Man Exposes Himself Then Beats Woman with Dead Seagull

Out of the “fun and weird” part of this category, we are definitely wandering deep into “weird” territory. After all, with the title “Man exposes himself then beats woman with dead seagull” there are just too many questions.

And if you are like me (when I first stumbled on this story) you probably have a vague idea of how the events unfolded.

You probably think that he flashed his junk, she laughed, he got pissed off, and then he picked up the dead bird.

But oh my how we are both so very wrong.

Let’s take a close look at this bizarre story. Then, we will do two things. First, we will thank the universe and all its lucky stars that the women came out relatively unscathed. Second, we will spend a couple of minutes weeping for humanity.


It was Tuesday August 23rd 2022, along the shores of Lake in Hamburg, Germany.

The victim, 31, was walking her dog with two of her friends. With the sunny weather, calm surroundings of forest, sandy shores, and lapping water, you wouldn’t think something bad could ever happen.

Then suddenly, the assailant appeared out of nowhere.

The 41-year-old’s actions weren’t just despicable; they came in a jumbled, out-of-ordered sequence that would only leave someone thinking the guy was on some pretty heavy drugs or had some serious brain damage (just guessing).

He proceeded to insult the three women. Then he kicked the victim’s dog.

As the girls hurried to check if the pooch was okay, the main woman also was quick and cool thinking enough to pull out her phone to call the police.

But in the few seconds that they had their eyes off the guy, he went ahead and pulled out his dick.

But that’s not the end. And no, it’s not just the upcoming bird.

There obviously wasn’t any laughter. By then the women knew the guy was disturbed. However, it was only confirmed when he grabbed a nearby dead seagull and started hitting the victim with it.

man exposes himself then beats women with dead seagull
Credit: Newsflash


It wasn’t long until the cops showed up. Only then did the guy try to escape…

… through the lake.

Yes. For some reason, the man thought it was a brilliant idea to dog-paddle/breaststroke (who knows) across the water. Thankfully, he was dim enough to forget that there was this wonderful invention called a motorboat.

With the handy boat lent by the fire brigade and a police helicopter for scouting, it wasn’t long until two officers pulled the guy out of the water and dragged him back to the station.

It was then everyone found out just how lucky the women really were.

Because the guy also had two knives on him.

man exposes himself but is caught by police
Credit: Newsflash


Aside from the police keeping everyone’s names private, there aren’t any other details to share. This is probably because it happened only recently.

We can probably assume the victim was relatively okay – because the press would have otherwise announced any major injuries. But we can be sure she was shaken (all the hugs to her and claps for her quick thinking). We can also assume the dog was fairly ok and survived. It’s also because you can be sure the new would 100% tell everyone if the dog died (hugs to the doggo too).

man exposes himself then tries to escape through lake
Credit: Newsflash

And yes, it’s okay if you were equally worried about the poor canine (there’s no doubt the woman was too).

As far as this “man exposes himself” story goes, that’s really all there is.

However, there is something to be said for keeping safe, even in places that seem the most secure. It’s a sad state of affairs when we have to constantly remember to always tell people where we’re going, don’t go alone, to have a second line of defense, etc. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.

After all, as this story shows us, the world definitely has its weirdos.

Oh, and carrying a can of mace doesn’t hurt either.

Spray their ass.

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