Lovense is honored to bring another voice to Pride Month with another interview – The Duke Of Duality, Social Media Influencer, Alexandro Rox! From navigating dark, difficult paths toward acceptance and self-love, and blossoming into a stunning, walking piece of art, Rox’s message will resonate with many people out there.
Q1: When did you first feel like the sex you were assigned at birth doesn’t match with your gender identity?
I always felt like something about my existence wasn’t right. If I didn’t have pink and a dress on, I was usually mistaken for a boy. As a young child I prayed that God would turn me into a boy. It wasn’t until I turned 32 I learned that hormones could be taken.
Q2: Have you ever faced any difficulties because of the fact you are transgender? If you are, could you share an account of that incident and how you dealt with it?
My husband at the time was devastated that I wanted to transition. I was extremely surprised because I’ve always been pretty manly. Make a long story short his love for me was not strong enough to keep us together and I quote he refused to sleep next to someone who has facial hair. That’s one of the most difficult times I’ve faced in my life because of my gender.
Q3: What does gender #TRANSition mean to you and how do you feel now after you’ve #TRANSitioned?
When we’re born, a doctor usually says that we’re male or female based on what our bodies look like. Most people who were labeled male at birth turn out to actually identify as men, and most people who were labeled female at birth grow up to be women. But some people’s gender identity – their innate knowledge of who they are – is different from what was initially expected when they were born. Most of these people describe themselves as transgender.
Being pre-transition was hard. Seeing a figure in the mirror that didn’t make sense to me, being expected (even forced as a child) to engage with feminine activities and friends, and even being expected to enjoy sex in a certain way was exhausting and confusing.
The transition itself was even harder. Being recognized, both by myself and others, as transgender made my dysphoria much worse. All of my shortcomings as a man, and my shortcomings as a woman, were laid bare for everyone around me to see. Now that I’ve transitioned for years it feels normal, like having two arms and two legs.
I feel like my life began after transition. It’s amazing how connected you can be with your own life, living in your own skin, when you aren’t trapped in the dungeon of gender dysphoria.
Q4: At which point did you decide to make the change and how did you overcome the challenges during your #TRANSition journey?
At 32 years old, happily married with a teenager I discovered testosterone. At first I felt lied to. “You mean I didn’t have to live 32 years attempting to fill the role of “Woman?” My then-husband made it very clear that he did not support my transition. During the months prior to starting testosterone I hated being transgender. I was terrified of it and I tried to lie to myself that I wasn’t really transgender. I repressed it and hid it as deep down inside me as I could. I would have given anything not to be transgender.
Somewhere along the way after enough time had passed, after weeks and months of my ex husband mourning the loss of my female self (still pre Testosterone) I started accepting that I was transgender whether I wanted to be or not. I admitted that dysphoria sucked and that I didn’t want to go through the rest of my life hating myself, with everything about the true me hidden away from the I now know, transitioning doesn’t fix the underlying ailments. Gender dysphoria is about identity, not sexual orientation. I was never homosexual; I was interested in dating boys, always have been. My marriage ended shortly before starting hormonal therapy.
Q5: If you could travel back in time to give a word of advice to your younger self / yourself before you started on your #TRANSition, what would it be?
Transitioning will not fix the underlying issues. There is so much I want to say to my younger self and to the young people struggling like I did. And it doesn’t sound in the refrain of “it gets better.” But, it can get different. You find a path through your demons, you find strength and beauty not despite of them but because of them.
Your experiences navigating the dark pain of questioning your place in the world will transition into the joy of finding a place, of discovering your passions, your people, your beauty. As a child, the sight of my own reflection would make me physically ill. It would send me into a depression. There was no future I could see because I could not see myself aging in the world.
But somehow through that I learned that our trans bodies are beautiful. I learned that holding up the history of our community is a gift that I will never stop paying forward. I learned that pain and messiness and self-doubt can actually be our path towards light, happiness, and confidence.
Q6: What are some misperceptions that society has about transgender people that you would like to address?
Gender and sex are not the same thing. Cisgender woman are not the only ones who can menstruate and get pregnant. Transgender is an umbrella term used to encompass many identities . There are more pronouns than “he” and “she”.
Q7: What is one topic or question you wish that people would ask more about transpeople?
I wish people asked about pronouns and the differences between sexuality and gender.
Q8: What are some solutions or steps that society should take to help encourage acceptance and understanding of the transgender community?
You can’t tell if someone is transgender just by looking.
Don’t make assumptions about a transgender person’s sexual orientation. If you don’t know what pronouns to use, listen first then ask. Don’t ask a transgender person what their “real name” is. Understand the differences between “coming out” as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and “coming out” as transgender.
Q9: What’s the best thing that has happened to you ever since you started your #TRANSformation journey?
Learning how to love myself.
Q10: What is the best way to support a transgender friend, family member, or loved one who has just made the decision to start their #TRANSition? Are there any words you’ll like to convey to those who have yet to come out or start their transition journey?
The very best way to support is to do your research, learn so you can relate to what your friend or loved one is going through. Coming out as trans is a good thing, compared to being miserable and living a life that does not feel true to oneself. Congratulating your friend/relative will show that you respect the decision made and feel happy that he/she can be who he/she truly is.
To those about to start their journey:
“The best part about this will be watching you become more and more of who you really are.”