get Behind
Have your own beginner’s anal play tips? Share in the comments!